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Let’s talk about the whole men are
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intimidated by me thing.
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It’s a narrative that high achieving women
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have accepted as true.
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Well, and that’s probably
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because you hear it all the time from your closest friends
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and confidants, and you tell yourself this.
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And so now it’s become the number one reason
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or excuse for why you are having trouble finding love.
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But I am not gonna let you get away with believing this
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because it is simply not true.
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And holding onto it will only keep you stuck.
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So whether you’re single or in a relationship,
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this is an important conversation
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because I’m gonna set the record straight
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and help you understand what is really going on
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for women when the stories that men are intimidated by me.
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Hey, welcome back, and if you’re new here,
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I’m Hillary Silver, former therapist turned master, coach
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of 25 years, and founder of Ready For Love,
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the longest running and most successful relationship
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coaching program in the world for high achieving women,
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women who have everything but love
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and women who’ve tried everything and nothing has worked.
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We help smart, successful women like you finally get
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everything that you want in love
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and in life too by turning your attention inward.
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Because getting everything
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that you want always starts with you.
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And by the way, this isn’t about changing
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yourself to get the guy.
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It’s about becoming so grounded and self-led
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and emotionally whole that you decide what
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and who gets to be in your life.
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If that sounds like your vibe, then make sure to subscribe
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and then you can go watch my free masterclass on the proven
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four step Ready for Love method at Ready
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for Love inc.com/masterclass.
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I’ll put the link in the description below.
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Okay, so mainstream chatter
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and conventional advice will say, well,
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if a man is intimidated by you, then he’s weaker and secure.
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It’s his problem. You go, girl, you keep being a badass.
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You do you. And at first, maybe you dismissed it.
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That can’t be true. I’m not intimidating,
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I’m so open and loving.
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And then maybe the thought settled in
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and you accepted this version of the story
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and you took the bait and began to tell yourself, yeah,
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that is their problem.
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Maybe even taking pride in it
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because duh, look at all you’ve accomplished.
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You’re a catch. But here’s the first
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thing I want you to know.
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This is a story you are telling yourself
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to make yourself feel better
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because maybe you feel rejected.
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Maybe you’re not getting asked out,
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maybe you’re not getting picked.
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Maybe you’re getting passed over, you’re out with friends
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and you look amazing and put together,
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but no one approaches you.
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Or you go on a great first date,
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but then you don’t get a second.
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So it’s a sore spot
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and it hurts, especially when you know in your rational mind
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that you are amazing and you are a big softie
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and you have a lot of love to give.
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So this men are intimidated by me, just softens the blow
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that maybe there is something going on with you,
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but it’s not what you think.
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And the answer is definitely not to dumb yourself down
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or make yourself smaller
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to make someone else more comfortable.
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Women have literally asked me, should I go get a simple car
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that I can use to drive to dates?
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Should I lie about my job?
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Should I pretend I don’t make good money?
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Should I not wear designer clothes? What should I do?
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I don’t wanna pretend that I’m not successful,
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I just wanna be who I am.
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And of course, that is exactly what I want you to do.
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Be who you are. But here’s the next thing I want you
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to know, and the bottom line up front here,
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if one man says he’s intimidated by you, fine.
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Maybe he is weak and insecure.
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But when you get the same feedback from more than one man
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or from more than one person in your life,
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and if you also happen to hear it in other areas
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of your life, not just your love life, it is a pattern.
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And that means you are the common denominator.
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So here is what is really going on
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with this whole intimidating thing.
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Remember when we were little and there was
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that cute little commercial?
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How many licks does it take to get
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to the center of the Tootsie Roll?
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Tootsie Pop. That’s you my dear.
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You are a Tootsie Pop hard candy shell on the outside,
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sweetness on the inside.
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Or imagine a sea urchin prickly on the outside,
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even though you’re nothing but goo on the inside.
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So you say you want to love and be loved,
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but it’s really scary
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and there is a lot
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to fear letting someone close when you don’t love
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and value yourself enough.
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So this is you hiding behind your resume,
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your accomplishments and your success
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and achievements, all the things that you’re proud of,
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creating for yourself, the things
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that make you feel good enough or worthy or smart enough.
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You’re hiding the lingering deep down wounded parts of you
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that still don’t feel good enough just as you are the parts
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of you that are soft
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and the parts of you that want to be chosen, the parts
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that’s afraid of rejection or being too much or not enough.
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Because without all of the trophies on your mantle
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or the certificates on the wall
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or the letters behind your name
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or the dollars in the bank, you’re nothing
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but a little girl who wants so desperately to be loved.
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And for high achievers, all the success represents a part
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of your life where you feel good about yourself
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and where you feel significant and smart and intelligent
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and capable and competent.
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So you’re not just hiding behind all of this,
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you’re leading with it.
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And the blind spot here is that you come off fierce, aloof,
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unapproachable and guarded.
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And this is an energy and a vibe for sure.
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So it’s not that men are intimidated by you, it’s
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that they feel this wall
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or this front that you’re putting up,
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and it’s off-putting, not intimidating.
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So here’s the thing, you can be a badass all day long,
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gorgeous, educated, successful, wealthy, all the things,
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and still be down to earth, relatable, open, approachable,
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but the work is in integrating all the parts of you.
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Ready for love specializes in high achieving women,
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hyper achieving women, overachieving women.
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Our coaching program is for the most elite
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and extraordinary women on the planet, like neurosurgeons
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and aerospace, engineers
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and founders of multi-billion dollar global companies.
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These are women who would be intimidating.
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And to top it off, most
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of them are totally self-made coming from nothing in terms
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of family money or support,
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and even sometimes a lot of trauma too.
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So they are truly remarkable and impressive women.
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They learn how to have all of that be their story,
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and also be free and fearless
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and open to letting love in, to being seen
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and receiving the love that they want, getting the love
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and anything that you want in your life
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always starts with you.
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We are all always the biggest problem in our own lives when
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we are stuck not getting something that we want.
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And that is the best thing that I can tell you,
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because if you are the problem,
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then you are also the solution.
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If you’re willing to look within, you can have anything
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that you want, it just starts with you.
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So thanks for being here
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and listening to my tough love today.
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If you are getting this feedback that you are intimidating
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to men or men are intimidated by you,
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I really just encourage you to look within
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and how are you hiding behind your
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accomplishments and achievements?
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What is it that you’re putting out there?
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Because I promise you,
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it’s less about them being intimidated by you
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and more about them being put off by you,
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and you have to be willing to show up, letting the love in,
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letting the attention in, letting your wall down
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to be seen the way that you truly wanna be
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seen in this life.
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So again, thanks for being here.
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Make sure to subscribe and please share this with any woman
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who needs to hear what I’m saying.
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And if you’re ready to get out of your own way
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and let love in, apply to speak with my team at ReadyforLoveinc.com/apply
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See you next time.
