If you’ve been told to “just be more feminine” to attract a high-quality man—this episode is your permission slip to roll your eyes and delete that advice forever.
In this episode, Hilary unpacks the real meaning of feminine energy for strong, high-functioning women who are tired of being told to play small. She’s calling BS on the idea that you need to be more “demure,” wear more pink, or act helpless so a man can feel useful. (Spoiler: You don’t.)
| [00:00] | Feminine Energy Myths |
| [01:37] | Misconception #1:You need to Let Men Help You |
| [02:15] | Misconception #2:You Need to be Demure |
| [02:14] | Why Playing Damsel Doesn’t Work |
| [03:31] | The Deeper Truth About Feminine Energy |
| [05:20] | Becoming Magnetic in Love |
| [06:36] | Queens Don’t Chase |
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Today we’re busting the biggest myth in
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the modern dating world.
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Feminine energy. If you’ve ever been told
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to be more feminine, if you want to attract a masculine man
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or to let him fix your garbage disposal
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so he can feel needed, or if you’ve been told you intimidate
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or emasculate men, stick around.
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By the end of this episode, you’ll know exactly
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why the mainstream advice backfires
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and what real feminine energy looks like
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for a high functioning, no nonsense woman.
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Hey, welcome back, and if you’re new here,
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I’m Hilary Silver, former therapist turned master, coach
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of 25 years, and the founder of Ready For Love.
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We help amazing,
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high achieving women create the extraordinary love
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and life they deserve, all
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by focusing on the relationship they have
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with themselves first,
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because getting everything
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that you want in this life always starts with you.
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If you’re single looking for love, the best place
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to get started is to watch my free masterclass,
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to learn more about what we do that is
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so radically different than anything else
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available anywhere.
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And if you’re in a relationship wanting more about personal
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growth and confidence
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and mindset work, I’m cooking up something super special
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where you can get all of my master classes
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and my workshops along with monthly q and a calls.
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So we’ve started a wait list for that.
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Both of the links are in the show
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notes and in the description.
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So let’s clear the air on the two most common
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feminine energy misconceptions.
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The first is that to be in your feminine energy, you need
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to let men help you.
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I’ve had women share with me that they manufactured chores
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or tasks and things
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that she could ask him to do to help her.
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All because some influencer
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or helper person said, men need to feel needed, right?
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I’m sure you’ve heard that. So I’ve heard women literally
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inventing ways for him to feel useful and handy and manly,
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and it’s kind of cute, but honestly,
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it’s just not effective.
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And no one wants to play games,
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and it’s definitely not authentic.
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You end up playing damsel when you’re actually
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Wonder Woman in heels.
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So just forget about all of that.
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The second misconception is that you need to be demure.
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The prescription is be girly.
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Wear dresses, let him take the lead and you go along.
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Translation, dim your light so he can shine,
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downplay your strength
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or success so he can feel good about himself.
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Don’t be too assertive or too ambitious or too much.
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This is just a hell no, ladies.
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There is a right way
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and a wrong way to embody your feminine energy
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and being anyone other than you is never the answer.
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So all of those tactics just attract the wrong men.
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Guys who want a captive audience rather than a partner,
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repels high quality men who desire a confident,
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self-centered woman
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to be his partner in life rather than a pretend
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princess he can control.
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And it just misrepresents who you are.
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Never be someone or something that you’re not.
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Just to make someone else feel something
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or to get them to do something.
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Does that make sense? It’s manipulation. And let’s be real.
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This charade just doesn’t last.
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How long can you hold that up
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before your true self just comes through?
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You simply cannot keep up the facade.
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Here’s the deeper truth.
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Most Instagram darlings don’t understand.
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High achieving women did not wake up one day choosing to be
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ultra independent, dynamos, self-sufficient superstars.
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They became that woman
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because a little girl inside them learned early on.
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Two, identity forming lessons.
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I have to earn acceptance and love work, perform
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or achieve for attention, prove I’m deserving,
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significant, or good enough.
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I have to be perfect or succeed to be worthy,
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and that there is a very certain way
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to be in this world, to be someone.
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And if I’m not that, then I am no one.
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I’m invisible, ignored, and not important.
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And the second message is I’m all alone in this world.
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If I need or want something, I have
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to make it happen myself.
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No one is coming to take care of me, help me or support me.
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And while that contributes to your drive, your ambition
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and tenacity and all the professional success you’ve had
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into being a superstar that you are, it also locks you into
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constant doing, pushing, proving, striving, and driving.
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So when influencers
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or other helpers tell you to just be girly
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or delegate a task to him so that he feels special
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and needed, it completely misses the mark.
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If you don’t heal, that little girl wound.
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Any pretend surface level femininity is just
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costumes and fairy dust.
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Real feminine energy has nothing to do with helplessness
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or hot pink manicures.
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It’s about receptivity.
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Without passivity,
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you can receive a great man’s effort while still being an
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active, equal
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and powerful participant, emotional resourcefulness,
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grounded, expressed, self-regulated
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and vulnerable magnetic presence rooted in
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self-worth, not performance.
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When you heal, restructure your narrative
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and fill that emptiness from the inside,
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you naturally relax.
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Your nervous system stops scanning for danger.
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You stop over-functioning and earning and proving,
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and you enter into the queen on her throne state of being
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decisive, powerful,
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and receiving while others joyfully do all the work
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that is authentic feminine energy.
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Look full.
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Transformation happens inside of my program,
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but here’s one shift that you can start today.
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So before we end, try this 32nd check-in.
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Put one hand on your belly and one hand on your heart,
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and close your eyes and ask, am I in drive or flow?
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No judgment. Just notice
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that tiny check-in will help you remember who you want to be
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and to quickly move into the state that you want to be in
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so you can begin upgrading your love life right away.
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Stop faking feminine energy
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and start living it naturally,
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effortlessly, undeniably.
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Remember, queens don’t chase. They choose.
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They attract, and they receive.
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Just as a reminder, the links to the free masterclass
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for the single women listening
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and the wait list for our coupled women are in the show
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notes and in the description below.
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And I also recommend watching
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or listening to my episode, the over 40 glow up.
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See you next time.
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