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I just turned 54 years old and I’m in the best shape of my life. I’ve never looked or felt better and the habits that got me to this point might surprise you because it’s not. what all the gurus and experts say to do, like working out harder, having a stricter regimen, or counting calories, macros, or steps. In fact, I’ve done no counting at all. A couple years ago, I did a similar episode where I talked about how I quit hardcore workouts and got in better shape than ever. And now, two years later. I’ve discovered even more. So I’m back with an updated version and a few new habits that I did not include the first time.Today, I’m sharing the seven habits that I started doing that completely changed my life and got me looking and feeling my best after 50.
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Habits that will completely transform the way that you approach exercise, eating, and feeling good every day, and that you can start practicing right now. Hi, it’s Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast. Welcome back, friends. And if you’re new here, I’m Hillary Silver, former psychotherapist turned master coach and founder of Ready for Love. I’m here to help you look, feel, and be your very best self. live life on your own terms and get everything you want. If that sounds good, subscribe on your podcast app and to the YouTube channel so you never miss an episode.And it really does help me grow the show. So thanks in advance for your support. Let me start by just saying, I am not a personal trainer or a fitness expert. or a doctor.
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I am an expert in psychology and mindset and relationships. But being our best self and being in our best shape ever is not just about how we look. It’s about how we are being in our lives and who we are being. And people are always shocked when I tell them how old I am, and they’re always asking me what I do to be in such great shape and what are my secrets. That’s why we’re having this conversation today.And I do think that it’s kind of funny because I’m five foot one. I never thought in a million years that I would ever be any kind of example. or model. But yet, it does make sense because working out has always been a big part of my life. So here we are.
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I’ve gone through a lot of phases and have experimented with so many approaches to how I work out and what I eat. I’ve pretty much tried it all. Orange Theory for years, sprint triathlons, half marathons. running four days a week, doing hardcore HIIT workouts, weight training, Tracy Anderson workouts, power sculpt yoga, and eating keto, paleo, intermittent. fasting. Yeah, I’ve tried it all.But once I turned 50, I discovered I was doing something that was actually hindering me instead of helping me. Instead of feeling energized by my workouts, I was feeling depleted by them. The exertion was backfiring and I felt like all my hard work wasn’t working anymore to get me the results that I wanted. It was taking me longer to recover. it was increasingly hard on my body.
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It just didn’t feel good to be doing all that I was doing anymore. So I decided to regroup. And in that process, I started listening to myself, like really tuning in to hear my inner dialogue. And here’s what I realized. I was not being good to myself at all.I’ve always pushed myself as hard as I can. can doing the intense workouts and really just being competitive with myself. I wasn’t competing with anyone else necessarily, but I just always wanted to push myself as far as I could go. But what I realized was all the pushing was coming from a place and fueled from a place of proving, of needing to prove something. prove I was fit, prove I can do it and prove I’m able.
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I wasn’t really proving it to anyone else because no one else really cares what I’m doing. I was proving to myself. more than anything. And that is just so super shitty, what I was thinking to myself about myself and what I was doing to myself.It certainly didn’t feel like self-care and it definitely was not self-loving. I wasn’t treating myself like someone I actually care about at all. despite the outward appearance of it and from the working out and the commitment to health and fitness and how I looked, it didn’t feel like self-love at all. It was punitive and conditional. So I took a step back and I asked myself, why the hell do I need to prove anything to anyone, least of all myself? And the answer was simple.
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I don’t. So I decided to cut the shit and change my entire approach. And once I did that, everything got so much better. Not only the results, but how I was feeling every single day.It was like cutting the ties, dropping the rope of a power struggle inside of myself. No more tug of war inside of myself. So then what followed was a total complete shift. My approach to self-care, my health and wellness changed in its entirety. And so what I’m sharing today are habits that aren’t specific to what I eat and how I work out. It’s bigger than that. It includes that, but it’s more than that because to look and feel your best is bigger than that. It’s not just what you’re doing. It’s who you are being.
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So here are the seven habits that I am doing as part of my new approach that actually changed everything for me.Habit number one, I always have my own back. So first of all, I am not being mean to myself anymore. It was a conscious decision to have an entirely different approach, starting with how I talk to myself. and think about myself. I cleaned up my self-talk and I stopped needing to prove anything, not to anyone else and especially not to myself. This is the mindset shift underneath every other habit on this list. I went from self-discipline to self-devotion. not just with my workouts, but with everything. Self-discipline is about rigidity and conditional and it’s hardcore and punishing. Self-devotion is about love, loyalty, and concern and care for myself.
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And that shows up in the choices that I make, in how I treat myself, and in how I talk to myself. So instead of being so hard on myself, I became my own biggest advocate, my own number one fan. And I make myself a priority. I treat myself and talk to myself like someone I actually care about, like I’m on my own side no matter what, rather than being perpetually at war with myself, being at the taskmaster. cracking the whip and forcing myself to do things I don’t want to do or that aren’t feeling good for me. And what is left is a flow state. It all feels so much easier, less stressful.It’s just having a sense of faith and trust and less of a need to control and chase after a certain state of being or fitness.
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less forcing and more flowing and in that shift I’ve gotten in better shape which may seem ironic but I’m not fighting myself anymore and that higher vibe state of being just pays off second within this shift is self-trust I don’t listen to all the so-called gurus telling me what to do and to do it, following all these arbitrary rules that change from day to day because people are literally making this stuff up for attention. At least that’s what I think.I once heard a woman say somewhere that women over 50 should be able to do 11 pushups. Really? 11? Why not 10? Why not 15? Show me the science of 11. I just don’t believe it. so much bullshit out there.
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It is so hard today with social media because anyone who’s good at all at getting attention is suddenly considered an expert. So we get so wrapped up in the rules that every health influencer is peddling. We actually forget that most of them and most of the time have made this all up because they’re trying to sell you something. thing. So having my own back means that I trust myself over today’s newest social media darlings made up rule every single time.And lastly, within this first shift, I make myself a priority and I make my needs a priority every single day. And I’ll tell you exactly how I do that throughout the rest of these habits. But the point is, no matter what, I’ve always got me.
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I treat myself with so much love and support and care, and I don’t have to rely on that from anyone else. This one has the number one spot for a reason because every single other habit on this list flows from this one. When you have your own back, you stop abandoning yourself for everyone else. You stop dismissing your own needs and putting yourself last. You make yourself ato take care of you because you become the most reliable person in your own life. You get a built-in best friend all the time, always lifting you up, always cheering you on instead of tearing you down. Not only does this feel so much better, but that is just how real lasting change begins.
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So with this supportive nurturing foundation in place, let’s look at I don’t power struggle with my body anymore. Now, let me be clear about something, though. My standards have not changed. I still want to look and feel a certain way. I want to feel energized and vital and healthy and toned and fit.I want my body to actually perform for me, to get me through my workday without feeling worn down, to allow me to play three or four hours of pickleball in a row if I feel like it, and to be able to get up off the floor easily. I want to be able to wear the clothes that I want to wear and look the way I want to look. So none of that has changed at all.
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What has changed is that I’m no longer chasing it at all costs. Like I said, no more power struggling tug of war with my body. I’m not struggling with workouts. I’m not obsessing about it. Instead, I let my body tell me.what kind of workout I’m doing today, rather than the other way around. I’m not forcing myself to do anything. I’m connecting with myself and feeling into what part of my body is needing love and attention and working out that day. So that means that some days I’m lifting heavier because I need to feel stronger. And some days it’s a lower. impact or stretch day because I’ve been working too hard and my body is sore. But I’m taking my cues from my body. I’m listening to my body.
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And that allows me to have a more accepting relationship with my body too. I do what I can and I let go of the rest. This is how I look at 54. So be it.You know how when somebody makes you do something, it’s hard and you don’t really want to do it and you resist it. But when you want to do it, it’s actually easier and more enjoyable. That’s what I’m talking about when you’re no longer at war with your body. When you stop fighting and forcing everything and start accepting it, you’re working with your body. of against it and everything becomes easier. The workouts flow and you actually enjoy the process. So here’s what I want you to do. Please give yourself a damn break.
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Stop making working out something that you dread and something that you actually want to show up for because it’s good for your body, not because you’re punishing your body.And when you do that, it becomes a lot more fun and trust me, the results do follow. And I’ll include in this before I move on. All of my workouts are now all about joy. I don’t just show up and get through it. I make it a whole experience. I put on my favorite workout outfits that I feel really good in, and I put on my favorite curated playlist for whatever mood I’m in. It is a whole vibe. the whole thing is just more enjoyable. So making your movement enjoyable really just takes it to the next level, which brings us to habit number three.
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I move my body every single day, every day.I don’t want to say no exceptions, but we’ll say rare exceptions. And this is just something that I don’t debate with myself. I don’t ask if I’m going to work out or move my body today. The question is simply, what’s it going to be today? It’s just like the way you are with all your other habits, like brushing your teeth. You don’t question it. You just accept it and do it. And having physical activity be a given in my life means that I’m not not forcing myself to do it. It’s just an accepted way of life for me that I look forward to.And this can look different every single day, depending, as I said earlier, on how my body is feeling and all I’ve been up to lately and what I’ve been doing.
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If I’ve really overdone it for a few days in a row and my body feels tired, I give myself a rest and keep it light. So for example, walking might be the only thing that I do and that’s okay because that’s what my body needs and I’m listening to myself. So a perfect example is Mondays used to be a heavy weightlifting day for me. But now that I’m a pickleball junkie, I often play eight to 10 hours just between Friday and tired and a little bit sore and achy.I still go to the gym on Monday mornings, but my workouts have now become a gentle stretching routine instead of that heavy lifting day. And wow, does that stretch feel so good. It feels so loving. It’s slow and methodical and almost sensual to be honest.
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I put on the right playlist and it is literally making love to the mat. That is how good it feels. So I know that some of you might be curious. So we’re going to get into the specifics of what I do to work out just for a second. I lift weights four times a week. It’s a mix of heavy weights with fewer reps and light weights with lots ofmeaning I don’t dedicate one day to a specific body part, like leg day or arm day. That means I can work out that body part every single day. Every day is an ass day and an arms day for me because I don’t like to neglect body parts. And they’re not fatiguing because I’m not overdoing the same exact exercise every day.
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So I’m never doing the same. exercise in a row. So for example, if I’m doing glute bridges one day per week, I’m using a 90 pound barbell, really heavy, but I’ll still do other glute bridges the rest of the week doing bands and a series of exercises using the bands.And I’ll do other exercises for my butt the rest of the week too. just not that same one 90-pound barbell. Make sense? I like using bands, ankle weights, and light weights with lots of reps to fill in those heavy days. I also do a mix of agility and flexibility workouts. This is something new because it’s so important to stay limber and flexible. That is key to… minimizing injury as we get older. What I don’t do anymore is cardio.
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No more cardio just for the sake of cardio, grinding it out on the elliptical or running or the treadmill.I never thought there would be a day in my life where I would stop running because I used to love it so much, but then it did get hard on my knees and on my hips. So I did at first swap that out for years ago. But again, since I got sucked into the pickleball vortex and I’m playing four or five days a week, I just don’t have time for it and I don’t find that I need it or even want it. Which then also means I’m not counting steps or tracking every move I make. I don’t even wear my watch when I play pickleball to count my steps because I just don’t care.
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It doesn’t matter. to me.I’m not taking a notebook to the gym and writing down what exercise I did and how many reps and how many weights. None of that matters. I’m just doing what I want and when I want to do it and what feels good for me. Movement is just a non-negotiable for me. And it isn’t just about how you look, everybody. It’s about how you feel, how you think. and how you move through the world in your body. It’s how you’re showing up for everything else in your life. Movement is fortifying for your mental and your emotional well-being, and it’s connecting you to your physical self.You’re spending time taking the time to tune in with your body, which develops a strong… relationship with your physical self.
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You’re becoming embodied. You’re more aware of your physical being. And it helps build body kinesthetic intelligence, which means being able to move your body with skill and coordination and tension and control. And that is sexy. So when I move my body first thing in the morning, I am more energized, more focused, and more present for the rest of my day. It’s not something that I see as a punishment or a chore at all. I see it as the greatest gift that I can give myself every single day. And that just makes it something to look forward to.Again, it’s all about self-devotion. And this tees up our next one perfectly because like I said, how you start your day has a huge impact on how you feel for the rest of the day.
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So habit number four is I have a sacred morning routine. I truly believe in early to bed, early to rise keeps a woman healthy, wealthy, and wise. That old proverb is true. I go to bed early, like around nine o’clock at night so that I can wake up early and have this special time for myself. The time in the morning is for me. I am not doing anything for anyone else. It is me time.I started doing this when my kids were little and they were waking up at six in the morning. So I started waking up at five just so I could have coffee in peace before anyone needed anything from me. And it just stuck. It’s become my habit. I just naturally wake up at 5 a.m.
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now. alarms needed. And my morning routine consists of a few things. It always starts with coffee. Yes, I’m a coffee girl and nothing is going to talk me out of it. There is no new science. or data that is going to come along and take that away from me. I like it. I love it. And I am drinking it, period, no matter what.By the way, I drink my coffee black, just in case you’re wondering. And while I’m having my coffee, what I’m doing is I’m doing my daily journal method. I developed this in 2017. and I’ve been doing it ever since. Every single day, ever since. It is single-handedly responsible for helping me grow myself into who I am today, in growing me.
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And it’s allowed me to then go on and to be able to grow my business into an eight-figure company. At the end of this video, I’ll tell you how you can try it if you’re interested. Journaling, the way I see it, is like having a mental compass.And what it does is you point yourself in the direction that you want to go. So if you were headed southeast, but you really want to go northwest, then you’re going to point yourself in the direction of northwest. and that helps you walk there one step at a time every single day. So it’s deciding who you’re going to be, how you’re going to be, what you’re going to be, and what you’re going to be doing every single day.
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And it just gets me really clear and connected to myself. It’s a time to check in with myself every morning. What do I need? What am I working on? What am I celebrating? What’s going well? What am I stuck on?What are some of the things I’m focusing on today? And what do I need to do to get myself to my next goal? And it reminds me who I want to be. how I want to be thinking about myself. So I’m consciously deciding to point my mind in the direction that I want to be thinking. And then of course, after the journaling is the movement. So if you’re someone who can work out at lunch or at the end of the day, good for you.
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I just know myself so well that if I don’t do it in the morning, It’s really just not going to happen because I’ve already moved on to the next thing.The morning is the only time of day that belongs entirely to you. This is your time to take for yourself before everyone needs something from you. And you get to decide what that looks like. And then you spend the rest of the whole day being her. that version of you who you decided to be at the very beginning of the day. When you protect that time in the morning and use it very intentionally, it changes the whole trajectory of your day. You’re setting the tone, the energy, the intention, and your direction.
00:19:54
And when you do that consistently, you stop feeling like life is happening to you and you start feeling like you’re… actually living life on your own terms.Now that we’ve talked about the importance of moving our bodies and listening to them, let’s talk about how to fuel them. Habit number five is I make eating right as easy as possible. As I said earlier, I have tried paleo, keto, intermittent fasting, and all of that just feels so shitty to me. Eat this. Don’t eat that. You can’t eat for two more hours, even though I’m starving. Fuck that, ladies, honestly. Restricting food groups and not being allowed to eat something is ridiculous. Putting yourself in deprivation mode, no thank you. I am not here for that at all. It feels very punishing and not loving at all.
00:20:41
And really also, I just don’t like following anything.If you tell me that what I can and can’t do, I am always going to rebel. I am not a rule follower. any diet plan or whole 30 regimen kind of thing is just a setup for failure from day one for me. And if you’re similar, same for you then. What does work for me is this. Going back to step one, I listen to myself. And that means I eat what I want when I want. Imagine that. Eat when you’re hungry. It’s just very intuitive and listening to your body. The underlying agreement that I do have with myself is that I just don’t eat too much. I don’t overdo it. And I just don’t eat crap. But that’s because I don’t.
00:21:27
really like crap. I don’t like eating junk food. Sometimes I do. Life is too short to just not eat the cake, right? Or whatever that special thing is for you. But it has to be done with thought and moderation. I will share, because I’m being honest here, I am 85% vegan. And that is very important to me. I’m working on becoming fully vegan the best that I can, but this isn’t for health reasons. I do it because of my morals and my values and my ethics around how we treat animals. But again, giving myself a break and not needing to be perfect about it is the key to getting there. And this is easy for me.Because I don’t feel I’m restricting myself or depriving myself at all. It’s not the same thing.
00:22:08
At the end of the day, I want to keep it simple because food is fuel. I spent way too many years making it more complicated than it needed to be. obsessing about it, feeling guilty or bad about it, overthinking it all, and turning it into a whole thing. And the minute I stopped doing that and made it easy on myself, everything got better. My energy and my body and my relationship to food, everything. And while yes, food is fuel, don’t get me wrong. I am a foodie and I enjoy food. There’s a lot of pleasure to be had in don’t care so much anymore.And as long as I’m getting protein and fiber, that’s all that really matters. That is all that I care about.
00:22:47
The goal is to nourish yourself, not torture yourself, make it easy on yourself, make it work for you and move on with your life. That is my attitude about it. And it seems to be working quite nicely for me. And I hope that. it will for you too. Okay. Habit six and seven are my favorites, by the way. So number six is adding in more play and pleasure. So let’s start with play. The pickleball thing for me in the last year has been life-changing. It’s the one thing I want to do besides hang out with my family and work.It gives me social interaction and physical activity, stimulation for my brain because I am literally learning new things all the time. I’m meeting new people and remembering names.
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And some of these people have become good friends. So it fills a lot of buckets for me. We high achievers and go-getters can get tunnel vision and focus a lot on work and getting shit done. And while crossing off the to-do list feels really good, what I’ve learned in the last year is so does play. play feels really good. And as the saying goes, all work and no play, right? I’ve never had my thing all this time.And I finally feel like I found something that I will say yes to almost all the time. There have been other things in the past that I’ve liked, but not like this. Play is super important because it brings out the youth in all of us.
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And being able to completely get absorbed in what I’m doing means I’m not thinking about anything else, not work, not family, not all. world problems. It’s such a break from the realities of life that you can’t get from Netflix. Maybe you’re already good at play and maybe you already have something that you love to do. Great. Just do more of it and don’t feel guilty about it. Be unapologetic about indulging in the play.And if you don’t have something that does that for you like I didn’t, actively seek it out. Find something that you really love, whether it’s pickleball or tennis or dance or art, or some other creative outlet. Something that is purely, entirely, unapologetically yours and add more play. And now let’s talk about pleasure.
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There are two essential things to experiencing more pleasure that no one really talks about. And the first is slowing down. In order to experience pleasure, we have to slow down. You can’t experience pleasure when you’re on the go, bouncing hurriedly from thing to thing. In a busy, chaotic, full life, you can’t recognize an opportunity for pleasure, so you’ll just completely miss it.you can’t fully take it in and absorb it fully when you’re operating in high gear. So slowing down for me has been loosening my schedule so that I have more time for everything, more time to just walk my dog without my phone so I notice everything around me, stopping to talk to other dog walkers and to give some other doggies some love and say hi.
00:25:46
I am a sucker for animals though. It’s taking my meetings outside during my workday. That’s more enjoyable. It’s eating slower so I can really taste my food. Sex can only be fully enjoyed when you’ve surrendered and don’t have somewhere to be and something else to do.When we are pushing and driving and doing and we’re on the clock, we are outputting. There is no inputting and pleasure is all about receiving and taking it in, right? This is something most of us need to learn how to do better. Slow down and receive. It is the ultimate feminine energy and flow to be in that state. Yes, that might feel vulnerable to surrender in that way, but that is the only way to fully take it all in.
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The armor that we carry is a barrier and prevents receiving. So you have to lay that down and soften more often, ladies, just long enough to allow yourself to feel something delicious.The second secret to having more pleasure in your life is being more aware of your senses. Again, when we are walking that tightrope and we’re juggling everything all at once, we are in function mode. We’re seeing, smelling, hearing, tasting, and all of that, yes, but we’re not actually taking it in. So when you’ve slowed, consider your senses and notice what really smells amazing, what is really, truly beautiful. Don’t pass over it so quickly. Just admire it and take it in. Give yourself a minute or more to just take it. in. Have a sensory experience. Pleasure makes life more enjoyable.
00:27:25
So slow down and find the pleasure in everyday things. Notice it more because it is there and it’s everywhere.It’s the way your sheets feel when you slide into them. It’s the incredible sunset. You don’t have to try hard to find the pleasure. It is everywhere. But beyond the simple pleasures of day to day, add in things that you know will be pleasing. Make simple upgrades to your wardrobe or to your home. Invest in things that make you feel delighted like having fresh flowers in your house every week. I’ll leave you all to think about that for yourselves, and I would love your ideas and your suggestions. So make sure to subscribe over on YouTube so you can share your comments with me and each other. I really encourage you to work on this.
00:28:10
We all need it because when we are quickly moving through life, we can’t actually experience the full pleasure available to us. And before you know it, life is over and you’ve missed it. You’ve missed the whole thing. You’ve missed the whole point, which is having an enjoyable life. So one last thing to say before moving on to the last one. Slowing down and being aware of your senses and receiving more pleasure is the ultimate in feminine energy. And so many women are stuck in their masculine energy, all the doing and achieving and the being the responsible one who carries it all. So whether you have… have a partner in your life or not, you can do this for yourself right now.Anytime you can put yourself into your feminine energy instantly and just enjoy yourself.
00:28:59
And with that in mind, let’s get into the last habit because this one happens very naturally when your cup is full. Habit number seven, I focus on being a positive. force for good in the world. This is spreading joy, celebrating people, wanting the best for everyone you encounter, just being a positive force for good. And I saved this one for last because it might be the most underestimated habit on the entire list, because here’s what I know to be true. Your energy is a direct reflection of what you’re putting out into the world when you’reTearing people down, criticizing other people, comparing yourself to other people, keeping score, all of that is scarcity energy. That is low vibe and that is exactly what you will get back.
00:29:46
But when you’re genuinely cheering people on, when you believe there is more than enough room for everyone to win, that is abundance energy. That is high vibe, and that is what comes back to you tenfold. So give freely, celebrate loudly, lift people up, and watch how much higher your own vibe goes in the process. That is not woo. That is just how energy works. And being your most magnetic, alluring, beautiful, attractive, magnetic version of yourself is really not so much about how you look.It is more about how you are being in the world. And so that’s why this energy one is such habit, really. And that is why habit number seven is the most powerful of all. Two years ago, I told you I was in the best shape of my life, and it was true at the time.
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But today, I’m telling you it is even better now. That’s what happens when you commit to yourself every single day. So start somewhere, pick the one that resonates most, and make it yours. It’s not about being perfect. Don’t do that to yourself. Remember, it’s about showing up for yourself consistently, and when you do that, everything changes in the best possible way.It stops being so hard, and it starts feeling really good. really good. And that, my friends, is what getting older is supposed to feel like. It’s not a decline. It’s an upgrade. And it just gets to be better and better from here. If you’re interested in trying out my morning journaling method that I mentioned, check out the link in the show notes or in the description below.
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or you can go to readyforloveinc.com forward slash journal. And if this episode resonated with you and you want to go even deeper, I have another episode that you’re going to love.It’s called Five Fitness Rules I Break to Stay Super Fit Over 50 because once you’ve got all of these habits locked in, the next is throwing out everything that you thought you knew about working out. I’ll put the link in the show notes and in the description right here. Thanks for listening and I’ll see you next time.
