1
00:00:00.185 –> 00:00:02.645
The catalyst really for signing up
2
00:00:02.645 –> 00:00:05.365
for your program was a Saturday.
3
00:00:05.805 –> 00:00:06.965
I was laying on the couch
4
00:00:07.345 –> 00:00:09.565
and I had just gotten into an argument
5
00:00:09.635 –> 00:00:12.405
with a good male friend of mine the night before
6
00:00:12.545 –> 00:00:14.605
and completely out of character for me.
7
00:00:14.985 –> 00:00:16.125
And I was all alone.
8
00:00:16.265 –> 00:00:20.565
And I had, um, just a string
9
00:00:20.745 –> 00:00:22.805
of like these kinds of interactions
10
00:00:22.835 –> 00:00:24.245
that my heart was just hurting
11
00:00:24.305 –> 00:00:25.885
and I was taking it out on people.
12
00:00:26.945 –> 00:00:30.325
And I had another, a clarifying moment.
13
00:00:30.545 –> 00:00:32.525
That’s that something in my heart is broken.
14
00:00:32.525 –> 00:00:33.765
Something is broken. This
15
00:00:33.765 –> 00:00:35.445
what I’m doing right now isn’t working.
16
00:00:36.705 –> 00:00:41.605
And you and I had had a conversation right after that,
17
00:00:41.985 –> 00:00:45.645
and I just knew that I had
18
00:00:45.665 –> 00:00:47.685
to make an investment in myself
19
00:00:48.545 –> 00:00:50.445
and what I was doing wasn’t working
20
00:00:50.745 –> 00:00:53.925
and something drastic needed to shift.
21
00:00:55.945 –> 00:00:58.725
Hi, it’s Hillary. Welcome to the Ready for Love podcast.
22
00:01:02.145 –> 00:01:04.245
Thanks for tuning into the conversation today.
23
00:01:04.265 –> 00:01:06.645
If you haven’t already, it would mean so much to me.
24
00:01:06.945 –> 00:01:08.485
If you’d take a minute to just click
25
00:01:08.485 –> 00:01:10.445
that five star rating on your podcast app,
26
00:01:10.655 –> 00:01:12.245
leave a review and subscribe.
27
00:01:12.385 –> 00:01:14.245
So you never miss one of my episodes.
28
00:01:14.585 –> 00:01:16.245
And if you’re enjoying this podcast,
29
00:01:16.665 –> 00:01:18.565
please consider sharing it with a friend,
30
00:01:18.565 –> 00:01:21.285
because if you like it, they will probably like it too.
31
00:01:21.515 –> 00:01:23.845
Well, hi everybody, welcome to the Ready for Love podcast.
32
00:01:24.105 –> 00:01:25.485
We are. I am so excited.
33
00:01:25.545 –> 00:01:28.125
We have a special guest today, Lori Young.
34
00:01:28.375 –> 00:01:29.605
She’s an amazing woman
35
00:01:29.625 –> 00:01:31.085
and I can’t wait to share her with you.
36
00:01:31.905 –> 00:01:35.685
Um, what we are doing is welcoming graduates of the Ready
37
00:01:35.685 –> 00:01:38.645
for Love program, our alumni, um, so
38
00:01:38.645 –> 00:01:40.245
that we could talk about their journey
39
00:01:40.305 –> 00:01:41.605
and what it’s been like for them
40
00:01:41.705 –> 00:01:43.405
and where they were and where they are now.
41
00:01:43.505 –> 00:01:45.925
And of course, one of my favorite things to do is
42
00:01:45.925 –> 00:01:49.965
to brag on women, celebrate them, lift them up, affirm them.
43
00:01:50.105 –> 00:01:52.685
And everybody needs to know my amazing clients
44
00:01:52.685 –> 00:01:54.765
because I am the luckiest lady.
45
00:01:55.485 –> 00:01:58.485
I get to work with the most phenomenal humans on the planet.
46
00:01:58.865 –> 00:02:00.565
And today we’re gonna talk to Lori.
47
00:02:01.435 –> 00:02:04.045
Lori is, um, a Ready for Love alumni,
48
00:02:04.265 –> 00:02:05.525
but we have a special story
49
00:02:05.525 –> 00:02:06.965
and we’re gonna talk about that in just a minute.
50
00:02:06.965 –> 00:02:11.525
But currently, professionally, she is the executive director
51
00:02:11.585 –> 00:02:14.365
of the Adams 14 Educational Foundation,
52
00:02:14.465 –> 00:02:18.045
and that is a school district in the Denver Metro area.
53
00:02:18.545 –> 00:02:23.125
And she’s also a candidate running for Commerce City, uh,
54
00:02:23.155 –> 00:02:25.005
city at large, um, position.
55
00:02:25.185 –> 00:02:26.845
So we’re gonna hear all about that too.
56
00:02:27.025 –> 00:02:30.005
And I, when I found out about that, I was so excited
57
00:02:30.005 –> 00:02:33.205
because as you’ll hear in her story where she was
58
00:02:33.715 –> 00:02:37.205
when she started this journey, uh, with me so long ago,
59
00:02:37.265 –> 00:02:38.325
and where she is now
60
00:02:38.325 –> 00:02:40.845
that she’s putting herself out in the public eye, like that
61
00:02:41.465 –> 00:02:43.005
is light years of growth.
62
00:02:43.105 –> 00:02:44.325
And I couldn’t be more proud of her.
63
00:02:44.465 –> 00:02:47.765
And I want you to get to know her. So welcome Laurie.
64
00:02:48.235 –> 00:02:51.165
Okay. So I, uh, what, we’ll,
65
00:02:51.165 –> 00:02:52.805
we’ll talk about like our history,
66
00:02:53.025 –> 00:02:57.765
but when I found your podcast, I started listening to it
67
00:02:57.985 –> 00:03:02.525
and I, I feel like I’m talking to someone super famous
68
00:03:02.915 –> 00:03:06.525
because your voice runs on loop in my head.
69
00:03:07.185 –> 00:03:08.565
But it’s all good stuff.
70
00:03:08.785 –> 00:03:12.285
You know, it’s all like, it’s you telling me
71
00:03:12.515 –> 00:03:15.075
that I am badass.
72
00:03:15.535 –> 00:03:18.835
You are badass. And I mean, look,
73
00:03:18.935 –> 00:03:20.595
we grow up in an environment
74
00:03:20.615 –> 00:03:23.715
and in a culture unfortunately, where women are not taught
75
00:03:23.735 –> 00:03:26.675
to get each other’s backs from the time that we were like,
76
00:03:26.675 –> 00:03:27.715
or like middle school.
77
00:03:28.495 –> 00:03:29.675
And I hate that.
78
00:03:29.975 –> 00:03:34.715
And so in my world, wherever I go, I like
79
00:03:34.715 –> 00:03:37.515
to tell women that they look pretty or I like their outfits,
80
00:03:37.575 –> 00:03:40.035
or I tell them that they’re amazing or I just,
81
00:03:40.385 –> 00:03:41.395
because it’s true.
82
00:03:41.535 –> 00:03:43.075
And we all need to do that for each other.
83
00:03:43.255 –> 00:03:44.995
And that’s what Ready For Love is about,
84
00:03:45.615 –> 00:03:48.755
is turning women into women champions of each other.
85
00:03:49.655 –> 00:03:53.355
Um, and so I’m glad to hear that my voice still kind
86
00:03:53.355 –> 00:03:55.635
of plays out in a loop in your head.
87
00:03:55.835 –> 00:03:57.995
I always tell women as we’re enrolling them, you’re going
88
00:03:57.995 –> 00:03:59.955
to hear my voice in your head for the rest of your life,
89
00:03:59.955 –> 00:04:01.075
whether you like it or not.
90
00:04:02.215 –> 00:04:04.955
So at least they’re good words that you’re hearing. Okay.
91
00:04:04.975 –> 00:04:07.115
So let’s, what we’re gonna do is we’re gonna kind
92
00:04:07.115 –> 00:04:08.915
of chart the course of what’s been going on for you.
93
00:04:09.015 –> 00:04:11.675
And let’s, can you just tell everybody how we first met?
94
00:04:13.225 –> 00:04:16.595
Yeah. So my, um, husband at the time
95
00:04:16.695 –> 00:04:20.875
and I were going through a very challenging, um, season
96
00:04:20.895 –> 00:04:23.715
of our marriage and I was recommended to you
97
00:04:24.095 –> 00:04:25.795
by another friend of mine.
98
00:04:26.175 –> 00:04:30.835
And that’s how we met was me coming in at this really big
99
00:04:31.065 –> 00:04:33.395
kind of crisis turning point in my life.
100
00:04:34.375 –> 00:04:39.195
And, uh, the advice that I hear over and over
101
00:04:39.375 –> 00:04:44.035
and over again is, um, it’s the,
102
00:04:44.465 –> 00:04:46.035
it’s the Chinese finger trap.
103
00:04:46.775 –> 00:04:49.235
And the more I try to control
104
00:04:49.495 –> 00:04:53.395
and force, um, behavior from somebody else,
105
00:04:53.735 –> 00:04:55.595
the more my fingers get stuck.
106
00:04:56.055 –> 00:04:58.955
And that if I just relax and let the outcome be the outcome
107
00:04:58.975 –> 00:05:02.235
and their behavior be their behavior, that it’s easier
108
00:05:02.335 –> 00:05:04.355
to get out of that finger trap.
109
00:05:04.775 –> 00:05:09.115
And that was a very clarifying moment
110
00:05:09.415 –> 00:05:10.875
for me in my marriage
111
00:05:11.215 –> 00:05:15.915
and my own tendency to want to try to control
112
00:05:16.615 –> 00:05:19.035
how he behaves, thinks, feels.
113
00:05:19.935 –> 00:05:22.635
And it was just a little glimpse of a moment
114
00:05:22.815 –> 00:05:25.275
for reclaiming myself. Yeah.
115
00:05:25.575 –> 00:05:27.875
Wow. And so I haven’t thought about that metaphor
116
00:05:28.255 –> 00:05:29.755
or that in a long time.
117
00:05:29.755 –> 00:05:31.915
You’re bringing back a, and for the listeners,
118
00:05:32.025 –> 00:05:33.875
this is pre-read for Love.
119
00:05:34.055 –> 00:05:36.595
We met back when I was in private practice
120
00:05:37.015 –> 00:05:40.115
and we were doing some couples therapy together way back in
121
00:05:40.115 –> 00:05:42.195
the day and that, so when was that, like, what year was
122
00:05:42.195 –> 00:05:43.195
that approximately?
123
00:05:43.775 –> 00:05:47.475
Oh, probably 2009, 2008.
124
00:05:48.215 –> 00:05:51.075
And I remember, I remember so much of that that time.
125
00:05:51.395 –> 00:05:53.115
I mean that my brain works in funny ways,
126
00:05:53.145 –> 00:05:54.955
like certain things I can’t remember at all.
127
00:05:54.955 –> 00:05:56.555
My daughter complains. I have a terrible memory,
128
00:05:56.615 –> 00:05:58.765
but I remember those back then.
129
00:05:58.885 –> 00:06:01.165
I remember in the office sitting there with the two of you
130
00:06:01.265 –> 00:06:03.485
and some of the things that you guys were struggling with.
131
00:06:03.995 –> 00:06:06.365
Fast forward, you guys ended up getting divorced
132
00:06:06.385 –> 00:06:08.805
and we worked together one-on-one a little bit,
133
00:06:09.305 –> 00:06:10.685
and then you went on your merry way
134
00:06:10.705 –> 00:06:12.605
and I didn’t hear from you again for a while.
135
00:06:12.985 –> 00:06:15.885
And then in 2 20 17 I launched Ready for Love
136
00:06:15.945 –> 00:06:19.725
and Oh, lower Surfaces resurfaces and reaches out
137
00:06:20.425 –> 00:06:21.965
and signs up for Ready for Love.
138
00:06:21.985 –> 00:06:25.005
You were one of the very first crop of women to,
139
00:06:25.105 –> 00:06:26.485
to sign up and go through the program.
140
00:06:26.875 –> 00:06:28.405
That sounds right. ’cause you were pretty
141
00:06:28.405 –> 00:06:29.645
early on. Yes, yes.
142
00:06:29.875 –> 00:06:32.045
Yeah. Mm-hmm. So tell everybody, okay,
143
00:06:32.065 –> 00:06:34.725
so you had been single for about 10 years at that time,
144
00:06:35.145 –> 00:06:36.485
or eight? Eight.
145
00:06:36.505 –> 00:06:39.485
It would’ve been about six or seven years, yeah. Okay.
146
00:06:39.705 –> 00:06:40.965
Six or seven years. Mm-hmm.
147
00:06:41.045 –> 00:06:42.325
And you reached out because what,
148
00:06:42.325 –> 00:06:43.525
what was going on with you?
149
00:06:43.525 –> 00:06:45.565
What were you struggling with? What was happening?
150
00:06:46.285 –> 00:06:49.405
I was cycling through the same relationship
151
00:06:49.595 –> 00:06:52.805
that was going nowhere for a long time.
152
00:06:53.345 –> 00:06:58.005
And I was also like meeting and dating other people.
153
00:06:58.625 –> 00:07:03.125
And specifically at that time, there was a guy
154
00:07:03.425 –> 00:07:05.325
who had reached out out of the blue
155
00:07:06.225 –> 00:07:08.885
and I was smitten
156
00:07:08.915 –> 00:07:11.565
with him from like the very first moment I saw him,
157
00:07:11.825 –> 00:07:14.615
but he was a breadcrumb.
158
00:07:15.435 –> 00:07:18.415
And so he would reach out and I would get really excited
159
00:07:19.195 –> 00:07:21.895
and then he’d be like, oh, I just wanna be friends.
160
00:07:22.715 –> 00:07:26.135
And so I would like accept these little breadcrumbs.
161
00:07:26.435 –> 00:07:30.015
And the catalyst really for signing up
162
00:07:30.015 –> 00:07:32.735
for your program was a Saturday.
163
00:07:33.135 –> 00:07:34.335
I was laying on the couch
164
00:07:34.675 –> 00:07:36.895
and I had just gotten into an argument
165
00:07:36.965 –> 00:07:39.735
with a good male friend of mine the night before
166
00:07:39.875 –> 00:07:41.975
and completely out of character for me.
167
00:07:42.435 –> 00:07:43.575
And I was all alone.
168
00:07:43.715 –> 00:07:47.755
And I had, um, just a string
169
00:07:47.895 –> 00:07:50.155
of like these kinds of interactions
170
00:07:50.185 –> 00:07:51.555
that my heart was just hurting
171
00:07:51.655 –> 00:07:53.195
and I was taking it out on people.
172
00:07:54.255 –> 00:07:58.315
And I had another, a clarifying moment that’s
173
00:07:58.315 –> 00:07:59.875
that something in my heart is broken.
174
00:07:59.875 –> 00:08:01.235
Something is broken, this
175
00:08:01.235 –> 00:08:02.835
what I’m doing right now isn’t working.
176
00:08:03.815 –> 00:08:08.235
And you and I had had a conversation right
177
00:08:08.245 –> 00:08:12.955
after that and I just knew that I had
178
00:08:13.015 –> 00:08:15.035
to make an investment in myself
179
00:08:15.895 –> 00:08:17.835
and what I was doing wasn’t working
180
00:08:18.095 –> 00:08:21.355
and something drastic needed to shift.
181
00:08:22.025 –> 00:08:23.675
Yeah, I remember that conversation.
182
00:08:24.035 –> 00:08:25.715
I remember the enrollment conversation.
183
00:08:26.955 –> 00:08:28.475
’cause I, again, I remember those types
184
00:08:28.475 –> 00:08:29.755
of things for a lot of women.
185
00:08:30.075 –> 00:08:32.395
’cause it’s just so, it’s like when you read a good book
186
00:08:32.615 –> 00:08:34.195
or you watch an amazing memoir
187
00:08:34.215 –> 00:08:36.955
or you know, like those things stick with us.
188
00:08:36.965 –> 00:08:38.155
Those stories stick with us.
189
00:08:38.415 –> 00:08:39.875
And I do you remember saying this?
190
00:08:39.895 –> 00:08:42.515
You were like, I was, we were talking about the investment,
191
00:08:42.615 –> 00:08:45.155
the actual financial investment to get started.
192
00:08:45.375 –> 00:08:47.795
And you’re like, but Hillary, I’m saving for a couch.
193
00:08:49.415 –> 00:08:52.235
And I was like, Lori, do you wanna save for a couch
194
00:08:52.335 –> 00:08:53.795
or do you wanna invest in yourself
195
00:08:53.795 –> 00:08:56.085
and then buy a home together with somebody someday
196
00:08:56.225 –> 00:08:59.325
and fill it up with amazing furniture and blah, blah, blah.
197
00:08:59.325 –> 00:09:02.045
And here we are now, which I’m not gonna spoil the We’ll,
198
00:09:02.045 –> 00:09:03.125
we’ll get to the, oh,
199
00:09:03.125 –> 00:09:04.125
Well, okay.
200
00:09:04.125 –> 00:09:05.365
I was gonna do a spoiler alert,
201
00:09:05.425 –> 00:09:07.485
but No, we’ll, we’ll wait to share that. Do
202
00:09:07.485 –> 00:09:08.485
You remember that?
203
00:09:08.565 –> 00:09:09.605
I totally remember that.
204
00:09:09.685 –> 00:09:14.565
I think about that couch comment all the time. Yes.
205
00:09:14.925 –> 00:09:16.765
I, I I tell people that story too.
206
00:09:17.275 –> 00:09:20.405
Like, okay, there is a financial component,
207
00:09:21.505 –> 00:09:24.885
not just an emotional one and a psychological one
208
00:09:25.065 –> 00:09:26.165
and a wellness one
209
00:09:26.165 –> 00:09:28.685
and a, well, like there is a financial component
210
00:09:28.685 –> 00:09:31.325
because it is very expensive to live a single life
211
00:09:31.325 –> 00:09:34.605
to retire on one income instead of two, to pay your bills
212
00:09:34.905 –> 00:09:37.285
by yourself instead of two to travel on one.
213
00:09:37.545 –> 00:09:40.365
So Yeah, there is, and that was something that you, we had
214
00:09:40.365 –> 00:09:41.765
to talk about when you were getting started.
215
00:09:41.825 –> 00:09:43.805
And I know it was scary for you to invest in yourself
216
00:09:43.805 –> 00:09:45.045
because you’re a single mom and
217
00:09:45.045 –> 00:09:46.925
your kids were still young at the time. Yeah,
218
00:09:47.115 –> 00:09:48.115
Yeah. They were.
219
00:09:48.115 –> 00:09:51.405
Um, what I have since learned from
220
00:09:51.405 –> 00:09:53.925
that experience is that I’m worth investing in
221
00:09:54.745 –> 00:09:58.325
and the couch, whatever will come and go.
222
00:09:58.425 –> 00:10:00.405
But, um, but I’m here.
223
00:10:00.555 –> 00:10:04.485
Like, I’m here to stay and I’m worth investing in.
224
00:10:04.485 –> 00:10:08.805
And it was scary because my perception of money at
225
00:10:08.805 –> 00:10:11.045
that time was really wrapped up in security.
226
00:10:11.185 –> 00:10:12.765
If I have money, then I’m secure.
227
00:10:13.265 –> 00:10:16.805
But there were so many other things that I learned
228
00:10:16.995 –> 00:10:19.645
that helped me develop my own sense of security
229
00:10:20.385 –> 00:10:22.205
and having my own back
230
00:10:22.985 –> 00:10:25.845
and being my own best friend
231
00:10:26.025 –> 00:10:28.645
and that I can, I can make more money.
232
00:10:28.885 –> 00:10:30.085
I didn’t think I could at the time,
233
00:10:30.265 –> 00:10:32.485
but I really could make more money.
234
00:10:33.115 –> 00:10:36.205
Yeah. Well, and people say time is money,
235
00:10:36.265 –> 00:10:38.325
but you can always get, make more money.
236
00:10:38.345 –> 00:10:41.245
You can never get time back that That’s right. And right.
237
00:10:41.305 –> 00:10:43.125
And when, when you invest in yourself
238
00:10:43.265 –> 00:10:45.405
and you grow yourself, you will make more money
239
00:10:45.405 –> 00:10:47.485
because you just become a better you.
240
00:10:47.485 –> 00:10:50.445
You’re wiser, you’re expanded, you know, more.
241
00:10:51.025 –> 00:10:52.445
You’re, you know, you’re just,
242
00:10:52.505 –> 00:10:54.845
you have a greater capacity for all things.
243
00:10:55.025 –> 00:10:58.405
And so when you, every time you invest in yourself,
244
00:10:58.505 –> 00:10:59.965
you are putting money back in your own
245
00:10:59.965 –> 00:11:01.445
pocket without a doubt.
246
00:11:01.905 –> 00:11:03.885
So I love that. So I I’m sure you’ve done a lot
247
00:11:03.885 –> 00:11:05.605
of other things since the program.
248
00:11:06.325 –> 00:11:08.965
’cause look where you are now. Like you’ve done a blog,
249
00:11:09.025 –> 00:11:11.885
you’ve done coaching and consulting
250
00:11:11.985 –> 00:11:15.125
and like, you’ve done a lot of things since then. Um, yeah.
251
00:11:15.205 –> 00:11:18.245
I feel like consistency would is valuable.
252
00:11:18.345 –> 00:11:21.325
But then again, every single thing that I’ve done,
253
00:11:22.445 –> 00:11:25.285
I have taken away some kind of, as you call it,
254
00:11:25.285 –> 00:11:26.285
like a golden nugget.
255
00:11:26.635 –> 00:11:30.245
Yeah. Um, I have taken away something very, very valuable
256
00:11:30.705 –> 00:11:33.645
for myself, even if the thing didn’t work out.
257
00:11:34.035 –> 00:11:35.525
Exactly. I’ve had those things
258
00:11:35.705 –> 00:11:37.525
and I’m grateful for all of those things.
259
00:11:37.665 –> 00:11:38.685
Mm-hmm. Um,
260
00:11:38.785 –> 00:11:41.685
and when you live with that mindset, you’re never scared
261
00:11:42.265 –> 00:11:44.805
to take another risk ever. Right.
262
00:11:45.385 –> 00:11:48.645
That’s, that is a hundred percent true. Yes.
263
00:11:48.675 –> 00:11:50.805
Yeah. Because again, the Chinese finger trap,
264
00:11:50.825 –> 00:11:54.165
you can’t control what happens with other people
265
00:11:54.225 –> 00:11:55.525
and what they do and the outcomes.
266
00:11:55.625 –> 00:11:57.885
So if you just relax and let that go and trust
267
00:11:57.885 –> 00:12:00.285
and have, have your own faith, whatever that is,
268
00:12:00.345 –> 00:12:03.005
and the outcome really is about you
269
00:12:03.105 –> 00:12:04.525
and how you’re handling yourself,
270
00:12:05.985 –> 00:12:07.845
you always get the win no matter what.
271
00:12:08.225 –> 00:12:12.205
Yes. And so more recently, when I started listening
272
00:12:12.205 –> 00:12:13.805
to your podcast, it was in May,
273
00:12:14.745 –> 00:12:18.205
and I have been feeling very sedentary.
274
00:12:18.465 –> 00:12:21.125
So I’m like, I’m gonna go outside and just go for a walk
275
00:12:21.785 –> 00:12:24.325
and oh look, I’ll just listen to Hillary’s podcast
276
00:12:24.785 –> 00:12:28.765
and all of these little pieces of wisdom
277
00:12:29.825 –> 00:12:34.165
and the remembering about being grateful for the hard things
278
00:12:34.385 –> 00:12:36.685
and remembering that I have my back
279
00:12:36.785 –> 00:12:39.005
and remembering that I’m worth investing in.
280
00:12:39.785 –> 00:12:44.725
Um, they had all kind of built up to this decision to run
281
00:12:44.725 –> 00:12:48.365
for city council, uh, because it was a really scary thing.
282
00:12:48.595 –> 00:12:51.005
It’s very outside of my comfort zone,
283
00:12:51.145 –> 00:12:54.485
but that alone, the Chinese finger trap, I can’t,
284
00:12:54.885 –> 00:12:56.885
I can’t control what other people think.
285
00:12:57.405 –> 00:12:58.925
I can’t control if they vote for me,
286
00:12:59.785 –> 00:13:04.365
but I can have full control over how hard I work to do this.
287
00:13:05.025 –> 00:13:09.045
And if, if it doesn’t work out, I will have gained
288
00:13:09.785 –> 00:13:12.645
so much knowledge about myself
289
00:13:13.665 –> 00:13:16.605
and so much knowledge about my city.
290
00:13:16.605 –> 00:13:19.765
Because you can’t run for city council without
291
00:13:20.465 –> 00:13:23.605
taking a deep dive into like, the issues of the city
292
00:13:23.605 –> 00:13:24.605
and what’s going on.
293
00:13:24.995 –> 00:13:26.165
Yeah. Um, and so
294
00:13:26.165 –> 00:13:28.605
that knowledge somewhere along the way is gonna help me.
295
00:13:28.835 –> 00:13:30.965
That completely eases my anxiety.
296
00:13:31.165 –> 00:13:33.765
I mean, I have to psych myself up every day.
297
00:13:36.645 –> 00:13:39.765
I have a beautiful journal that I write in every single day
298
00:13:40.555 –> 00:13:43.765
that, um, that helps get my mind right
299
00:13:43.825 –> 00:13:45.165
and changes my mindset.
300
00:13:45.715 –> 00:13:48.445
Amazing. Is it the Daily Journal? It’s the
301
00:13:48.445 –> 00:13:49.445
Daily Journal.
302
00:13:50.185 –> 00:13:51.725
It is a beautiful experience.
303
00:13:52.225 –> 00:13:54.765
Not only are you learning about yourself in the city,
304
00:13:54.945 –> 00:13:58.725
but you are stepping into your next level identity.
305
00:13:59.225 –> 00:14:00.965
You’re growing yourself.
306
00:14:01.315 –> 00:14:04.765
It’s who you’re being in the, in the experience
307
00:14:04.765 –> 00:14:07.405
of doing this, seeing yourself handle things,
308
00:14:07.865 –> 00:14:10.085
seeing yourself respond to these things.
309
00:14:10.265 –> 00:14:13.325
You are growing every single time
310
00:14:13.325 –> 00:14:15.165
that you put yourself out there in this way.
311
00:14:15.375 –> 00:14:17.245
Let’s go back to the program and talk about some
312
00:14:17.245 –> 00:14:18.605
of the big key takeaways.
313
00:14:18.625 –> 00:14:21.325
And I have one that I always talk about with people
314
00:14:21.865 –> 00:14:26.085
who are potentially enrolling, um, um, when it comes up
315
00:14:26.085 –> 00:14:27.485
and it’s appropriate for their story.
316
00:14:27.865 –> 00:14:30.285
But tell us what were some of the really powerful things
317
00:14:30.305 –> 00:14:32.045
and where you were stuck, you know,
318
00:14:32.045 –> 00:14:33.325
and how it unlocked that for you.
319
00:14:33.955 –> 00:14:35.925
Yeah, so there was a, there was a couple things.
320
00:14:36.185 –> 00:14:38.205
Um, when I first signed up for the program,
321
00:14:38.335 –> 00:14:39.405
there were about three
322
00:14:39.425 –> 00:14:42.445
or four nights that I woke up in the middle of the night,
323
00:14:43.225 –> 00:14:46.525
um, completely freaked out by the investment I just made.
324
00:14:47.165 –> 00:14:51.605
I was in a faith community at that time that
325
00:14:52.545 –> 00:14:56.605
really kind of pushed back on this idea of self-development.
326
00:14:57.545 –> 00:15:00.805
And I just was so worried that
327
00:15:00.805 –> 00:15:04.805
what I was gonna learn was going to, um, be
328
00:15:05.675 –> 00:15:08.205
against some of those things
329
00:15:08.205 –> 00:15:10.005
that I’d been taught and that I believed.
330
00:15:10.505 –> 00:15:13.885
And it, it wasn’t that as much as having a conversation
331
00:15:13.885 –> 00:15:14.965
with you about it.
332
00:15:16.025 –> 00:15:19.205
And I finally, uh,
333
00:15:19.405 –> 00:15:21.205
I couldn’t take the no sleep anymore.
334
00:15:21.425 –> 00:15:24.685
So I was like, well, I, I have to have a conversation
335
00:15:24.685 –> 00:15:25.685
with Hillary about it.
336
00:15:26.385 –> 00:15:30.325
And I think that’s one of the first times really,
337
00:15:30.715 –> 00:15:34.245
that I had the courage to say what I was thinking
338
00:15:35.065 –> 00:15:37.815
and to, to say like,
339
00:15:37.815 –> 00:15:40.855
something really hard and be vulnerable.
340
00:15:41.675 –> 00:15:45.695
And, um, of course you’re Hillary, you were like, well,
341
00:15:46.045 –> 00:15:47.895
yeah, I totally get that.
342
00:15:48.175 –> 00:15:51.815
I understand and let’s talk about it and tell me more
343
00:15:51.835 –> 00:15:52.895
and tell me what you think.
344
00:15:53.235 –> 00:15:58.095
And that was a really great example for me, that I need
345
00:15:58.095 –> 00:15:59.375
to have the hard conversation
346
00:15:59.875 –> 00:16:03.655
and that regardless of how it went, I was gonna be okay.
347
00:16:04.475 –> 00:16:07.855
Um, because, uh, I was so used to
348
00:16:09.475 –> 00:16:13.615
the idea that I was responsible for not making somebody mad
349
00:16:14.315 –> 00:16:16.655
or I was responsible for keeping them happy.
350
00:16:17.995 –> 00:16:22.775
And I learned to be responsible for me and my own feelings
351
00:16:22.995 –> 00:16:27.895
and my own experiences and asking for what I need.
352
00:16:28.635 –> 00:16:31.375
Um, so that was lesson number one. And then
353
00:16:31.975 –> 00:16:34.655
I remember that conversation, by the way, do you I was,
354
00:16:34.735 –> 00:16:36.695
I was on, I was going on a walk in the neighborhood.
355
00:16:37.015 –> 00:16:39.255
Yeah. When we had that conver I remember exactly
356
00:16:39.255 –> 00:16:42.335
where we were when, when, when we were having that uhhuh.
357
00:16:42.765 –> 00:16:44.895
Yeah. And I remember just, you were,
358
00:16:44.965 –> 00:16:46.615
that was a profound moment for you.
359
00:16:46.755 –> 00:16:51.015
And it seems so simple that I didn’t even realize the impact
360
00:16:51.015 –> 00:16:52.015
that it was gonna have on you.
361
00:16:52.295 –> 00:16:55.695
’cause you know, it just seemed so foundational
362
00:16:55.755 –> 00:16:58.055
or fundamental to be able to have a conversation like that.
363
00:16:58.715 –> 00:17:03.375
But, but I, so I learned from you in that experience
364
00:17:04.045 –> 00:17:06.455
just how hard that can be for some women to do.
365
00:17:06.485 –> 00:17:08.015
When you celebrated that you did it
366
00:17:08.015 –> 00:17:09.815
and you said, I think that conversation was worth
367
00:17:09.815 –> 00:17:10.935
the entire investment alone.
368
00:17:11.085 –> 00:17:13.215
Yeah. And I was like, okay, well I had,
369
00:17:13.375 –> 00:17:14.895
I I learned from you.
370
00:17:15.355 –> 00:17:17.535
Oh, what, like, that was such a pivotal moment.
371
00:17:17.915 –> 00:17:20.975
And so then to like learn about,
372
00:17:21.075 –> 00:17:22.935
you call it the sunny side up,
373
00:17:22.995 –> 00:17:27.855
but two distinct individuals that are not overlapping,
374
00:17:28.155 –> 00:17:32.455
but that can be two distinct individuals
375
00:17:32.455 –> 00:17:35.215
with their own feelings, thoughts, beliefs, behaviors.
376
00:17:35.215 –> 00:17:39.055
That there is no ounce of like trying to control
377
00:17:39.755 –> 00:17:44.535
or, um, or in, you know, you have influence
378
00:17:44.535 –> 00:17:45.575
of course in your relationship,
379
00:17:45.635 –> 00:17:48.455
but that you’re not responsible for each other’s feelings.
380
00:17:50.145 –> 00:17:54.015
And I just never thought about it like that.
381
00:17:54.335 –> 00:17:57.735
I had always felt responsible for all of the people
382
00:17:58.035 –> 00:18:02.415
around me, and that if I’m like quiet and laid back
383
00:18:02.555 –> 00:18:06.735
and sweet that I can control their
384
00:18:07.495 –> 00:18:09.815
feelings in their day
385
00:18:10.035 –> 00:18:12.615
and that they could come home really moody
386
00:18:12.675 –> 00:18:15.855
and like, so at the end of the day, and if I was like bright
387
00:18:15.855 –> 00:18:20.775
and sunny and cherry and had dinner made that like, oh, like
388
00:18:21.045 –> 00:18:22.135
that will make him feel better.
389
00:18:22.145 –> 00:18:26.735
Right. And that one line, I, you know,
390
00:18:27.625 –> 00:18:29.175
don’t make me mad
391
00:18:29.755 –> 00:18:34.725
or you make me happy that, uh,
392
00:18:35.165 –> 00:18:39.585
I, I learned that is the FST statement
393
00:18:39.615 –> 00:18:41.105
that we say to each other
394
00:18:41.135 –> 00:18:45.025
because I cannot control how you feel.
395
00:18:46.045 –> 00:18:47.945
But knowing that
396
00:18:48.205 –> 00:18:51.545
and owning that for myself, I could take responsibility
397
00:18:51.685 –> 00:18:55.785
for my feelings that I stopped putting my
398
00:18:56.515 –> 00:18:59.785
moods on other people to make me happy,
399
00:19:00.445 –> 00:19:03.185
and I could take responsibility for my choices
400
00:19:03.525 –> 00:19:04.905
and my decisions.
401
00:19:05.325 –> 00:19:10.145
And that even in a relationship, I still get
402
00:19:10.165 –> 00:19:14.705
to be me wholly, uniquely me.
403
00:19:15.605 –> 00:19:19.185
And if the other person isn’t here for it, that is
404
00:19:19.745 –> 00:19:22.505
a them problem and not a Lori problem. I
405
00:19:22.505 –> 00:19:24.745
Wanna highlight a couple things, uh, about that.
406
00:19:24.845 –> 00:19:28.705
You, I remember talking about, um, with you once about
407
00:19:29.045 –> 00:19:33.585
how you had said by kind of toning yourself down
408
00:19:34.665 –> 00:19:37.785
a little bit to appeal to a lot of people, it allowed you
409
00:19:37.785 –> 00:19:40.305
to not have to take responsibility for things,
410
00:19:40.845 –> 00:19:43.985
but then also so it wouldn’t be your fault.
411
00:19:44.595 –> 00:19:46.065
Right? But also maybe,
412
00:19:46.465 –> 00:19:47.865
’cause you probably had a history of being blamed
413
00:19:47.865 –> 00:19:50.065
for things, but also you weren’t then able
414
00:19:50.065 –> 00:19:52.265
to claim victory when it was right.
415
00:19:52.325 –> 00:19:54.625
So you were, I remember at that job at the time
416
00:19:54.625 –> 00:19:56.825
that you had, you stepped fully into a leadership role
417
00:19:57.175 –> 00:20:01.705
because of that, knowing that and being okay with that.
418
00:20:01.805 –> 00:20:04.625
And like, I’m gonna take responsibility for the things
419
00:20:04.625 –> 00:20:06.465
that don’t work out because that allows me
420
00:20:06.465 –> 00:20:09.505
to then claim victory when it is my win.
421
00:20:09.605 –> 00:20:11.625
And, and I remember that. Do you remember that?
422
00:20:12.225 –> 00:20:14.825
I, I wrote, I remember it like it was yesterday
423
00:20:14.825 –> 00:20:17.305
because I think about it all the time still.
424
00:20:17.515 –> 00:20:18.665
Isn’t it crazy how the,
425
00:20:18.665 –> 00:20:20.185
what we’re talking about really doesn’t seem
426
00:20:20.185 –> 00:20:21.825
to have anything to do with, with dating
427
00:20:21.845 –> 00:20:22.985
and love and finding love.
428
00:20:23.405 –> 00:20:26.865
It really is about our individual selves. It really is.
429
00:20:27.525 –> 00:20:30.105
Yes. Yeah. Yeah. That’s why it’s really just the impact
430
00:20:30.125 –> 00:20:31.145
is so far reaching.
431
00:20:31.705 –> 00:20:34.345
I take myself, you know, into my relationship,
432
00:20:34.445 –> 00:20:37.945
but I take myself into work and my relationship with my kids
433
00:20:38.365 –> 00:20:42.265
and, um, dreaming and thinking about what I want
434
00:20:42.325 –> 00:20:43.825
and what I desire for the future.
435
00:20:44.545 –> 00:20:47.365
I have to know myself, myself,
436
00:20:47.365 –> 00:20:51.405
and I have to be okay with who I am in relationship
437
00:20:51.465 –> 00:20:55.365
to myself before I can do any of the other things
438
00:20:55.365 –> 00:20:57.005
that I do in my life effectively.
439
00:20:57.545 –> 00:20:59.205
Man, are you doing it well? So one more thing
440
00:20:59.205 –> 00:21:00.565
that I remember that I wanna share,
441
00:21:00.565 –> 00:21:02.645
and you see if you remember this too, um,
442
00:21:03.245 –> 00:21:07.045
I remember when you were dating, you were trying to decide,
443
00:21:07.665 –> 00:21:09.765
do I need to be with somebody who shares my faith?
444
00:21:09.995 –> 00:21:11.885
Because faith is very important to you,
445
00:21:12.305 –> 00:21:13.965
and you were afraid to date somebody
446
00:21:14.105 –> 00:21:15.365
who didn’t share your faith
447
00:21:15.365 –> 00:21:17.765
because you were afraid if you were with somebody
448
00:21:17.785 –> 00:21:19.925
who didn’t share your faith, you would lose it
449
00:21:20.475 –> 00:21:22.525
because that’s what had happened in your marriage.
450
00:21:23.385 –> 00:21:27.085
And we had a long conversation about, well, it, how,
451
00:21:27.185 –> 00:21:28.445
why is this important to you?
452
00:21:28.905 –> 00:21:31.645
Mm-hmm. It’s may, it’s okay if it is important to you,
453
00:21:32.545 –> 00:21:35.365
but we don’t want you to just feel like you have to date
454
00:21:35.395 –> 00:21:37.045
with somebody of the same faith
455
00:21:37.555 –> 00:21:40.525
because you’ll afraid you’ll lose yourself.
456
00:21:40.985 –> 00:21:42.525
Mm-hmm. And so, right.
457
00:21:42.825 –> 00:21:46.725
You still ended up deciding that was important to you, but
458
00:21:46.725 –> 00:21:51.485
because it was something not fear-based, but just by choice.
459
00:21:52.015 –> 00:21:53.525
Right. And, and,
460
00:21:53.545 –> 00:21:56.085
and the, the, do you remember what the solution was?
461
00:21:56.115 –> 00:21:59.045
Like how you were able to, do you remember that? I think,
462
00:22:00.025 –> 00:22:04.805
Uh, what I remember is you telling me it’s kind of like,
463
00:22:04.915 –> 00:22:07.485
like because because this is really important to you.
464
00:22:07.485 –> 00:22:11.245
You’ve decided that, you’ve determined that, um, it’s kind
465
00:22:11.245 –> 00:22:14.525
of like two people decide one person wants
466
00:22:14.525 –> 00:22:15.645
to have kids and the other one doesn’t.
467
00:22:15.755 –> 00:22:17.685
Like you have to decide how you
468
00:22:17.905 –> 00:22:20.045
and this other person move forward together.
469
00:22:20.625 –> 00:22:24.405
But it is, but it is a, a decision that I make
470
00:22:26.135 –> 00:22:28.195
and only I make.
471
00:22:28.245 –> 00:22:30.395
Right. Like, my faith community doesn’t
472
00:22:30.395 –> 00:22:31.435
make this decision for me.
473
00:22:31.635 –> 00:22:33.515
I make the decision for me. Yeah.
474
00:22:33.735 –> 00:22:35.915
Um, that relationship didn’t work out,
475
00:22:36.775 –> 00:22:41.685
but I think it really had very little to do with the face
476
00:22:42.235 –> 00:22:45.285
component and it just, we were just two people
477
00:22:45.385 –> 00:22:46.685
who weren’t going to work out.
478
00:22:47.205 –> 00:22:48.525
Ultimately. And I’m saying this for the,
479
00:22:48.525 –> 00:22:52.605
everybody who’s listening is, you don’t have to be afraid
480
00:22:53.065 –> 00:22:56.245
of losing yourself in any relationship when you promise
481
00:22:56.565 –> 00:22:57.645
yourself you’ll never do it.
482
00:22:57.675 –> 00:23:01.005
It’s really up to you. So you could have chosen somebody
483
00:23:01.005 –> 00:23:04.525
with a different faith if that, if you know,
484
00:23:04.665 –> 00:23:05.765
you could have done that
485
00:23:05.765 –> 00:23:07.685
because you know, Lori will never do that
486
00:23:07.685 –> 00:23:08.845
to herself ever again.
487
00:23:09.475 –> 00:23:11.725
That is up to you, self betrayal
488
00:23:12.465 –> 00:23:15.125
and losing pieces of you in a relationship
489
00:23:15.125 –> 00:23:17.045
that are important to you isn’t something
490
00:23:17.045 –> 00:23:18.125
that somebody else can do.
491
00:23:18.795 –> 00:23:21.005
That is only something that we do to ourselves.
492
00:23:21.745 –> 00:23:23.725
So when you, when you get your own back
493
00:23:23.725 –> 00:23:26.645
and you know that you’ll never do that, you don’t have
494
00:23:26.645 –> 00:23:28.645
to pick somebody of, of the same faith
495
00:23:28.785 –> 00:23:33.125
or same anything from a fear-based reason.
496
00:23:33.215 –> 00:23:34.765
Right. It’s, yeah.
497
00:23:35.125 –> 00:23:37.285
Ultimately you decided it was still important to you anyway,
498
00:23:37.665 –> 00:23:39.405
but which great, you know,
499
00:23:39.665 –> 00:23:41.725
but it’s not from a fear place of fear,
500
00:23:41.775 –> 00:23:42.925
which I love for you.
501
00:23:44.035 –> 00:23:48.865
Yeah. I learned what I value,
502
00:23:49.725 –> 00:23:51.745
and I can’t quote you back to you
503
00:23:51.745 –> 00:23:54.265
because you, you articulated it so well,
504
00:23:54.365 –> 00:23:56.305
but I made that decision for myself.
505
00:23:56.615 –> 00:24:00.545
Yeah. And I, I have my own back.
506
00:24:01.065 –> 00:24:05.625
I can, um, be in relationships with people
507
00:24:06.125 –> 00:24:08.825
and still be me because that’s important to me.
508
00:24:08.985 –> 00:24:11.585
I value that. I value my authenticity
509
00:24:11.585 –> 00:24:13.905
and I value my integrity.
510
00:24:14.485 –> 00:24:17.025
But I just had an aha while you were saying that so
511
00:24:18.285 –> 00:24:19.285
Nicely Done. You
512
00:24:19.285 –> 00:24:20.985
should talk more often. Let’s just talk more often.
513
00:24:21.465 –> 00:24:24.545
I know. So let’s fast forward and spoiler. Okay.
514
00:24:24.685 –> 00:24:26.865
So tell everybody where you’re at now.
515
00:24:28.325 –> 00:24:30.585
So I did end up getting that new couch,
516
00:24:31.205 –> 00:24:34.865
but I bought it with my husband for our new home.
517
00:24:35.765 –> 00:24:39.105
And, uh, I met this really
518
00:24:40.015 –> 00:24:44.785
kind lovely human being in 2020, um, at a golf tournament.
519
00:24:45.405 –> 00:24:49.665
And, um, I had a couple drinks. I wasn’t driving.
520
00:24:50.065 –> 00:24:51.225
I knew that I was okay.
521
00:24:51.385 –> 00:24:52.865
I didn’t have my kids, all the things.
522
00:24:53.845 –> 00:24:57.865
And, uh, I see this, this guy sitting at a table
523
00:24:57.935 –> 00:24:59.145
with some friends of mine
524
00:24:59.565 –> 00:25:03.145
and I said, you know, hey friend is your,
525
00:25:03.725 –> 00:25:05.225
is your friend here single?
526
00:25:06.025 –> 00:25:08.345
And he of course heard me, uh,
527
00:25:08.345 –> 00:25:09.625
because he’s sitting right there
528
00:25:09.765 –> 00:25:11.945
and he said, uh, well, yes I am.
529
00:25:12.085 –> 00:25:15.105
And I said, mm-hmm. Well, you need to ask me out to dinner.
530
00:25:15.845 –> 00:25:18.265
And he goes, okay, would you like
531
00:25:18.265 –> 00:25:19.425
to go out to dinner with me?
532
00:25:19.605 –> 00:25:21.105
And I said, well, of course. So
533
00:25:22.005 –> 00:25:24.985
Laurie, So that was that, that was that.
534
00:25:25.125 –> 00:25:28.145
It was, you know, 2020 was a hard like, dating year.
535
00:25:28.145 –> 00:25:30.705
And I was feeling discouraged and fluffy
536
00:25:30.845 –> 00:25:32.425
and like blah in all the ways.
537
00:25:32.765 –> 00:25:36.145
And I was like, why are single men not asking me out?
538
00:25:36.365 –> 00:25:39.505
So I just like took the bull by the horns
539
00:25:39.505 –> 00:25:41.825
and told him he needed to ask me out to dinner.
540
00:25:42.245 –> 00:25:46.385
And, okay. So that, that is f*****g sexy. Okay.
541
00:25:46.565 –> 00:25:48.585
It just is. It doesn’t matter
542
00:25:48.805 –> 00:25:50.025
how fluffy you might have been.
543
00:25:50.255 –> 00:25:52.105
That is irresistible.
544
00:25:52.365 –> 00:25:54.585
And I never heard that story before. I love it.
545
00:25:55.215 –> 00:25:57.385
Yeah. It was irresistible to me too.
546
00:25:57.805 –> 00:26:00.585
And, uh, you know, the thing about him,
547
00:26:01.825 –> 00:26:05.265
I never had like big fireworks
548
00:26:05.405 –> 00:26:09.185
and lots of warm fuzzies and like all the major things,
549
00:26:09.325 –> 00:26:14.025
and so I kind of doubted myself, but I’ve had fireworks
550
00:26:14.085 –> 00:26:16.345
and warm fuzzies and like all the things
551
00:26:17.365 –> 00:26:19.545
and for the very wrong reasons.
552
00:26:19.755 –> 00:26:24.465
Right? So the most valuable lesson I came away from
553
00:26:24.465 –> 00:26:29.225
that is, um, there, the, the makeup of our brain,
554
00:26:29.765 –> 00:26:32.585
and you’ll know way more about this, but like, just
555
00:26:32.585 –> 00:26:36.585
because it’s familiar doesn’t mean it’s safe.
556
00:26:37.405 –> 00:26:40.145
And so I was gravitating toward relationships
557
00:26:40.145 –> 00:26:44.365
that felt familiar, um, but they weren’t safe.
558
00:26:44.705 –> 00:26:49.005
And so when he came around, I knew intellectually
559
00:26:49.005 –> 00:26:52.045
because I learned, um, from the program
560
00:26:52.675 –> 00:26:55.365
what safe looks like in relationship
561
00:26:55.505 –> 00:26:58.925
and how do I feel when I’m in this relationship with him.
562
00:26:59.705 –> 00:27:00.805
And I felt great.
563
00:27:01.065 –> 00:27:04.565
And the thought of not going on another date
564
00:27:04.565 –> 00:27:06.205
with him made me really sad.
565
00:27:06.865 –> 00:27:11.445
And so I kind of decided for myself that the fireworks
566
00:27:11.995 –> 00:27:14.455
were the wrong.
567
00:27:14.645 –> 00:27:16.535
They’re, they’re the long, wrong indication.
568
00:27:17.275 –> 00:27:21.255
And that what I really felt was like myself,
569
00:27:22.035 –> 00:27:24.175
and I could laugh and I could joke,
570
00:27:24.555 –> 00:27:28.375
and we walked side by side versus
571
00:27:28.975 –> 00:27:30.975
previous relationships where they’d always be in a hurry
572
00:27:30.995 –> 00:27:32.295
and they’d walk ahead of me,
573
00:27:32.555 –> 00:27:35.455
or I knew every time I saw him,
574
00:27:35.755 –> 00:27:38.775
he was gonna be in a good mood and he was happy to see me.
575
00:27:38.955 –> 00:27:41.455
And to this day, we’ve been together for five years.
576
00:27:42.235 –> 00:27:43.775
He never comes home moody.
577
00:27:44.115 –> 00:27:46.255
He never comes home passive aggressive.
578
00:27:47.155 –> 00:27:49.455
He is always happy to see me.
579
00:27:50.235 –> 00:27:53.055
And we do our best work on the couch.
580
00:27:53.275 –> 00:27:56.215
We have the best conversations at the end of the day.
581
00:27:56.315 –> 00:27:57.815
He has my back.
582
00:27:58.325 –> 00:28:03.075
He’s really the reason that I, um, bel
583
00:28:03.505 –> 00:28:05.515
that I have this belief in myself
584
00:28:06.025 –> 00:28:08.075
that I can run for city council.
585
00:28:08.335 –> 00:28:10.475
And it’s not that I didn’t,
586
00:28:10.495 –> 00:28:12.955
but he reinforces that like, of course you can
587
00:28:13.065 –> 00:28:15.275
what of course you can run
588
00:28:15.275 –> 00:28:16.675
Biggest champion. Yes. Yeah.
589
00:28:17.055 –> 00:28:18.515
You’ve got this. Like, I’ve got
590
00:28:18.515 –> 00:28:19.675
your back. You’ve got this.
591
00:28:20.385 –> 00:28:23.755
That is a secure man who can affirm you
592
00:28:23.935 –> 00:28:27.035
and not try to hold you back or possess you or control you
593
00:28:27.095 –> 00:28:31.235
and just wants to see you shine and is secure in himself.
594
00:28:31.305 –> 00:28:32.635
Like, I love him.
595
00:28:34.235 –> 00:28:36.995
I love you, I love him because he loves you. Yes.
596
00:28:37.535 –> 00:28:40.755
He is very secure in himself, and I can tell
597
00:28:40.755 –> 00:28:45.395
because he’s not trying to compete with me or one up me
598
00:28:45.615 –> 00:28:49.995
or one up My stories, I learned, um, from you
599
00:28:51.575 –> 00:28:54.435
to look for what I want.
600
00:28:55.435 –> 00:28:57.295
And I had to learn what that looked like.
601
00:28:57.535 –> 00:28:59.255
I had to learn what healthy looked like.
602
00:29:00.115 –> 00:29:03.015
Um, and so I learned to look for what I want
603
00:29:03.595 –> 00:29:05.815
and not look at what I don’t want.
604
00:29:05.965 –> 00:29:07.415
Like, oh, I don’t want an alcoholic.
605
00:29:07.515 –> 00:29:09.415
Oh, I don’t want an narciss. Oh, I don’t want,
606
00:29:10.175 –> 00:29:12.055
I started looking at what I want.
607
00:29:12.195 –> 00:29:15.975
And really that’s how I became so attracted
608
00:29:17.115 –> 00:29:20.455
to this person that like deeply
609
00:29:22.255 –> 00:29:26.745
just, he fills me up in so many ways
610
00:29:27.135 –> 00:29:30.025
because he is healthy and
611
00:29:30.565 –> 00:29:33.345
He sees You, you’re and so kind.
612
00:29:33.685 –> 00:29:37.185
And he, we play golf together.
613
00:29:37.645 –> 00:29:38.945
He doesn’t go run off
614
00:29:38.945 –> 00:29:41.185
and play golf, you know, on Saturday afternoon
615
00:29:41.315 –> 00:29:44.925
with just the guys and it, he wants me there
616
00:29:45.235 –> 00:29:46.765
because he enjoys my company.
617
00:29:46.905 –> 00:29:48.045
We play poker together.
618
00:29:48.745 –> 00:29:50.805
Um, we have date night every Wednesday night.
619
00:29:50.995 –> 00:29:54.165
It’s local poker at the, at the pub.
620
00:29:54.825 –> 00:29:59.765
And, um, he, he enjoy, he likes me, he enjoys my company.
621
00:30:00.065 –> 00:30:03.245
And weirdly, like there are guys out there
622
00:30:03.305 –> 00:30:05.165
who actually enjoy women’s company.
623
00:30:05.635 –> 00:30:08.285
Yeah. Well, and I know, again, it doesn’t sound all
624
00:30:08.285 –> 00:30:11.565
that revolutionary, but honestly, when you’ve had a history
625
00:30:11.585 –> 00:30:15.565
of not experiencing that in relationships, it feels
626
00:30:16.395 –> 00:30:19.165
like a foreign until it doesn’t anymore.
627
00:30:19.265 –> 00:30:22.005
And what you’re talking about is the jour using the
628
00:30:22.005 –> 00:30:24.405
journaling to reprogram yourself.
629
00:30:24.745 –> 00:30:28.565
It is this magical tool. It’s hard to explain it sometimes.
630
00:30:28.705 –> 00:30:32.685
It is a magical tool to change the way you think
631
00:30:32.785 –> 00:30:34.605
and see the world and see yourself
632
00:30:34.825 –> 00:30:39.005
and to level up your mindset and your thoughts
633
00:30:39.145 –> 00:30:41.205
and change your identity and,
634
00:30:41.465 –> 00:30:43.005
and then you get what you want.
635
00:30:43.465 –> 00:30:46.045
Mm-hmm. You, you got this person in your life
636
00:30:46.045 –> 00:30:48.525
because you became that version of Lori
637
00:30:48.625 –> 00:30:49.965
who was ready to receive that.
638
00:30:50.155 –> 00:30:52.565
Yeah. Okay. So now let’s brag on you and celebrate.
639
00:30:52.705 –> 00:30:57.285
So I just love that you went from, I don’t wanna be seen to,
640
00:30:57.505 –> 00:30:59.645
I’m stepping fully into the political arena
641
00:30:59.655 –> 00:31:01.005
where I’m gonna be scrutinized
642
00:31:02.105 –> 00:31:04.005
and really putting yourself out there.
643
00:31:04.515 –> 00:31:07.005
That is badass. It is badass.
644
00:31:07.765 –> 00:31:11.765
I, one of my affirmations to myself that I write in, in
645
00:31:11.765 –> 00:31:15.005
that da in our daily jo in, in our daily journal, now
646
00:31:15.035 –> 00:31:19.965
It’s ours, it’s ours, Um, is I am fearless, unafraid
647
00:31:19.985 –> 00:31:21.045
and t intimidated.
648
00:31:22.525 –> 00:31:24.165
I write it to myself every day.
649
00:31:24.425 –> 00:31:26.725
That’s partially hyping myself,
650
00:31:26.865 –> 00:31:30.925
but it is truly changing the way I think about
651
00:31:31.225 –> 00:31:33.125
how I respond to criticism
652
00:31:33.305 –> 00:31:34.885
and people who have different opinions
653
00:31:35.065 –> 00:31:39.165
and all of the, uh, angry people on Facebook.
654
00:31:39.445 –> 00:31:42.925
I am fearless, unafraid, and an un intimidated.
655
00:31:43.785 –> 00:31:48.445
Um, it has truly helped me step into a new identity
656
00:31:48.625 –> 00:31:52.525
of somebody who can be vulnerable, who can share my opinion.
657
00:31:53.805 –> 00:31:58.325
I would never share my opinion with people
658
00:31:58.355 –> 00:32:00.965
because what if they disagree with me, you know?
659
00:32:00.985 –> 00:32:02.965
And worse, what if they think less of me?
660
00:32:04.065 –> 00:32:08.325
And, uh, it really is a, i my mindset has changed
661
00:32:09.435 –> 00:32:12.565
like a full 180 degrees
662
00:32:13.475 –> 00:32:15.765
that it’s okay for me to have an opinion.
663
00:32:15.945 –> 00:32:17.925
In fact, it’s important for me to have an opinion
664
00:32:18.435 –> 00:32:23.005
because that’s how you get s**t done, um, on city council.
665
00:32:23.145 –> 00:32:26.565
But that’s how I get s**t done at my job and in my family.
666
00:32:27.025 –> 00:32:31.925
And people need to hear what I have to say
667
00:32:32.065 –> 00:32:34.285
so they can make a decision about whether
668
00:32:34.285 –> 00:32:36.805
or not to elect me into city council.
669
00:32:37.345 –> 00:32:39.325
Yep. And yeah, it’s out of my comfort zone,
670
00:32:39.425 –> 00:32:42.605
no doubt about it, but I’m getting there every day.
671
00:32:42.825 –> 00:32:45.605
I’m, I’m more fearless, more unafraid
672
00:32:46.425 –> 00:32:48.365
and un I’m more unin intimidated.
673
00:32:49.265 –> 00:32:50.805
Um, that makes a big difference.
674
00:32:51.225 –> 00:32:53.005
It does. Oh my God, I’m trying not to cry.
675
00:32:53.105 –> 00:32:57.045
I’m so proud of you. I can’t, I’m just so, so happy
676
00:32:57.865 –> 00:33:01.005
for you and bringing it back to the program.
677
00:33:01.595 –> 00:33:05.255
Like I just, when I was developing this,
678
00:33:05.495 –> 00:33:07.615
I don’t even think I realized how
679
00:33:08.495 –> 00:33:09.775
powerful it was going to be.
680
00:33:10.535 –> 00:33:11.695
I knew it was gonna be great,
681
00:33:12.315 –> 00:33:15.615
but look at this like, you are a shining star.
682
00:33:16.195 –> 00:33:17.935
You always were and just didn’t know it.
683
00:33:17.995 –> 00:33:19.615
But now you know it and you own it,
684
00:33:19.615 –> 00:33:22.335
and you walk around blinding everybody where you go
685
00:33:22.475 –> 00:33:25.255
and you know, a magnet for positivity.
686
00:33:25.715 –> 00:33:28.775
And I, if I were living there, I would vote
687
00:33:28.775 –> 00:33:29.935
for you 10 times over.
688
00:33:31.405 –> 00:33:33.415
Seriously. Everybody who’s in our area
689
00:33:33.465 –> 00:33:34.575
needs to vote for you.
690
00:33:34.995 –> 00:33:37.455
And you’re just, you’re just amazing.
691
00:33:37.715 –> 00:33:40.575
And I’m so happy for your fig you and your family, and,
692
00:33:41.715 –> 00:33:43.175
and I can’t wait to see what happens.
693
00:33:44.615 –> 00:33:47.575
I remember a conversation sitting in your office
694
00:33:48.155 –> 00:33:50.815
in private therapy, and you
695
00:33:51.035 –> 00:33:53.055
and I, I think we’re towards the end
696
00:33:53.275 –> 00:33:54.415
of our therapy together.
697
00:33:54.595 –> 00:33:56.775
And so we were kind of dreaming a little bit about like
698
00:33:56.775 –> 00:33:58.175
what our futures were gonna look like.
699
00:33:59.195 –> 00:34:02.375
And you said, I want to be,
700
00:34:04.015 –> 00:34:07.455
I want to be like, like Oprah, right?
701
00:34:07.455 –> 00:34:11.135
Like somebody who shares my knowledge and my wisdom,
702
00:34:11.315 –> 00:34:13.695
but on a bigger scale.
703
00:34:14.715 –> 00:34:19.495
And whenever I like listen to your podcast
704
00:34:20.155 –> 00:34:22.975
and whenever I see your work on social media,
705
00:34:23.415 –> 00:34:25.535
whenever I hear about your Ready for Love program,
706
00:34:26.655 –> 00:34:30.855
I think about the woman you knew you could be.
707
00:34:31.855 –> 00:34:33.835
And, and here you are.
708
00:34:34.495 –> 00:34:39.035
But more than that, I, I have a lot of like
709
00:34:39.715 –> 00:34:41.355
suspicion around like group think
710
00:34:41.455 –> 00:34:44.435
and like getting too involved in listening to one teacher
711
00:34:44.655 –> 00:34:45.675
or one expert.
712
00:34:46.335 –> 00:34:49.835
But your, what you provide
713
00:34:50.015 –> 00:34:53.435
and what you teach women has nothing to do with you.
714
00:34:54.415 –> 00:34:57.995
It has everything to do with what I’m capable of
715
00:34:58.615 –> 00:35:01.235
and what every woman is capable of.
716
00:35:01.415 –> 00:35:05.715
And I find myself repeating, you know, your advice, like,
717
00:35:05.715 –> 00:35:08.395
you can trust yourself, you have your own back.
718
00:35:08.895 –> 00:35:10.395
Of course what you’re doing is scary,
719
00:35:10.455 –> 00:35:14.635
but you’re gonna be okay because you’ve got your own back.
720
00:35:15.495 –> 00:35:18.985
And it’s, it is a way
721
00:35:19.525 –> 00:35:23.465
of celebrating other women to encourage them
722
00:35:23.645 –> 00:35:26.225
so they know that,
723
00:35:27.255 –> 00:35:31.425
that whatever they wanna do, whoever they wanna be, um, is,
724
00:35:31.565 –> 00:35:34.145
is up to them and they get to decide.
725
00:35:34.405 –> 00:35:38.485
And I love being part of this like, community of alumni,
726
00:35:39.505 –> 00:35:41.685
um, who all kind of speak the same language,
727
00:35:41.745 –> 00:35:44.205
but also like we get to celebrate each other.
728
00:35:44.625 –> 00:35:47.845
Yes, yes, yes. Thank you so much for saying that. Yeah.
729
00:35:48.485 –> 00:35:49.725
I, I don’t remember that,
730
00:35:49.795 –> 00:35:51.885
that ending conversation in the therapy room,
731
00:35:52.185 –> 00:35:54.245
but I have had to do my own work to get here.
732
00:35:54.805 –> 00:35:56.805
I walk the walk too every day.
733
00:35:57.065 –> 00:35:59.485
You know, I’m expanding and growing
734
00:35:59.625 –> 00:36:02.045
and checking in with my own mindset and my own blocks
735
00:36:02.045 –> 00:36:03.165
and doing my own journaling.
736
00:36:03.385 –> 00:36:06.965
And, um, so yeah, we’re in it together. And you’re right.
737
00:36:07.165 –> 00:36:10.885
I, I love when I, when I do this work with one woman,
738
00:36:10.965 –> 00:36:13.205
I know she’s gonna go and share it in her world.
739
00:36:14.305 –> 00:36:16.205
And it’s just, I love it.
740
00:36:16.505 –> 00:36:18.085
So thank you for being a part of it
741
00:36:18.225 –> 00:36:20.725
and thanks for coming on the show to share your experience.
742
00:36:20.725 –> 00:36:22.205
It takes a lot of courage to do that.
743
00:36:22.425 –> 00:36:26.245
So another notch in the belt. Yeah. So to speak.
744
00:36:26.945 –> 00:36:29.005
Thanks Lori. And, um, thank you, Lori.
745
00:36:29.065 –> 00:36:31.205
If anybody wants to find out about what you’re up to,
746
00:36:31.205 –> 00:36:33.205
where can they find you right now?
747
00:36:34.065 –> 00:36:37.205
Uh, well, if you live in the Commerce City area,
748
00:36:37.465 –> 00:36:40.765
you can go to Lori for commerce city.com.
749
00:36:40.785 –> 00:36:42.765
That’s where you’ll learn all about my platform.
750
00:36:43.585 –> 00:36:46.925
Um, but uh, on the nonprofit side,
751
00:36:47.285 –> 00:36:50.765
I am incredibly passionate about education.
752
00:36:51.705 –> 00:36:55.165
Um, you can find out about the Adams 14 Education
753
00:36:55.165 –> 00:36:59.685
foundation@adamsfourteenfoundation.org.
754
00:37:00.095 –> 00:37:01.885
Great. Thanks for sharing all of that.
755
00:37:01.885 –> 00:37:04.405
And of course, that’s all Denver metro area. It’s local.
756
00:37:04.905 –> 00:37:08.405
Mm-hmm. But we have people in the area, so why not? Okay.
757
00:37:08.425 –> 00:37:10.365
Thanks my love. I appreciate you being
758
00:37:10.365 –> 00:37:11.485
here and sharing your story.
759
00:37:12.045 –> 00:37:12.805
I appreciate you too.
