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Here’s something most people don’t realize.
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Everything that you are willing to put up
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with is a reflection of how you see yourself.
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Broken thing that you’ve been meaning to fix,
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but never do the person who drains you,
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but you keep answering their calls.
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The life you’ve built that looks good on paper
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but doesn’t actually feel good to live.
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You’re not just tolerating these things.
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You’re telling yourself
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and the world that this is who you are and what you deserve.
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If you want your life to be even just a little bit better,
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you have to stop accepting what brings you down.
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And today I’m showing you just how to do that.
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Most of us don’t even realize
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how much we are settling in our daily lives.
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We adapt, we adjust.
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We get used to things that once bothered us
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until we stop noticing them altogether.
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But here’s what happens over time.
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And when you do that, your tolerance
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for mediocrity becomes your new normal.
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That new normal shapes everything.
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Your mental health, your energy, your sense
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of what’s possible for you.
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When I was in my mid forties, I was building this business
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and I had a goal, create a multimillion dollar coaching
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company and be the CEO and founder of something significant.
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But I knew I couldn’t get there as the version
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of me I was at the time.
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I had to become a next level version of myself.
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I had to become her first.
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And that woman doesn’t settle for less.
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That woman lives a very different life
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than the one that I’ve been living.
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And one of the most powerful things I did
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to transform my identity is this.
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I stopped tolerating things that didn’t match
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who I was becoming.
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And every time I upgraded something in my environment,
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every time I said no to something that was part
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of the old me and my old life,
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but that couldn’t be part of my new life if I was ever
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to create it, I sent a signal to myself,
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I’m worth more than this.
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I’m done accepting less. That’s the old version of me.
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And that shift changed everything.
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So today I’m walking you through four areas
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where you’re tolerating and settling
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and don’t even realize it so you can level up.
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So the first area
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that we’re gonna talk about are is your immediate
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environment, the things around you.
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Let’s start with your physical space, the environment
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where you live and work every single day.
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I want you to look around right now, what’s broken,
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what’s outdated,
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what makes you cringe a little Every time you see it
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or use it, maybe it’s the lamp that flickers, the drawer
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that sticks, the towels that aren’t actually absorbent.
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The kitchen knife that doesn’t cut anymore.
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The throw pillows that you don’t love anymore.
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Maybe it’s bigger things, expensive furniture
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that you ordered online,
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but that was never really comfortable.
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Wall paint that didn’t turn out as you expected.
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Carpet that has seen better days.
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Here’s what happens with these things.
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You notice it at first and you think, I should fix that.
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I should deal with that. But you don’t.
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Life gets busy and then you see it again and again
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and it becomes background noise.
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It’s just another thing that you’ve gotten used
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to dealing with and living with.
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But every time you interact with it,
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every time you force the sticky drawer
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or grab that dull knife, you are having a tiny moment
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of aggravation and frustration and annoyance.
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It’s a little hit to your nervous system.
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It’s like getting poked.
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Not hard enough to make you scream, just enough
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to irritate you over and over and over.
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It’s like a paper cut so tiny and seemingly insignificant,
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but actually really stingy and painful.
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So here’s why this matters.
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These aren’t just inconveniences. They’re messages.
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Every time that you use something
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that doesn’t work properly, every time you look at something
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that makes you feel less than great,
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you’re reinforcing a belief, this is fine.
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This is good enough for me. I don’t have time for myself.
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When you operate from that place surrounded by things
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that are just fine, you start showing up with someone
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who accepts fine in other areas too.
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But when you upgrade your environment
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and when you fix the things that bother you,
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when you take the time to care for yourself in these small
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but very influential ways, you feel better
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and you start showing up differently.
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Those small things make a big difference.
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After I had this conversation with a friend about
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what we tolerate, she told me that she went home immediately
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and upgraded her drinkware.
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She bought herself these lovely little juice glasses
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intended just for juice
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and a juicer so she could enjoy fresh juice every morning.
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Not because she needed it, but
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because she decided she was worth drinking out
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of something beautiful, a little life upgrade,
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just a little bit of luxury,
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and that she’s worth starting her day with something
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that makes her feel good.
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That’s the shift. You don’t have
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to overhaul your entire life in one weekend.
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Just start small.
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Fix the one thing that’s been bothering you the most.
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Replace the one item that brings you the most frustration
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or makes you cringe
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and notice how different you feel when you’re no longer
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tolerating these things.
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They do actually make a big difference.
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So the next area that we’re gonna talk about
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is your daily routine.
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All the things that you do in a day, the tasks,
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the routines, the obligations that fill your time.
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What are you doing that you actually resent?
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What makes you feel tired?
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Just thinking about it, what do you dread?
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Maybe it’s the commute you hate, the meetings
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that could be emails, the household tasks
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that somehow always fall
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to you even though you didn’t sign up
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to be the only one doing them.
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Here’s what I realized when I was building my business.
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I was spending hours every week doing things that a version
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of me making millions of dollars shouldn’t
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and wouldn’t be doing.
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So I asked myself,
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what would the multimillion dollar CEO version
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of me delegate?
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What would she outsource?
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What would she stop doing altogether?
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And I started making changes.
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There are better ways to spend my time.
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So I hired someone to handle our laundry.
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Not all of it, because I do want my kids
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to still learn responsibility and have chores,
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but all the household linens,
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that somehow always became my job done no longer mine to do.
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I experimented with different solutions
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for the nightly dinner grind that had turned something
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that I used to love into something that I dread.
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Because when you have to do something every single night
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for years, it kind of just stops being enjoyable.
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It really became such a burden for me.
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And I’m not saying that you need
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to hire help for everything.
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I’m just saying that you need
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to get honest about what’s draining you and address it.
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What things can you delegate at work and at home?
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And what things can you hire out?
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The things you really just dread doing should
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be the first on your list.
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So here’s what to do for the next week. Pay attention.
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Notice what makes you feel resentful. What makes you grumpy?
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What makes you think, Ugh, I hate this.
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Why am I always the one doing this?
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And then ask yourself, what could I do differently?
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Could someone else do this?
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Could I eliminate this thing entirely?
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Could I change the way I’m approaching this? Get creative.
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Get resourceful because your time and energy are finite.
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Every hour that you spend on something
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that drains you is an hour
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that you’re not spending on something that lights you up.
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It’s an hour you can never get back.
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So stop living a life with tasks and chores
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or routines that you’re tolerating and lighten your load.
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People say time is money,
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but you can always make more money.
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You can never, ever get your time back.
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Time is your most valuable resource. So value it.
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Okay, the third area, this one hits different
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because it’s not about your environment
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or your schedule, it’s about you.
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What are you living with about yourself that bothers you?
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What makes you feel self-conscious?
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What causes you discomfort or pain? Maybe it’s physical.
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Maybe it’s the weight that’s been slowly creeping up
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or the injury that you say that you’ll deal with
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but never do and have just gotten used to feeling the pain.
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It’s the dental work you’ve been putting off the wardrobe
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that doesn’t fit who you are anymore.
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Maybe it’s internal, the anxiety
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that you’ve been normalizing, the people pleasing.
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You can’t seem to stop the way you shrink yourself in
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certain situations
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or the perfectionism
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that is slowly eating away at your soul.
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Here’s what I know. If something about yourself is bothering
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you and it’s fixable, you owe it to yourself to fix it.
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As John Gottman says, solve the solvable problems.
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I dealt with misaligned teeth my entire life, even
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after braces as a teenager, my bite was still off,
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but I just lived with it.
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I really didn’t think that there was another way
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until I started being on camera constantly
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and I had to look at myself all the time,
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and I just couldn’t ignore it anymore.
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So I got Invisalign during COVID,
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and it didn’t just change my smile,
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it actually changed my entire life.
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I cannot believe I had waited so long.
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I couldn’t believe I just accepted
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and tolerated something that bothered me for decades.
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It is just really crazy what we can get used to.
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So here’s the thing, and you know this, life is too short
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to be uncomfortable in your own skin and in your own body
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and in your own life.
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If something is weighing on you, deal with it.
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Invest in yourself
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because you’re the one person you are guaranteed
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to spend every single day with for the rest of your life.
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That is not vanity, that is self-respect.
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And even if it is vanity, who cares?
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You’ll wonder why you put it off for so long.
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Stop telling yourself you’ll deal with it later.
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Later becomes never. Don’t put yourself off my friends.
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Deal with it now. An investment in yourself is the best
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investment you will ever make.
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You’ll be so happy that you did.
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The fourth area are relationships
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and situations that you are staying in.
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And this is the big one,
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because this category has the most profound
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impact on your life.
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What relationships are you staying in
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that don’t actually serve you?
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What situations are you tolerating that drain your energy
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or make you feel uncomfortable?
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So examples would be friendships that are one-sided,
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family dynamics that are toxic, romantic relationships
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that leave you feeling lonely even when you’re together,
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or jobs that pay the bills, but kill your soul.
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When I turned 50, I did something that felt kind of radical.
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I stopped initiating.
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I had always been the planner, the organizer,
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the outreach person doing all the inviting with my friends.
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And I realized I wasn’t feeling valued.
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Something was missing for me. I wanted to be invited to.
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So I stopped carrying the torch.
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I stopped putting energy
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and effort into people
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who weren’t giving it back in some way.
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Not like a scorekeeping, tit, fortt kind of thing.
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But in a flow of reciprocity.
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I stopped doing all the outreach and the organizing
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and the inviting just to see what would happen.
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And to be honest, my world went a little quiet.
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And at first I was a little disoriented and upset.
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And then I grieved the loss of that a little bit.
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But then after the fog cleared, I realized it was the loss
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of something that wasn’t even there to begin with.
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And what was left was what was actually most important.
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Those who love and value me the most remained.
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And it allowed me to spend my time with the value
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quality over quantity.
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And it cleared the path for new, fresh connections
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to come into my life with people who show up for me.
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It was so hard. But I am so happy that I did that
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because what has remained is true.
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And I will take quiet and true over filler noise any day.
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Letting go of relationships that weren’t mutual
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has been life changing for me.
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So here’s what I want you to understand.
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Most people think being secure means having a big circle,
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lots of friends, constant support and validation.
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But the most secure woman doesn’t need anyone
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to remind who is.
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She doesn’t look for proof. She doesn’t wait for validation.
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She already knows her worth,
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and that’s what makes her complete.
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So one of the most secure women
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that you’ll ever meet is the one with the smallest circle.
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She’s comfortable with her own company
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and she knows who she is,
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and she’s already given herself the approval
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and validation most people spend their lives searching for.
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So she doesn’t need others to prop her up
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and rally behind her.
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And she doesn’t fill her calendar to avoid being alone.
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Her friendships and relationships are intentional,
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not a sign of popularity.
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And she doesn’t tolerate drama or fake connections
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because she doesn’t need to feel good enough.
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Her peace comes from validating herself, knowing exactly
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who she is and doing what’s best for her,
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even if it’s unpopular.
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Powerful. Women don’t need to be liked
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and they don’t need proof that they are worthy
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and they don’t seek external validation.
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So if your circle is small, don’t mistake it for lack.
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It could actually mean you are just deeply
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secure in yourself.
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And the same applies to romantic relationships.
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My ready for love clients are wildly successful women.
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They’ve built incredible careers and have great lives,
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but they keep ending up in relationships
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that disappoint them.
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The men who don’t meet them and who breadcrumb them
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and who make them feel like they’re asking
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for too much when they’re asking for just the bare minimum,
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and they stay because they’ve gotten used to it
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because they don’t want to start over
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’cause they’re afraid of being alone.
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But here’s what I tell them, you’re not avoiding loneliness
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by staying in a relationship that makes you feel lonely.
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You’re just tolerating a different,
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more painful kind of a loan though.
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Stop tolerating
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and settling for partners
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who don’t actually partner with you.
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Stop accepting careers that drain you just
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because it’s comfortable and it pays you well.
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Stop keeping people in your life
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who don’t genuinely want the best for you.
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When you don’t hold yourself in high regard,
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you tolerate people in situations
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that reflect that back to you.
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When you know your worth, you protect your energy
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and your peace and you become incredibly selective about
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who gets access to you.
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That is not being selfish, it’s being discerning.
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So you’re going to do this tolerating exercise once
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and clear out a lot of clutter in your life.
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You’re going to make changes and set boundaries
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and let things go and replace things.
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And that can be very fun.
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But this isn’t just a one-time thing,
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it’s an ongoing practice.
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Check in with yourself regularly
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and ask yourself, what am I tolerating
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that I wasn’t six months ago?
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What have I gotten used to
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that’s actually actually bringing me down?
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Because as you grow your tolerance
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for certain things shrink, you continue to level up and
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and shed the things
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that no longer serve you in so many ways.
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What you accepted a year ago should not be acceptable now.
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That’s growth and evolution.
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And it’s really just becoming the woman
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who has the life you want.
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You’re next, leveling yourself all the time.
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I elevated my identity by refusing to settle
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and to stop tolerating.
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And by addressing the things that were dragging me down
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and making major moves to do it.
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We all fold our own laundry until maybe one day we don’t.
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And we all keep that toxic person in our life
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until one day maybe we don’t.
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And we all settle for less than we deserve
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until one day we realize we’re worth more.
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So have a close look at your life right now, your space,
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your routines, yourself and your relationships.
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And ask yourself, what am I tolerating?
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What have I gotten so used to that?
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I don’t even notice it anymore? See it.
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And pick one thing, one small thing, and fix it.
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Replace it and let it go.
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Notice how different you feel when you’re no longer settling
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in that one area and then do it again and again, and again.
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Thanks for being here.
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If this resonated with you, please share it with someone
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who needs to hear it, and I’d love it if you would
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rate and review this episode.
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It helps other people find us.
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And let me know what you’re gonna stop tolerating.
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I’ll see you next time.
