He Ghosted You? 3 Moves to Get Your Power Back

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So it’s been a few months,

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and just when you’re starting

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to get excited about the potential with him,

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you’re letting yourself feel for him.

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You’re getting invested, maybe even have sex.

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He just vanishes.

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He disappears with no warning,

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no explanation, and no closure.

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It can feel like emotional whiplash.

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It can even feel like a betrayal, a microtrauma.

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And that’s because everything

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that you thought you were experiencing,

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your reality is gone.

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It’s suddenly just no longer there.

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And now you question if it was even ever real.

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Your brain and your nervous system go into overdrive trying

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to figure out what happened, what you might have said

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or done wrong, and whether somehow you caused it.

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You replay conversations in your head

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and wonder if you should reach out and demand an explanation

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or even just call him out on his behavior.

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I know it feels so utterly powerless.

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You had no say so in the ending and likely never will.

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It was determined for you without consideration of you.

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It really just sucks all around.

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There is no question about it.

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So today I’m gonna tell you what not

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to do when you get ghosted and three steps to get your power

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and your sanity back almost instantly.

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Welcome back and if you’re new here, I’m Hilary Silver,

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former clinical therapist turned master coach.

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I’ve been counseling and coaching high performers

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for 25 years.

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I’m also the founder of Ready for Love.

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We’ve been helping high achieving single women get the love

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and the life they want since 2017

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by focusing on the relationship that matters most,

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the one they have with themselves.

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We are the cutting edge leader in the love

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and relationship coaching industry.

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Our results are unrivaled

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because our approach is radically different.

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It’s not man centered, it’s woman centered.

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It’s self-centered

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because getting everything

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that you want always starts with you.

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If that sounds good

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and you wanna know more, make sure

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to subscribe and stick around.

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And if you want to check out my free masterclass,

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I will put the link in the description.

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So we have all been there ghosted by someone,

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whether it’s a romantic interest

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or even just a friend or a colleague.

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When it happens, we don’t just feel rejected,

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we feel discarded.

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They didn’t care enough

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to have a conversation either somewhere along the way

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to address an issue that they’re having

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or a conversation to part ways.

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It feels like indifference on their part, which is the worst

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because it’s like they literally do not care enough at all

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about us or the relationship

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to speak up and give it a chance.

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It’s a total disregard of our feelings

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and the relationship, right?

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And for the ghost ghosted, at first,

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we make it all about us.

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The self-doubt and maybe even the panic kicks in,

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did I say something wrong?

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Did I come on too strong? Was I too much?

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And then it’s all about him maybe going back

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and forth between being mad at him

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and being worried about him or having compassion for him.

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So one minute you’re berating him. What an a*****e.

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He’s immature, he’s a coward, he’s a narcissist.

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And the next minute we’re trying to psychoanalyze him.

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Why is he the way that he is?

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You start mind reading, you start making excuses for him.

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You rationalize his behavior. Maybe he got scared.

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Maybe he wasn’t ready for someone like me.

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Maybe he just didn’t know how to tell me the truth.

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And look, I get it.

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We do this because we’re desperate for answers.

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Anything to make sense of the senseless.

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But making excuses

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for someone is actually self-protection in disguise.

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You’re searching for an explanation

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that softens the blow for you.

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It’s an emotional survival strategy to manage the pain

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that you feel from being dismissed, disregarded,

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or devalued.

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It’s an attempt to rewrite the story so you don’t have

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to feel rejected, betrayed or foolish.

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If I can just understand why he did this,

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I can tell myself he’s just scared or wounded

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or overwhelmed, then maybe it’s not that he didn’t care.

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Maybe it’s not that I wasn’t enough.

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Maybe he did actually really care about me.

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So let me be clear.

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Trying to figure out why he ghosted you is a trap.

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So we’re not gonna do that, okay?

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People ghost for all kinds of reasons.

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Some people don’t wanna hurt your feelings.

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Some people lack the maturity to be direct.

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Some are just emotionally unavailable or overwhelmed.

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And yes, some simply don’t care enough

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to communicate with you.

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There’s so many reasons.

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So here’s the thing, you will never know for sure

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and it just doesn’t matter.

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None of that helps you Trying to understand him

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only keeps you in his energy,

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and that is not where your power is.

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So instead of making it about him, let’s make it about you.

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Not in a self blame kind of way,

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but a self-empowerment kind of way.

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So let’s get into the three power moves. Power move.

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Number one, take inventory from a place of power.

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You’re already asking yourself, what did I do wrong?

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So let’s redirect that question in a way that serves you.

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You’re going to step back

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and act like an impartial observer,

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just gathering information.

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Ask yourself, what did I do, if anything, to contribute

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to this situation and dynamic?

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Was I showing up fully as myself?

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If not, that is a problem

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because you were not being authentic

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and giving him the real you.

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You weren’t emotionally available. Was I ignoring red flags?

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Were there signs that it wasn’t really going as well

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as you wanted it to be,

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or something just wasn’t right all along and you knew it,

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but you pushed it aside?

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Was I settling for crumbs?

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So this isn’t about beating yourself up,

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it’s about taking responsibility for your part in it.

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Because if you can see where you went wrong, you know

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that you’ll never do it again.

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If ghosting is something that has

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happened more than once, it’s a clue.

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Not that you’re broken or unworthy or undeserving,

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but that there might be something inside of you

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that tolerates, attracts or overlooks this kind of behavior.

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Maybe you tend to people please.

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Maybe you get attached too quickly.

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Maybe you don’t express your standards clearly,

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or maybe deep down you don’t feel like you

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deserve to ask for more.

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Whatever it is, owning it gives you power

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because what you own, you can change.

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And if after you evaluate yourself objectively here

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and you don’t see anything wrong, great,

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move on to step two.

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You are not responsible for his decision

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and his choice to ghost you.

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But if you can see how you contributed to this whole dynamic

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with him, then you are now empowered.

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Okay, your second power move. Detach.

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There is an important distinction I want to make here.

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Things happen to us all the time,

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but what really affects us isn’t the event itself.

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It’s the meaning we assign to it.

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So in this case, the data is that he disappeared.

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That might be fact,

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but the interpretation might be many things.

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He didn’t care about me. I wasn’t good enough.

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He’s emotionally avoidant.

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You can see how we can really attach any story that we want

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to, that one piece of data to the event.

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And the truth is, there are always multiple stories

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that you could tell, but not all

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of them are going to serve you.

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So when you catch yourself spiraling into what it meant,

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I want you to pause because this is what I want you to hear.

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Being ghosted is not the same as being rejected.

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Let me say that again. Being ghosted is not the same

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as being rejected.

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Yes, it might feel like a rejection,

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but in reality it was just an ending.

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One you didn’t initiate.

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But that doesn’t make it about your worth.

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They walked away and they did it in a way

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that you wouldn’t have.

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That alone tells you everything that you need to know.

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If it wasn’t a fit, it wasn’t a fit,

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maybe you would’ve tried longer, held on tighter, stayed

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and invested, but they made the call.

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And how they made it is their business.

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So what do you do with it now? That’s your power.

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So here’s the most important part of this step.

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Detach your worth from their behavior.

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Who you are does not change based on who stays or leaves.

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Your value isn’t diminished

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by someone else’s inability to see it.

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You are still you and they didn’t take a single ounce

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of your worth with them when they left.

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Your worth is inside of you, inside of you intact.

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It is yours. They don’t determine your worth. You do.

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Got it. So power move number three.

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Now we’re going to make new meaning

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and redefine the experience.

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So this is where you take your power back all the way when

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someone goes to you, the brain wants closure,

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so you’re going to give it to yourself.

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You decide what happened.

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You make the meaning that serves you.

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Instead of obsessing over the why which gives your power

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away, you are going

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to shift into gratitude for the experience.

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Yes, gratitude. How’s that for a powerful reframe?

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Because if this is who he is, you are actually grateful.

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You’re no longer with him. He is not your person.

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This is actually applicable

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to all ghosting situations too, by the way.

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So here are three powerful examples of statements

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that you can use and repeat to yourself.

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Thank you for showing me who you are.

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I might not have seen this side of you otherwise,

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or thank you for reminding me why we aren’t together anymore

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or shouldn’t be together.

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Thank you for ending this now

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because I might have stayed too long

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and wasted time with you, you’re the wrong person for me

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because I deserve better than someone who behaves like this.

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And wow, you’re just not the person I thought you were.

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Or we are just too very different people.

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I’m not interested in someone who lacks the capacity

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to communicate with basic decency.

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These are just examples of power statements that you can say

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to yourself in your own mind

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that will help you shift back into your personal power.

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Maybe even say it out loud to yourself.

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It helps you reclaim your worth, reminding yourself

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that your worth is inside of you.

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And he did not take it with him when he disappeared.

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Those aren’t just affirmations.

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They are declarations which have an entirely

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different energy behind them.

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Can you feel it how someone exits,

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says way more about them than it ever could about you?

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At the end of the day, ghosting is a mirror if you choose

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to see it that way, reflecting both where he is with himself

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and where you are with yourself.

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It’s an opportunity for you to grow and to level up.

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And that, my friends, is

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how you get your power back instantly

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when you’ve been ghosted.

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This kind of mindset

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and identity shifting is the foundation of

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what we do and ready for love.

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It’s utterly life changing in the best possible way.

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If you’re ready to do the inner work

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to stop repeating the same patterns

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and finally create the love that you deserve, the kind

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that’s reciprocal and secure and real.

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Watch my free masterclass where I’m walking you

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through the four step method I’ve used with thousands

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of high achieving women just like you since 2017.

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Hillary silver.com/masterclass

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or apply for a breakthrough call with my team.

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It’s free, but only for women who are really ready

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and committed to making themselves

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and this part of their lives a priority.

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Thanks for being here. And next week we are gonna wrap up

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the Summer of Love series with a bonus episode

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to just round out the final summer month.

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We’ll be talking about the three biggest blind spots women

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have when dating.

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You do not wanna miss that.

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So make sure that you’re subscribed and follow the show

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and I’ll see you next time.