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Today we are talking about why strong, smart women
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who seem to have it all together settle
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for crumbs in relationships.
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Whether you’re single and dating
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or in a relationship, this conversation is going
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to be very eye-opening, so stick around till the very end
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because I’m sharing what it actually takes
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to turn this all around.
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Welcome back, and if you’re new here, I’m Hilary Silver,
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former therapist turned master, coach of 25 years,
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and founder of Ready For Love.
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I help high functioning,
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high achieving women become the most magnetic
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and powerful version of themselves
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so they can get everything they want in this life.
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This is the first episode in an eight week series called
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The Summer of Love.
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We are diving deep into love, relationships
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and dating all from a personal development perspective.
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So whether you’re single and dating in a relationship
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or just coming out of one,
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what I always teach starts with you.
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And if you’re ready for more right now, make sure
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to check out my free masterclass.
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The link is in the description.
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Okay, let’s talk about what crumbs actually looks like.
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It seems basic, but so often we settle for
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and tolerate a whole lot less without even realizing it.
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And so these are just a few examples that I put together.
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Doing all the emotional labor
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and heavy lifting in the relationship.
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You plan everything, initiate everything,
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and accommodate his schedule or his particularities.
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You are the one traveling
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to see him rearranging your schedule to fit his working
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around his kids or his ex.
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He says he’ll call, but he doesn’t, says he wants
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to see you, but then doesn’t make anything happen,
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and you’re left waiting and wondering if you should do it.
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Accepting friends with benefits when
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what you really want is commitment.
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You bend over backwards to make it easy for him to stay
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and do all the things so he’ll love you and won’t leave.
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He stops by or says he’s thinking about you,
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but then doesn’t follow up with action saying one thing
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and not following through, so the words
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and the actions don’t match.
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He’s giving you just enough to keep you on the hook,
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but you always feel like you’re chasing.
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We’re proving that you’re the one
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for him trying to get him to commit.
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We’re overgiving in the relationship,
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and the toll that this takes on you is that,
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and you might not realize that this is a problem,
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but you slowly start to feel unseen, unimportant,
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and unappreciated like you don’t really matter.
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You’re invisible and you’re confused and even resentful
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and deep down you’re feeling empty, like something is wrong
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with you, especially when you see other women being adored
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and cherished and treated like a queen.
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You start wondering, what’s wrong with me?
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Why can’t she be treated that way and not me?
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What’s wrong with me? It slowly chips away
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at your self-worth and reinforces the belief
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that maybe this is all you get.
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This is just the way it is for you.
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It really can take a toll on anyone’s self-esteem,
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mainstream advice,
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and all the other influencers are gonna point
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to the men as the problem.
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He’s a jerk. He’s selfish. He can’t commit.
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He’s a narcissist. He’s avoidant, and whether any of that
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or not is true doesn’t actually matter
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because none of that helps you change anything.
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So let’s just stop blaming the men right now
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and actually solve the problem.
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If this is happening to you,
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you are the common denominator, right?
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You can see that. So here’s the truth, are you ready for it?
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It’s a bit of a bitter pill to swallow, starving women
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eat crumbs.
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If this sounds like you, then you are starved.
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Starved for attention, starved for affection, starved
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for love, and most likely it goes
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beyond romantic relationships too.
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This probably started early in life for you.
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You’ve maybe been in a love desert your whole life,
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never truly fed emotionally.
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You were never seen or cherished
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or adored, maybe even going back to childhood
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where you were neglected or abandoned
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or dismissed and ignored.
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You didn’t receive the love way back then,
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or at least you felt like you didn’t.
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You had to earn love and work hard to earn scraps
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because you never received consistent,
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nourishing love when you’re that empty.
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Even a crumb feels like something, but it never fill you up.
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It always leaves you wanting,
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and this is what has you taking
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what you can get rather than getting what you want, settling
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for less than you want in a relationship
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and less than you want in a partner,
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not being treated the way you want to be treated.
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It’s normal for you to fight
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and claw for every little bit of attention.
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It’s familiar for you to not receive abundant love.
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In fact, that would even be uncomfortable for you.
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You know how to do this kind of deprivation, this scarcity,
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this chasing and settling.
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It’s a way of life for you
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and you don’t even know it can be different.
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And again, maybe you wouldn’t even know how
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to operate in a relationship where you got more.
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It might be very uncomfortable for you to receive that.
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So you’re stuck in this chasing pattern trying to get him
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to change what he’s doing so you can feel loved.
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It becomes up to him to fix this for you.
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But no man can change this for you.
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Only you can fix this for you,
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and that’s actually the best news ever.
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So the solution, you have to do the healing work on yourself
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so that you change this dynamic of trying
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to fill yourself up from the outside
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and instead feed yourself from the inside.
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You fill yourself up from the inside.
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You approach your life and your love life already full.
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You are already resourced. You are whole already.
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You are loved already.
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You don’t depend on anyone to feed you,
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and the deep hole in your soul is filled by you from within.
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Then you’re not showing up hungry and starved.
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You’re not willing to take crumbs when you know
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that you want the entire cake
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and it’s there for you if you want it.
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So it doesn’t matter what he’s doing, right?
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It doesn’t matter at all.
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If it doesn’t work for you, it just doesn’t work for you,
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and you move on.
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You don’t beg, borrow or steal, and you don’t push, pull
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or drag him along hoping he’ll change or commit
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or realize that you’re amazing
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and finally be all in with you.
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You’re not convincing anyone anymore.
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It’s a totally different vibe.
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When you are full
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and centered in yourself first, you attract better people
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and engage with them from a totally different place.
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If this is landing for you
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and you’re ready to finally stop chasing crumbs
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and to start attracting real love, I’m walking you
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through exactly how in my free masterclass,
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the link is in the description.
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I hope to see you there.
