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He’s like, I, I wish I had met you 20 years
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ago, 25 years ago.
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And I was like, well, I, I wish that too.
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Um, but, but I’m not sure we were ready for each other then.
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Hey, everybody, welcome to the Ready for Love podcast.
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I’m so excited to have you here today.
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We are doing another one of our amazing Ready
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for Love graduates interviews today.
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And I love doing these
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because it really helps give me an opportunity.
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It just gives me an opportunity
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to be my real self with you guys.
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I’m not, you know, teaching.
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I’m just being who I am with my amazing clients.
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I get to share my amazing clients with you, um,
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and to lift them up and celebrate them and highlight them
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because it really is truly amazing when a woman steps up
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for herself, signs up for something like this.
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You know, not everybody is willing to a,
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invest in themselves,
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but also look at themselves
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really critically and do the work.
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So today we’re talking with Kara Judd.
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She has been with KPMG for 31 years. That is astounding.
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So in that time, she’s really proven herself as a dynamic
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and critical leader.
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Right now, she is currently the senior director
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and head of US account management and Operations.
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And also she has a huge heart.
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She sits on the board for Habitat for Humanity, Charlotte,
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and Sustained Charlotte.
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And even since 2014, she’s been actively serving
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with women’s executives
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and is a total complete like me champion
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for empowering women in leadership roles.
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So let’s welcome Ja Kara to the show. Hello.
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Thank you so much. I’m very excited to be here. Very
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Excited. Oh, well, thank you so
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much for being willing
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to share your story again.
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Like it’s not like you’re just coming on
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and talking about business.
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This is especially vulnerable when you share your personal
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life and your private life with anybody who’s listening.
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So I always really appreciate that. And we learn from story.
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You know, we hear stories and something will stick.
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And sometimes it’s just one thing that you might say that
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resonates with somebody and they click
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and it clicks and they get it.
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So, um, you know, our listeners are blessed
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to get to have you here today.
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So what we’re gonna start off with is, um,
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if you could just please tell everybody
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where you were at in your love life,
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what you were struggling with, what was going on
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that was not working for you when you reached out?
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Okay. So, um,
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’cause it’s been three plus years ago, um, I was
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very successful in business.
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I had, um, a, um, a child who was in high school.
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I was ready to kind of get back out into being
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seen, um, but really didn’t know how to do that.
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Um, I really didn’t date a lot in
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high school and in college.
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And, um, I’m a, I’m a tall girl.
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It’s because I’m tall, I’m intimidating, I’m this, I’m
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that gave kind of all these excuses
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for why I didn’t get asked out.
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Um, and so I just really just started seeing, okay,
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what options are there?
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And so I took your introductory call
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and um, or I guess it was your introductory program, right?
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And every one of your points just hit home for exactly
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who I was, how I operated, et cetera.
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And so of course I was like, okay, that’s me
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so she can help fix me.
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I, i clearly, it’s something with me, right?
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Um, and so I, I think,
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I think it’s so, so funny, Kara.
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’cause you’re like, I’m a tall, I’m really tall.
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And that’s the reason I don’t get asked out.
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And the funny thing is like, I’m really, I’m five foot one.
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And so maybe it’s ’cause I’m so short
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that I don’t get asked out.
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Like we all say the dumbest s**t to ourselves exactly.
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About why we’re not lovable,
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or why we’re not attractive or what’s wrong with us.
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And, you know, like what I wouldn’t give
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to have two more inches on my thighs, you know?
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So it’s just so funny when women say
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things like that, not funny.
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It’s painful when we do that to ourselves,
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but it’s so ridiculous, funny.
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Like it’s a f*****g lie, basically. Completely,
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Completely. And it was
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lies that I told myself.
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And then going through the program, and I know we’ll talk a
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little bit more, but these were lies that I told myself,
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you know, to to to, to understand, right?
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To understand why I wasn’t getting asked out, right?
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Why, why men weren’t gravitating towards me.
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My friends would say, well, you, you’re the whole package.
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You’re the whole package. And I’m like, well,
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I think I’m the whole package too.
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But it wasn’t, at that point in time,
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it really wasn’t translating.
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And I think I, you know, I had been, I was in a marriage
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for about nine years, divorced when my daughter was younger.
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Um, I then went a couple years of, you know,
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Hey, I’m just gonna step back.
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I was introduced to another gentleman.
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We dated for seven years.
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And so then fast forward we broke up,
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and then I got, uh, into kind of a little bit
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of a dating pool and trying to navigate that
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and was very insecure about it.
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Just scared, frankly scared.
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And so that’s, that’s what precipitated me contacting and,
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and seeing, you know, your program online
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and getting in contact with you.
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Yeah, I mean, it’s crazy how women, I, I think
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that we don’t, the general public might see a woman who’s an
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executive in a powerhouse and has the designer bags
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or the lifestyle or a nice car and the clothes
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and all these things, and a great title and a great paycheck
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and, and not think for one second what might be going on
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behind closed doors, right?
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Like inside of yourself, nobody would suspect
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that you would be insecure.
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But this is of course the ready for love niche, super niche
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that we really work with women who have this kind of
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strange disconnect between how accomplished you are
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and successful you are on the outside
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and what things might look like.
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And yet at the same time,
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we’re all just this little girl on the
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inside who’s still wounded and has baggage and fears
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and insecurities.
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Those things don’t go away unless we actually work at it.
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You can, you can’t like, succeed your way out of that. Yeah.
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Agree. Okay. So you, so you found us online.
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You found the webinar, you did the webinar,
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then you did the breakthrough call and you signed up.
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Can you remember like a moment
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where something clicked for you in the program?
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Or was there a specific tool
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or takeaway that really shifted something for you?
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Well, I will start first in the call, the, the,
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the initial call with you.
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And I was kind of relaying where I was
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and I think I was whirling in different things.
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And you, you really said, you know, this is solvable.
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You don’t have to live like this.
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You don’t have to put up with this.
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And so I do remember, you know, that was a very pivotal,
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pivotal for me because I was reduced to tears
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and you were just like, you sh this is, this is,
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this shouldn’t be a part of this.
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Right? So that was the first pivotal point, um, I think
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as I went through the program, um,
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and, you know, you have to put the work in.
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So, uh, and you know, I was the first person, right?
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Oh, I’m busy with meetings, I’m busy with this.
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And so finally I was like, I’ve really, I, I’ve,
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I’ve made a commitment to this.
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I’m making a commitment to myself,
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and I really had to work the program.
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And part of that work in the program, um, was,
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you know, attending the calls.
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I, I got a huge amount
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of benefit from hearing other stories, right?
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Because a lot of times we’ve got a lot of similar,
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similar characteristics.
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But I do think a portion of the time was in the journaling
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and walking through the activities
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to help peel back the onion of really where
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my probably insecurities, if I’m honest, lie.
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Um, and, and I can, you know,
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I don’t, I can expand upon that.
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I mean, there was, and, and it’s just some little
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random things, right?
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Um, that, you know, people said to me
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probably in my teenage years,
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and I do recall you saying, right, you know,
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you can hear things, you can feel things,
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and in your mind you tell yourself that over and over.
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And so what was a lie becomes then a truth.
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And that was very pivotal for me, right?
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And so I had to go back, figure out those lies
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that I was telling myself, whether it was too tall,
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whether there were specific conversations,
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that there was two specific conversations, one that I had
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with someone that was, um, I didn’t even know.
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And they had said something to me that then impacted,
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you know, how I showed, showed up, you know?
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Um, another was my, was my father.
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And, you know, I have always been, um, uh,
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very talkative, very challenging.
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You know, we would, we, they used to use the term bossy.
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We don’t use bossy, we use driven now.
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Um, but, you know, he, he relayed right in the heat of,
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I’m sure you know me, challenging
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and arguing with him with that.
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Um, you know, how are you gonna find somebody
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that’s gonna put up with that, right?
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And so, again, that’s deep in my subconscious.
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So I had to work through that,
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and I worked through that via the journaling.
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I worked through that on the calls.
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I worked through that with, you know,
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with the one-on-one counseling.
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And it wasn’t quick, right?
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You, you can’t really solve it quickly.
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I mean, I think at least I was working on this four
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to six months, and it was, you know, only when I kind
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of opened up
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that portion opened up bigger portions of the program.
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It’s things started to shift.
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You’re starting to satisfy that inner child, you’re starting
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to show up differently and it, it, it just takes time.
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And, and it, it took me whatever.
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And I guess that would’ve been 50 some
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years to get there, right?
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So clearly, you know, six months is a drop in the bucket
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to help me move forward.
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Yeah. Well, you just said a lot of amazing things and,
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and I’m gonna go back just for the listener’s sake,
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because one of the things that we do
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so well is the reprogramming.
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So critical key moments in our development, we experience
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microtraumas as I call them.
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Like, were you, did you end up in the hospital? No.
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Did anybody beat you in that moment? No.
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But those words of somebody that you seek approval from,
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that you, that you love,
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that you want adoration from your dad, this figure,
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and for anybody listening,
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there are many people in our lives
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like that when we’re little.
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And he says to you, without thinking
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of the long-term impact it may have on you,
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who’s gonna put up with you if you’re,
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if you’re bossy, right?
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Or you’re a know-it-all or whatever,
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and it goes into your subconscious and it, there, it sits
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and it grows and it festers.
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And what, and what our beliefs are,
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are nothing more than sentences
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or statements that we have told ourselves so many times
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that we come to believe it.
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So there’s a lot of s**t in our subconscious
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that isn’t true, and a lot of things that don’t make sense.
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But if they’re unexamined and unexplored
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and not challenged, they are actually these things inside
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of our subconscious in charge of everything.
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All of that stuff is at the wheel,
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whether we realize it or not.
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And that’s why it’s so important really
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for everybody to do this work.
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Not just for relationships, but for everything.
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And sometimes on my Facebook ads or my Instagram ads,
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or on my comment on my, all my social media,
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I get women saying things like, blame the women.
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Why don’t you just blame the women?
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Men are the ones that need to do the work and blah, blah.
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I’m like, well, yeah, we all need to do this for ourselves.
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It’s not about he, she or whatever.
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It’s if we wanna really achieve our, our fullest potential
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and be the best version of ourselves possible,
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and have our own hands at the wheel so
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that we are self-determining and self-defining
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and self-led, this work has to be done for all of us,
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no matter how successful we are.
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And, and, and I, so that’s why I love our, you
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and all of my clients so much
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because despite how successful you are, you’re still willing
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to look at, look within
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and see what things are holding you back.
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So, and our program is 12 weeks, eight
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or 12 weeks, depending on which version you sign up for.
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But you really continued to do the work.
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You stayed committed and it took you
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like six months, you’re saying?
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Yes, I think, yes. I, yes.
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And I’ll say, you know, initially, was I willing
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to look at it and determine that it was myself?
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No, of course. I wanted somebody else to tell me
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that here’s the, here’s the magic bullet,
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here’s why you’re not dating.
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Right? And, and that was where it was, you know,
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it was interesting then when you,
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when when you know the program’s, like it’s you
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and you’re like, wait a second, this,
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that’s not what I wanted to hear.
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Right? Right. I wanted some other magic bullet.
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But, but then when you, you know,
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but then it does make sense, right?
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And then when you work the program
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and you go through the program, and then you can kind
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of lay some things to bed.
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And again, thank goodness, you know, I’ve, I’ve talked
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to my daughter a lot about, you know,
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portions of this program.
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I’ve talked to friends because gosh knows I would like
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for them to heal wounds way earlier, right?
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I mean, thank goodness I had it,
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you know, in my fifties, right?
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And, and, and I didn’t carry this throughout my whole life.
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Um, so I, I, I encourage everyone to, to work on,
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and gosh knows, I still have many things to work on as well.
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So it’s not all
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Yeah, but you’re right. Women often
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say, where were you 20 years ago?
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I’m like, but you probably weren’t ready for it by then.
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You know, like, we have to really be ready
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to accept that we are the problem.
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And again, that’s where I get a lot of blow back too,
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is blame the women.
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But honestly, it is the most
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life changing thing when we can just be willing
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to ask ourselves, how am I creating this?
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How am I contributing?
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And it’s like, somebody said that
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to me when I was like 25 years old,
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and I was at first put off by it, of course,
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thinking I, I didn’t do anything wrong.
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But that question has stuck with me.
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And is it, I don’t even know who it was at the time anymore,
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but like, it planted this seed for me
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that has become a foundational part
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of the program is like, it starts with you.
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It always does. We can all get
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what we want when we’re willing to see
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how we’re getting in our own way.
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And yeah, it sucks to, like
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it’s the bitter pill, magic pill, right?
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00:14:02.265 –> 00:14:04.025
It’s a bitter pill that it’s used. It’s a pill.
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It’s the magic pill. Pill. Yeah.
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So really peeling back the layers, reprogramming some
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of those deep, deep subconscious beliefs and,
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and identity mo forming moments for you.
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So tell us where you’re at now. Sure.
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I am in, um, what is going on almost a three year, um,
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committed relationship, um, with, um, a with a great guy.
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And so I just, you know, met him.
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And, and I’d wanna say,
347
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’cause I talked earlier about being
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nervous about dating, right?
349
00:14:33.705 –> 00:14:34.785
I really hadn’t dated a lot.
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The program helped me, you know, learn
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to go on dates, right?
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Go on dates, just have fun, meet a lot of people,
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set up the, set up your profile, right?
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00:14:43.385 –> 00:14:45.225
I had not set up my profile on different things.
355
00:14:45.325 –> 00:14:46.945
So, um, it’s interesting
356
00:14:46.945 –> 00:14:49.505
because I was meeting, let’s say, more of the guys
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that I was dating casually unmatched.
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He was the only one that ended up
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translating through Bumble.
360
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Like nobody was coming through my bumble.
361
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And then all of a sudden, at one point, you know,
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again, it’s the universe.
363
00:15:00.985 –> 00:15:03.715
It’s, you know, God, it’s whoever like that you want
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to believe put him in my life.
365
00:15:05.975 –> 00:15:10.155
And, um, and so it’s been, it’s been a very fun ride.
366
00:15:10.695 –> 00:15:13.235
Uh, it has not all been smooth, right?
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00:15:13.655 –> 00:15:17.875
Um, he, he is, um, uh, financially, you know,
368
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more successful than I am.
369
00:15:19.495 –> 00:15:21.075
And, and, which I love, right?
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Because I had usually been the more successful
371
00:15:22.955 –> 00:15:24.075
one in these other relationships.
372
00:15:24.425 –> 00:15:27.235
He’s not intimidated, you know, I think I even said, we,
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00:15:27.335 –> 00:15:29.475
we just talked about a lot of things and he’s, and,
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00:15:29.535 –> 00:15:32.035
and I said, well, most guys are intimidated by me.
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00:15:32.055 –> 00:15:33.595
And he just laughed. And, and,
376
00:15:33.695 –> 00:15:35.835
and it was, it was, it was lovely, right?
377
00:15:35.835 –> 00:15:38.235
He laughs and he is like, well, I’m not intimidated by you.
378
00:15:38.245 –> 00:15:42.475
Right? And, and, um, yay. Yes. So it was very fun. Very fun.
379
00:15:42.615 –> 00:15:44.395
And, and we have a lot in common.
380
00:15:44.855 –> 00:15:47.435
Um, now has it all been easy? It has not.
381
00:15:47.485 –> 00:15:49.515
There have been bumps. He’s got stuff.
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00:15:49.655 –> 00:15:52.235
He was, he was more out of a, a, a divorce
383
00:15:52.495 –> 00:15:54.035
or more recently out of a divorce.
384
00:15:54.615 –> 00:15:57.715
And he’s had to work through things, um, as well.
385
00:15:58.295 –> 00:16:00.515
Um, I have tried to encourage him, you know,
386
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to, to get counseling.
387
00:16:01.755 –> 00:16:04.915
I wish, you know, you did handle the men portion of it.
388
00:16:05.175 –> 00:16:08.435
And, and so we, we have had a lot of discussions.
389
00:16:08.435 –> 00:16:11.995
We communicate a lot more communication than I’ve probably
390
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ever had in, in probably all my relationships combined.
391
00:16:14.715 –> 00:16:16.915
If I, if I’m honest, that’s great.
392
00:16:17.055 –> 00:16:19.195
But it’s being, yeah, talk to
393
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Things. I mean, this is realistic.
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00:16:20.195 –> 00:16:21.795
This is realistic.
395
00:16:22.175 –> 00:16:23.555
And what I love,
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00:16:23.625 –> 00:16:26.875
what you’re saying is this is different in many ways than
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your past experiences.
398
00:16:28.735 –> 00:16:31.235
In the past, you were dating down, you were dating men
399
00:16:31.235 –> 00:16:33.595
who were not your equal, they were intimidated by you.
400
00:16:33.595 –> 00:16:34.755
It caused all kinds of trouble.
401
00:16:35.085 –> 00:16:38.195
Maybe how you were showing up wasn’t fully expressed,
402
00:16:38.405 –> 00:16:41.195
especially if you think you’re intimidating or you’re tall
403
00:16:41.415 –> 00:16:43.795
or whatever, you might make yourself smaller
404
00:16:44.175 –> 00:16:45.715
and that never works, right?
405
00:16:45.735 –> 00:16:48.675
So he’s a different kind of person than you’ve been
406
00:16:48.675 –> 00:16:50.795
with in the past, and you’re showing up differently.
407
00:16:51.015 –> 00:16:53.315
It sounds like there’s space for you to actually
408
00:16:54.095 –> 00:16:56.155
be your full self in this relationship.
409
00:16:56.175 –> 00:16:57.715
And I always say, it’s not up to anybody else,
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whether you get to be yourself, only you can decide that.
411
00:17:01.535 –> 00:17:04.715
But if you felt like you were, you had that belief
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00:17:04.715 –> 00:17:06.595
that you’re intimidating, you would bite your tongue.
413
00:17:07.255 –> 00:17:10.995
So the reality is, relationships take work.
414
00:17:11.225 –> 00:17:12.835
It’s, it’s a lot of work. It’s joyful work,
415
00:17:12.945 –> 00:17:14.355
it’s hard work, it’s growth work.
416
00:17:14.425 –> 00:17:17.235
It’s stretching you. It’s taking you to your,
417
00:17:17.615 –> 00:17:19.075
to your next level always.
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00:17:20.295 –> 00:17:23.675
But the women of who have graduated our program,
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00:17:23.975 –> 00:17:27.515
who are in successful long-term relationships use their
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00:17:27.515 –> 00:17:31.435
skills and tools that they learned in this program forever
421
00:17:31.945 –> 00:17:32.955
into the relationship.
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00:17:32.955 –> 00:17:34.115
Agree, agree, agree completely.
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00:17:34.235 –> 00:17:36.115
’cause there’s tools that I learned some of the times I have
424
00:17:36.115 –> 00:17:39.075
to go back and watch, um, some of the,
425
00:17:39.495 –> 00:17:40.755
or listen to some of the videos.
426
00:17:41.455 –> 00:17:43.315
Um, I go back to some of my notes.
427
00:17:43.715 –> 00:17:46.195
I mean, again, like I talk about, it’s not, you know,
428
00:17:46.195 –> 00:17:48.235
that we’ve had multiple bumps and different things and,
429
00:17:48.255 –> 00:17:51.125
and it, the last bump that happened probably four
430
00:17:51.125 –> 00:17:53.805
or five months ago, I just didn’t,
431
00:17:54.025 –> 00:17:55.925
and it was a multitude of things going on at work.
432
00:17:55.925 –> 00:17:58.285
Things the way I was showing up and, and, and,
433
00:17:58.305 –> 00:18:00.125
and our relationship was handled, you know?
434
00:18:00.125 –> 00:18:02.085
And I was like, I need to take a step back.
435
00:18:02.285 –> 00:18:03.845
I need to take a step back from everything.
436
00:18:04.005 –> 00:18:06.605
I am not in a great place. And how am I showing up?
437
00:18:07.425 –> 00:18:11.045
And it was interesting that, you know, it, it,
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it made him rethink some things.
439
00:18:13.025 –> 00:18:14.965
And ’cause I was actually willing to re
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to take a step back from the relationship.
441
00:18:16.925 –> 00:18:18.605
I said, this, this is critical to me.
442
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I’m not, this is not how it’s gonna work for me.
443
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And so, you know, to his credit,
444
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and, you know, other men would’ve
445
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probably just gone running off.
446
00:18:27.385 –> 00:18:29.645
He came back and said, no, I, I wanna talk through this.
447
00:18:29.765 –> 00:18:30.925
I wanna continue to talk through this.
448
00:18:31.225 –> 00:18:33.245
And so now we are back at a, you know,
449
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even 10 times better place, right?
450
00:18:35.265 –> 00:18:38.205
And so that’s, I know, and, and, and I,
451
00:18:38.205 –> 00:18:40.325
and I, this is where at different points in time,
452
00:18:40.365 –> 00:18:42.005
I would’ve probably been scared, right?
453
00:18:42.825 –> 00:18:44.765
Not going through this program, I would’ve been scared
454
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that I would’ve lost and scared.
455
00:18:46.265 –> 00:18:48.285
I’m like, you know what? I am my own self.
456
00:18:48.545 –> 00:18:52.165
I’m hap I, I go on, I go on vacations by myself, right?
457
00:18:52.705 –> 00:18:55.525
You know? And so it’s, you have to be willing
458
00:18:55.585 –> 00:18:57.885
to step back from it if it’s not, if it’s not right
459
00:18:57.905 –> 00:18:59.005
and it’s not serving you,
460
00:18:59.345 –> 00:19:00.725
or if it’s not serving, you know,
461
00:19:00.795 –> 00:19:02.165
what you’re looking for in the future.
462
00:19:02.585 –> 00:19:05.325
You have to be, you know, you have to be willing
463
00:19:05.985 –> 00:19:07.685
to, to do that, right?
464
00:19:07.825 –> 00:19:09.445
And so that’s where it was.
465
00:19:09.865 –> 00:19:11.165
Um, you know, it did,
466
00:19:11.245 –> 00:19:13.045
I I think he then reevaluated some
467
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things and was like, wait, wait, wait.
468
00:19:14.145 –> 00:19:16.045
No, no, no. And, and that, you know,
469
00:19:16.045 –> 00:19:17.045
Yeah, I love this even more.
470
00:19:17.345 –> 00:19:18.885
If you’re telling me that it’s a perfect
471
00:19:18.985 –> 00:19:20.165
and there’s been no bumps,
472
00:19:20.165 –> 00:19:21.805
then I’m like, well, that’s coming.
473
00:19:22.465 –> 00:19:23.685
Go have a fight on purpose.
474
00:19:24.245 –> 00:19:26.725
I would literally tell you, go, go pick a fight so you can,
475
00:19:26.755 –> 00:19:29.885
because my whole philosophy is conflict brings you
476
00:19:29.885 –> 00:19:30.885
to deeper connection.
477
00:19:31.545 –> 00:19:34.645
And what most women will say to me is,
478
00:19:34.755 –> 00:19:36.365
I’ve never had a man fight for me,
479
00:19:36.905 –> 00:19:39.485
or just really be my ride or die.
480
00:19:39.745 –> 00:19:43.645
And what you’re saying is he fought for you. Yes.
481
00:19:43.865 –> 00:19:44.885
And, and that,
482
00:19:45.225 –> 00:19:47.525
and being willing to have the difficult conversations
483
00:19:47.545 –> 00:19:50.805
and being willing to sit through the discomfort of all of
484
00:19:50.805 –> 00:19:53.525
that brought you to a whole new level of,
485
00:19:53.585 –> 00:19:54.845
of intimacy and connection.
486
00:19:55.385 –> 00:19:59.565
You can’t get there without the challenges.
487
00:20:00.105 –> 00:20:02.565
You can’t. That’s why I’m like, go have a fight.
488
00:20:03.005 –> 00:20:05.885
If you haven’t had one yet, go have a fight. Exactly.
489
00:20:05.885 –> 00:20:08.205
Because you don’t know what you’re capable of together,
490
00:20:08.425 –> 00:20:09.885
and you don’t know what each of you are capable
491
00:20:09.985 –> 00:20:11.405
of until you do that.
492
00:20:11.625 –> 00:20:13.125
And life will throw different things at you.
493
00:20:13.165 –> 00:20:15.405
I mean, you know, he was more recently out
494
00:20:15.405 –> 00:20:19.005
of a divorce then, you know, his mom, um, was sick
495
00:20:19.305 –> 00:20:21.965
and she ended up passing last fall.
496
00:20:22.185 –> 00:20:24.925
And so there was all these different, you know, you know,
497
00:20:25.115 –> 00:20:26.125
reasons, right?
498
00:20:26.145 –> 00:20:29.765
And I kept then as a, a previous people pleaser, right?
499
00:20:29.825 –> 00:20:31.885
And, and, and get, and extending more reasons
500
00:20:32.025 –> 00:20:34.725
and giving more, you know, leeway in different things.
501
00:20:34.725 –> 00:20:35.765
And then I just got to a point
502
00:20:35.845 –> 00:20:37.045
where I was like, I can’t do this.
503
00:20:37.165 –> 00:20:39.365
I, you know, he had stepped back a couple of times.
504
00:20:39.565 –> 00:20:41.885
I think he had gotten scared at different points in time,
505
00:20:41.905 –> 00:20:43.485
and he was, you know, needed to step back.
506
00:20:43.485 –> 00:20:44.685
And then, then it was my time
507
00:20:44.705 –> 00:20:46.645
and I was like, I gotta step back.
508
00:20:46.715 –> 00:20:49.525
I’ve gotta step back. And it was, it was,
509
00:20:49.905 –> 00:20:51.805
he is the only man that has fought for me.
510
00:20:52.155 –> 00:20:53.965
I’ll, yeah. I, I had not looked at it that way.
511
00:20:54.425 –> 00:20:56.325
Um, I think I intuitively knew that,
512
00:20:56.585 –> 00:20:58.765
but you know, he would not let me go.
513
00:20:59.105 –> 00:21:00.605
Um, and, and I was willing to go.
514
00:21:00.605 –> 00:21:02.205
That’s because you are showing up.
515
00:21:02.785 –> 00:21:06.965
You are the most authentic, transparent, you,
516
00:21:07.025 –> 00:21:09.085
you’re worth fighting for all of you.
517
00:21:09.185 –> 00:21:11.285
We are all worth fighting for when you hold back,
518
00:21:11.305 –> 00:21:14.205
you don’t give anybody an opportunity to give them something
519
00:21:14.205 –> 00:21:16.605
to grab onto when you filter yourself
520
00:21:16.665 –> 00:21:18.245
and only share the best parts of you
521
00:21:18.245 –> 00:21:20.765
and the curated parts that you only want them to see.
522
00:21:20.785 –> 00:21:23.525
And you, you alter or edit yourself or shift
523
00:21:23.605 –> 00:21:27.485
and shapeshift into somebody you think that they want you
524
00:21:27.485 –> 00:21:29.725
to be and don’t give them a reason to leave.
525
00:21:30.685 –> 00:21:33.825
You’re creating the very rejection you’re trying to avoid.
526
00:21:34.115 –> 00:21:36.945
Right? But what I love the most about this whole thing,
527
00:21:37.175 –> 00:21:39.865
Kara, is, is the biggest takeaway
528
00:21:39.865 –> 00:21:40.945
that women get out of our program.
529
00:21:41.175 –> 00:21:42.265
It’s why we exist.
530
00:21:42.485 –> 00:21:44.625
And it is that you have this relationship with you
531
00:21:44.625 –> 00:21:48.505
that you are never going to ever betray ever again.
532
00:21:49.125 –> 00:21:51.825
And, and being willing to walk away from something
533
00:21:51.825 –> 00:21:56.625
that isn’t right for you is, is what I want for all women.
534
00:21:57.045 –> 00:21:58.945
And you know that you got your own back
535
00:21:59.325 –> 00:22:01.385
and you know you’re gonna be okay no matter what.
536
00:22:01.925 –> 00:22:03.545
Yes. And being willing to do that,
537
00:22:03.685 –> 00:22:05.785
you often end up getting the thing that you want,
538
00:22:06.685 –> 00:22:10.905
but you being willing to lose that so that you can get
539
00:22:10.905 –> 00:22:12.425
what you really need more than anything,
540
00:22:12.555 –> 00:22:14.745
which is you, is the true gift.
541
00:22:16.305 –> 00:22:17.415
Agree. Completely. So proud
542
00:22:17.415 –> 00:22:18.495
Of you for that. Completely.
543
00:22:18.675 –> 00:22:20.255
Yes. Well, and it was interesting, right?
544
00:22:20.255 –> 00:22:22.455
Because when I did that and, and then I step back
545
00:22:22.455 –> 00:22:23.855
and go, gosh, why didn’t I do it sooner?
546
00:22:23.955 –> 00:22:26.055
But clearly the timing was supposed
547
00:22:26.055 –> 00:22:27.455
to be a ti you know, how the timing worked.
548
00:22:27.515 –> 00:22:28.895
But, you know, he’s come back and,
549
00:22:28.895 –> 00:22:31.455
and showing up in ways like more affectionate, you know,
550
00:22:31.475 –> 00:22:33.375
all this kind of things that again,
551
00:22:33.605 –> 00:22:34.975
were what I really wanted.
552
00:22:35.635 –> 00:22:39.695
Um, but it just kind of took me being finally, you know,
553
00:22:39.695 –> 00:22:41.255
saying, I’m gonna, this is what I need.
554
00:22:41.325 –> 00:22:43.215
This is what I need. I’ve given a lot, you know,
555
00:22:43.215 –> 00:22:46.695
some excuses, um, but this is what I need. And everything
556
00:22:46.695 –> 00:22:48.575
Is, well, here’s a soundbite, you know, from the program,
557
00:22:49.115 –> 00:22:52.095
ask for what you need and you’re likely to receive.
558
00:22:52.475 –> 00:22:55.935
Yes. I mean, it’s like, not that that like, it’s kind
559
00:22:55.935 –> 00:22:59.735
of crazy that women don’t ask for what they need, but,
560
00:22:59.735 –> 00:23:03.055
and it’s like revelation here, but hello. Right,
561
00:23:03.265 –> 00:23:04.265
Right. Ask for what
562
00:23:04.265 –> 00:23:05.775
you need and you’re,
563
00:23:05.775 –> 00:23:07.055
you’re likely to receive it.
564
00:23:08.285 –> 00:23:09.455
Exactly. Exactly.
565
00:23:09.675 –> 00:23:11.935
But I do, and I look back on, you know, us talking
566
00:23:11.935 –> 00:23:13.375
through like the attachment types
567
00:23:13.555 –> 00:23:15.335
and all these kind of different things and,
568
00:23:15.555 –> 00:23:18.215
and I don’t try to play, you know, counselor to, you know,
569
00:23:18.215 –> 00:23:20.935
some of my friends or even to some of his friends, right.
570
00:23:20.935 –> 00:23:21.935
Where they’re going through,
571
00:23:21.935 –> 00:23:24.415
because I do think there’s something about people
572
00:23:24.435 –> 00:23:25.575
in their fifties, right?
573
00:23:25.595 –> 00:23:27.655
And, and all the stuff starts coming up, right?
574
00:23:27.655 –> 00:23:28.975
Everything starts coming up.
575
00:23:29.075 –> 00:23:31.855
But being able to start being true to yourself, um,
576
00:23:31.995 –> 00:23:34.195
you know, would’ve loved to have it earlier,
577
00:23:34.695 –> 00:23:35.875
but glad we have it now.
578
00:23:35.895 –> 00:23:38.675
And, and, and really try to just help showcase it.
579
00:23:38.675 –> 00:23:41.115
I showcase it to, you know, my daughter, to my friends.
580
00:23:41.695 –> 00:23:43.355
Um, because it’s, it’s critical.
581
00:23:43.455 –> 00:23:47.005
And it’s, you would think we would learn these things in
582
00:23:47.005 –> 00:23:49.765
school from our parents. We don’t. We
583
00:23:49.765 –> 00:23:50.765
Don’t. No, we don’t. That’s
584
00:23:50.765 –> 00:23:51.405
why I’m here.
585
00:23:51.745 –> 00:23:54.805
So what I love, like if we look back on our conversation,
586
00:23:55.025 –> 00:23:57.405
the things that you have, what
587
00:23:57.435 –> 00:23:59.605
that we’ve covered have been everything from
588
00:24:00.125 –> 00:24:01.965
changing inner core beliefs
589
00:24:02.105 –> 00:24:04.805
and dealing with Microtraumas all the way
590
00:24:04.805 –> 00:24:08.445
to your dating profile and how to date online.
591
00:24:08.705 –> 00:24:09.765
And hello everybody.
592
00:24:09.995 –> 00:24:12.845
This is a online app dating app, love match.
593
00:24:13.665 –> 00:24:16.285
So if you think the app suck, I’m telling you, a lot
594
00:24:16.285 –> 00:24:18.245
of our clients find their people online.
595
00:24:18.345 –> 00:24:21.045
It does exist, and it does work when you know how to use it
596
00:24:21.905 –> 00:24:24.445
all the way to navigating difficult conversations
597
00:24:24.475 –> 00:24:26.365
with somebody that you’re in a relationship with
598
00:24:26.385 –> 00:24:29.205
and holding your space and not losing yourself.
599
00:24:29.915 –> 00:24:33.085
Like, that’s what ready for love is. It’s all of it. It is.
600
00:24:33.235 –> 00:24:35.525
Like, I just love what I do. I love, I love that.
601
00:24:35.665 –> 00:24:37.445
And thank you so much
602
00:24:37.465 –> 00:24:39.725
for sharing all of this with everybody.
603
00:24:40.275 –> 00:24:41.445
What are we celebrating?
604
00:24:41.795 –> 00:24:44.525
What major cool things are going on in your life right now?
605
00:24:44.525 –> 00:24:47.485
What are you up to? You know, tell us.
606
00:24:47.945 –> 00:24:51.805
Yes. So, um, well, uh, we’ve got all
607
00:24:51.805 –> 00:24:53.965
of our kids in college, so we’re traveling
608
00:24:53.965 –> 00:24:56.405
and we’re having fun, and we’re, you know, between work
609
00:24:57.345 –> 00:25:00.085
and, um, and, and travel.
610
00:25:00.585 –> 00:25:02.365
Um, it is a very full life, right?
611
00:25:02.585 –> 00:25:05.405
And it’s just, it is, it’s nice to have the time
612
00:25:05.405 –> 00:25:06.405
with just the two of us.
613
00:25:06.665 –> 00:25:08.885
And, um, he lives, uh,
614
00:25:09.025 –> 00:25:11.445
he lives about four hours away from me in this fa in
615
00:25:11.445 –> 00:25:12.565
this fabulous little town.
616
00:25:12.985 –> 00:25:16.405
Um, so we get to, you know, enjoy the big city life, um,
617
00:25:16.405 –> 00:25:20.325
with me, um, the smaller city life with him, with tons
618
00:25:20.325 –> 00:25:22.205
of his friends, but just traveling.
619
00:25:22.205 –> 00:25:24.925
We were out on the Oregon coast for two weeks, um,
620
00:25:25.115 –> 00:25:26.205
back in September.
621
00:25:26.695 –> 00:25:28.925
We’ve got a lot of other trips planned.
622
00:25:29.025 –> 00:25:30.605
So it’s just, it’s having fun.
623
00:25:30.675 –> 00:25:32.245
It’s like this season of life, right?
624
00:25:32.245 –> 00:25:34.685
Where, you know, we’ve, we’ve, we’ve, we’ve,
625
00:25:34.695 –> 00:25:37.525
we’ve channeled our children, we’ve gotten ’em into college
626
00:25:37.625 –> 00:25:40.165
and grad programs, they’re all happy, you know,
627
00:25:40.345 –> 00:25:41.565
and, and now it’s our turn.
628
00:25:41.565 –> 00:25:43.165
It’s time. It’s, yeah, it’s our turn now.
629
00:25:43.385 –> 00:25:45.365
And it is interesting ’cause we have these conversations.
630
00:25:45.475 –> 00:25:48.405
He’s like, I, I wish I had met you 20 years
631
00:25:48.405 –> 00:25:49.485
ago, 25 years ago.
632
00:25:49.485 –> 00:25:51.045
And I was like, well, I, I wish that too.
633
00:25:51.865 –> 00:25:52.925
Um, but,
634
00:25:53.145 –> 00:25:56.685
but I’m not sure we were ready for each other then. So
635
00:25:56.965 –> 00:25:57.965
I believe that a hundred percent.
636
00:25:58.685 –> 00:25:59.965
I love getting, I love like
637
00:25:59.965 –> 00:26:02.205
that we share again for the listeners.
638
00:26:02.425 –> 00:26:05.005
We text each other and message each other about the newest
639
00:26:05.155 –> 00:26:07.525
five star fabulous resorts that we’re,
640
00:26:07.775 –> 00:26:09.685
check this one out, check this one out.
641
00:26:09.685 –> 00:26:10.725
Here’s where you need to go next.
642
00:26:11.865 –> 00:26:13.645
So you guys have quite the lifestyle
643
00:26:13.885 –> 00:26:15.125
together, and I’m so happy.
644
00:26:16.025 –> 00:26:19.485
And, you know, again, like highlighting that like in ready
645
00:26:19.505 –> 00:26:21.085
for love, we celebrate breakups.
646
00:26:21.785 –> 00:26:25.485
You know, that sounds maybe weird for a love coaching kind
647
00:26:25.485 –> 00:26:29.565
of company, but when women are not willing to settle
648
00:26:29.825 –> 00:26:33.045
for something, the old, you might have stayed and settled
649
00:26:33.185 –> 00:26:34.805
and made it work and put up with stuff,
650
00:26:35.345 –> 00:26:37.005
but the new you does not.
651
00:26:37.305 –> 00:26:39.765
And that is a win to walk away even
652
00:26:39.765 –> 00:26:42.205
after six months, six years with something
653
00:26:42.235 –> 00:26:45.245
that no longer is the thing, the right thing for you
654
00:26:45.985 –> 00:26:48.805
is a win when you look back on who you used to be
655
00:26:48.825 –> 00:26:50.845
and what you might’ve put up with and settled for.
656
00:26:51.625 –> 00:26:54.165
So, you know, I I just love that.
657
00:26:54.625 –> 00:26:56.445
Um, all right, Madea. Well, I
658
00:26:56.445 –> 00:26:57.805
Do wanna say, well, I’m gonna still say,
659
00:26:58.105 –> 00:27:00.165
you all had me write down my wishlist.
660
00:27:00.505 –> 00:27:04.085
So what is, what is the perfect, you know, partner for you?
661
00:27:04.155 –> 00:27:05.365
What do you want in this partner?
662
00:27:05.905 –> 00:27:07.925
And I had, uh, you know, I I,
663
00:27:08.045 –> 00:27:09.525
I looked at it a lot when I was in the program.
664
00:27:10.105 –> 00:27:12.365
Um, and I just recently found the list again,
665
00:27:12.505 –> 00:27:15.245
and he checked off like every single box.
666
00:27:15.265 –> 00:27:17.525
And so even writing that, those things down,
667
00:27:17.555 –> 00:27:21.685
even when you’re on the dating sites, being ruthless, right?
668
00:27:21.825 –> 00:27:23.005
You don’t have time to waste.
669
00:27:23.065 –> 00:27:24.325
And I know that was through a lot
670
00:27:24.325 –> 00:27:25.845
of the coaching that you all had, right?
671
00:27:26.105 –> 00:27:27.565
You’ve gotta be ruthless with it
672
00:27:27.705 –> 00:27:28.965
and, and you have to believe.
673
00:27:29.105 –> 00:27:31.645
And so you have to go into it and, and believe and,
674
00:27:31.645 –> 00:27:32.805
and put that aura out.
675
00:27:33.165 –> 00:27:35.965
I do think I probably had a closed, very closed aura.
676
00:27:35.965 –> 00:27:38.005
And so trying to be open and, and,
677
00:27:38.105 –> 00:27:39.485
and being willing to share
678
00:27:39.505 –> 00:27:43.165
and share myself, um, that that was some other factors
679
00:27:43.225 –> 00:27:45.365
of the program that, that I’ve reflected upon
680
00:27:45.365 –> 00:27:47.125
that were, that were pretty pivotal. So
681
00:27:47.275 –> 00:27:49.245
Yeah, it’s, it’s not just the list on paper.
682
00:27:49.355 –> 00:27:51.165
It’s actually recognizing it in real life
683
00:27:51.305 –> 00:27:52.685
that’s different, right?
684
00:27:52.745 –> 00:27:57.045
The map is, is not always the same as the actual terrain.
685
00:27:57.865 –> 00:28:01.405
And you know, so, so you can have your list of must haves
686
00:28:01.405 –> 00:28:03.325
and requirements and deal breakers and all of that,
687
00:28:03.505 –> 00:28:04.965
but when he’s standing in front of you,
688
00:28:04.985 –> 00:28:06.685
do you recognize, is this it?
689
00:28:07.145 –> 00:28:09.205
And not ignoring the red and the yellow flags
690
00:28:09.265 –> 00:28:11.005
and really trusting your intuition
691
00:28:11.005 –> 00:28:13.125
and all of that is a big part of it.
692
00:28:13.865 –> 00:28:15.365
And I love that you went back
693
00:28:15.565 –> 00:28:18.295
and looked at your list and there it
694
00:28:18.295 –> 00:28:19.375
is. Like everything there,
695
00:28:20.005 –> 00:28:20.655
It’s there. It’s,
696
00:28:20.915 –> 00:28:24.655
We, we do the, the woowoo kind of part of the program
697
00:28:25.195 –> 00:28:28.255
that’s really connected to the laws of the universe
698
00:28:28.275 –> 00:28:30.255
and the law of attraction and the love of vibration.
699
00:28:30.275 –> 00:28:33.615
And, um, the energy piece is huge
700
00:28:34.005 –> 00:28:36.375
because you attracted this person.
701
00:28:36.955 –> 00:28:40.135
You were attracting the lower quality men before
702
00:28:40.285 –> 00:28:42.415
because that’s where you were kind
703
00:28:42.415 –> 00:28:44.095
of revving your frequency.
704
00:28:44.725 –> 00:28:46.975
When you up your frequency, you attract people
705
00:28:46.995 –> 00:28:48.655
who have a higher frequency as well.
706
00:28:49.035 –> 00:28:51.215
And it starts with you. And you did that for yourself first.
707
00:28:51.595 –> 00:28:53.415
And, and here he comes knocking.
708
00:28:54.085 –> 00:28:55.455
Here he comes, there he was, yeah.
709
00:28:55.455 –> 00:28:56.615
Yeah. Outta the blue. So
710
00:28:56.645 –> 00:28:57.645
Yeah. Love it.
711
00:28:57.645 –> 00:28:59.135
Well, thank you so much
712
00:28:59.315 –> 00:29:01.015
for sharing your story with everybody.
713
00:29:01.475 –> 00:29:04.215
And um, I can’t wait to see what, where it goes
714
00:29:04.355 –> 00:29:05.615
and invite me to the wedding.
715
00:29:06.435 –> 00:29:06.815
I’m coming.
