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When you look back on your love life,
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do you feel like you’ve settled for less than you desire
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or deserve in a partner or in a relationship?
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Maybe he wasn’t your intellectual equal,
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but you overlooked it because he was kind
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and he treated you well.
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Maybe he wasn’t your spiritual equal,
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but you had fun together
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and he was good looking,
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even though it lacked the emotional depth
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and connection that you craved.
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Maybe he wasn’t your financial equal, but he was sexy
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and exciting, but then you ended up paying for everything.
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Or maybe you’re in a relationship right now
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where you have a lot of things in common
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and you function really well as co-parents,
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but your emotional or physical connection is lacking.
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You’re just not attracted to him physically,
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but he’s a great, solid, reliable guy.
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Sound familiar? Today we’re talking about why this happens
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and how to stop settling so you can actually get
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what you want in 2026, not just in love,
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but in every area of your life.
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Because here’s the truth, you can’t get
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what you want if you keep accepting what you don’t.
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So let’s be real about what settling actually looks like.
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It’s dating the guy who checks some of your boxes,
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but not the ones that actually matter to you.
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It’s staying in a relationship where your roommates instead
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of true partners, it’s convincing yourself
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that no one’s perfect while ignoring the fact
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that you’re not even happy.
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It’s lowering your standards
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because you’re afraid this is as good as it gets.
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And here’s what happens when you settle, you wake up next
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to someone and you feel alone.
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You have great conversations
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with everyone except the person you’re
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supposed to be closest to.
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You go through the motions of a relationship,
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but feel empty inside.
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You tell yourself it’s fine.
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You focus on the good parts, you make excuses,
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but deep down, you know you’re not getting what you want
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and you’re frustrated, resentful even.
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And the worst part, it’s not even his fault.
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He didn’t promise you something that he’s not delivering.
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You chose him knowing he wasn’t really what you wanted
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and you talked yourself into it.
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And so now you’re both stuck in a relationship
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where he can never make you happy no matter what he does,
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because he was never the right fit to begin with.
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That’s what settling does.
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It’s a setup for both of you to be disappointed and hurt
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and frustrated and resentful.
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But here’s what I need you to hear,
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and this might sting a little.
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The reason that you end up with the wrong men is
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because you actively choose to settle for them.
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It’s always been your choice to pursue
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and settle for the wrong men.
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So here are five reasons you could be settling,
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and it really is probably a combination of all five.
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First, it’s a self-worth it issue
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despite being amazing in so many ways.
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You don’t feel pretty enough or smart enough
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or interesting enough or fun enough or something enough.
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Maybe you were the girl
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who didn’t get the guys in high school
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and that identity stuck with you.
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Maybe you were always the friend, never the girlfriend.
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Maybe you were a little chubby growing up
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and that impacted how you see yourself as a desirable woman.
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Maybe you were nerdy or shy or awkward.
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And even though you’re a grown woman now, successful,
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accomplished, and put together,
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that old identity is still running the show.
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I have clients who are neurosurgeons
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and aerospace engineers who think they are too boring
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or not interesting enough, a veterinarian
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who thought she wasn’t.
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Funny enough, I’ve listened as the most dynamic,
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impressive women have told me they don’t feel good
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enough for the good guys.
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And I know it sounds ridiculous, but it’s true.
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When you don’t feel like you’re enough,
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you don’t believe you deserve the kind
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of partner you actually want.
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So you settle for whoever shows interest.
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You are just grateful someone picked you.
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Alternatively, maybe you think you are too much.
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You settle for somebody who will put up with you
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or who accepts you the way you are.
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That is a self-worth issue.
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Second, you have a scarcity mindset it sounds like.
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Well, he has a lot of the things I do like no one’s perfect.
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This might be as good as it gets for me.
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Better take this one in case someone
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better doesn’t come along.
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And I know that none of this is really conscious.
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It’s usually deeply embedded in your subconscious,
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but it’s fear-based thinking.
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It’s operating from a place of lack rather than abundance.
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And when you show up in your love life from this place
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of scarcity, you’re setting yourself up
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for the disappointment and frustration every single day
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of your life with this person
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because you’ll always wonder what you’re missing.
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You’ll always feel like something’s off.
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You’ll always be looking over your shoulder,
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wondering if you should have held out for more.
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And he’ll feel it too.
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He’ll sense that he’s not quite enough for you,
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that no matter what he does,
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he can never make you truly happy.
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It’s awful for both of you.
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Third, you repeat patterns from
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what you experienced growing up
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because that’s normal for you.
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This is just the way it is for me.
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I guess this is the way relationships work.
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So maybe you watched your mom stay in a very transactional
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relationship or an abusive one
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or with a partner who did the bare minimum
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or one who cheated and wasn’t loyal.
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And somewhere deep down you learned this is just
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what relationships look like.
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This is what I should expect. This is my lot in life.
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So you settle for a partner who doesn’t meet your needs
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because you don’t even believe your needs are valid.
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You don’t even know what your needs are.
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You settle for someone who doesn’t value you
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because you watched someone you love.
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Be devalued your whole childhood.
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You settle because settling is familiar. It’s safe.
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It’s what you know forth.
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You being passive, letting him pick you instead
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of doing the picking yourself.
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You’re interested in him only
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because he’s interested in you.
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But here’s the problem, you don’t even know what you want.
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You have no real criteria for him.
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You don’t have a sense of your ideal man criteria.
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And sometimes that’s
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because you don’t even know who you are, even at 42, 52
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or 62, if you haven’t taken the time
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to get clear on your values, your non-negotiables,
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what actually matters to you in a partner
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and in a relationship.
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So when someone shows interest, you think,
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well, he seems nice.
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Let’s see where this goes.
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But that’s not choosing, that’s accepting,
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that’s being chosen instead of choosing.
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And when you operate this way, you end up
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with whoever happens to come along, not with
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who you actually want.
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You’re taking what you’re getting rather than
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getting what you want.
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Or here’s another version of this.
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You’re picking someone now who has the one thing
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that was missing in your last relationship,
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and that seems like a smart thing to do.
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But really what that means is
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that you’re picking on one criteria rather than a whole host
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of other things that also matter.
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I once had a client who was a widow
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and her husband was a really good man
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and they had a nice loving relationship.
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But what she came to learn was that she had picked him
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because he was safe and he was treating her well
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after she had been in an abusive relationship
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and their marriage was lacking so much passion,
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she wouldn’t have left him.
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But here she was getting another
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chance to do it differently.
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And what she realized and what she learned was
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that picking her next relationship simply based on the one
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thing that was missing in her marriage for so long,
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would definitely not be a wise choice.
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And it would still be settling
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because you can have safety and sexy.
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Fifth, you hate being alone.
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So you settle because you like the idea of a man
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or a relationship rather than seeing him
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or the relationship for what it actually really is.
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You like the idea of not being single, the idea
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of having someone.
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So you see what you want to see.
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You overlook the things that you don’t want see just
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to make it fit.
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You talk yourself into it.
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Basically, this is self-deception.
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You’re not seeing who he actually is.
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You are projecting who you need him to be
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so you don’t have to be alone.
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Maybe you’re a hopeless romantic
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and you romanticize the connection.
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Maybe you’re easygoing and laid back
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and you like everyone,
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so you convince yourself this is fine.
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And all of this, the self-worth issues,
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the scarcity mindset,
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the conditioning from your past being passive
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or afraid of being alone keeps you stuck in a cycle
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of accepting less than you actually want.
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But here’s the thing, and this is
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what’s going to set you free.
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You are the one doing this to yourself.
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You are the one choosing this, not him.
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It’s not the dating pool, and it is not your circumstances.
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It’s you. You are the one swiping right on the men you’re
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not actually excited about.
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You are the one going on dates with men when you know
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that they’re not the right one for you.
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You are the one staying in relationships
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that don’t fulfill you.
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You are the one talking yourself into good enough when you
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really know it’s not what you want.
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And I know that’s really hard to hear,
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especially if you’ve been blaming all the men
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that you’ve been with for not being enough
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or you’re blaming the apps or blaming your age
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or where you live or your past.
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But if you’ve been following me for a while, you know
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what I’m about to say next,
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which is this is the best news ever.
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Because if you are the problem, then you are the solution.
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You have the power to stop settling right now,
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right here today in this very moment.
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You don’t need to wait for the right man to show up.
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You don’t need to fix the dating pool.
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You don’t need to become a different person.
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You just need to decide, I am done settling.
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I’m done accepting less than I want.
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I’m done tolerating what doesn’t work for me.
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And when you make that decision, when you really commit
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to it, everything changes.
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So I’m gonna give you seven ways to stop settling
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and actually start getting what you really want first,
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get crystal clear on what you actually want.
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Not what you think you should want
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and not what your friends want for you
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and not what they want for themselves
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and not what looks good on paper.
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What do you want?
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And I don’t just mean the surface stuff like tall,
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successful, good looking.
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I mean, how do you want to feel in this relationship?
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What kind of connection do you want?
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What values need to be aligned?
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What kind of partnership are you building?
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If you don’t know what you want, you’ll accept anything.
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So get clear, write it down and own it.
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Sometimes we have women who come into ready for love
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and they don’t think that they’re a fit for our program
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because they’re not looking for marriage or monogamy.
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But I tell everybody, you can have what you want.
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You can have a long-term partner
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where you share two separate residences
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for the rest of your lives.
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You can have polyamory, you can have whatever it is
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that you want, but you need to get clear what it is
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that you want or you will settle.
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Second, stop making excuses for red flags.
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He’s just going through a tough time right now.
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He’s just not great at communication,
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but he’s trying has a lot on his plate.
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He has a lot of potential. So just stop all of that.
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If it’s not working for you right now, it’s not going
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to magically work later.
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Do not date potential.
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Do not date the version of him you hope he will become date
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who he is right now.
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And if who he is right now isn’t what you want, move on.
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He’s not ready for you.
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Third, raise your standards and don’t apologize for them.
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Having standards doesn’t make you too picky
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or difficult or too much.
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It makes you self-respecting and abundance oriented.
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Choosing on one criteria isn’t enough as we said.
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And if someone doesn’t meet those standards, be willing
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to wait for what you want.
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You’re not starving, so don’t eat crumbs.
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Fourth, stop settling in other areas of your life too,
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because here’s the thing, how you do one thing is
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how you do most things.
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If you’re settling in your career or your friendships
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or in how you treat your body
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and how you spend your time, you’re training yourself
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to accept less everywhere across the board
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to start practicing not settling everywhere.
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It’s an identity shift.
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It’s becoming the woman who doesn’t tolerate
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what doesn’t serve her.
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Fifth, build an unshakeable relationship with yourself.
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This is the foundation of everything.
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When you deeply love and value yourself, you don’t settle.
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You can’t because it simply goes against who you are.
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So do the inner work. Heal the old wounds.
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Challenge the limiting beliefs and build self-trust.
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Get to a place where you know beyond a shadow of a doubt
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that you are worthy of everything you desire.
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And when you know you are worth, you just don’t settle.
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Period. Sixth, be willing to walk away.
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This is the hardest one for most women
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because walking away means being alone
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and being alone can be scary or starting all over again.
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Just sucks. Just thinking about it is
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dreadful for so many women.
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But here’s the truth. Being alone is better than
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being with the wrong person.
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Being alone is temporary. Settling can be a life sentence.
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So practice walking away from bad dates,
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from lukewarm connections, from relationships
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that aren’t serving you, not just with men,
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but in your friendships too.
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At ready for Love. We celebrate breakups
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because the old you would’ve stayed and made it work
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and settled, but the new you doesn’t,
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every time you walk away from what’s not right,
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you create space for what is.
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And finally, trust that what you want exists.
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This is about mindset, about belief, about faith.
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If you don’t believe the kind of love
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that you want is possible for you,
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you won’t allow yourself to have it.
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If you don’t believe there are any good men left out there,
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you won’t be the woman who attracts the good ones
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because they do exist
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and they are looking for the same thing that you are.
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And I know this because my clients are meeting them.
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You will sabotage it.
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You will settle before you even give it a chance.
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So shift your belief.
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Decide that what you want is not only
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possible, it is inevitable.
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And then show up like the woman who’s already living
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that reality, because that’s the energy that attracts it.
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So here’s my challenge to you.
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As we head into 2026, stop settling.
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Stop accepting less than you want.
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Stop talking yourself into men
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and relationships that don’t fulfill you,
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that you know aren’t right.
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Make 2026 the year you stop settling
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and start receiving everything
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that you’ve been wanting all along.
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Because the only thing standing between you
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and the love that you want is your willingness
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to stop accepting what you don’t.
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Thanks for being here, and I’ll see you next time.
