Self Defeating Thoughts About Dating

Transcript

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Glad you’re here.

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Okay. So what we’re gonna do is we are gonna talk about

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self-defeating thoughts, um,

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that are getting in your way when you’re dating.

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So raise your hand if you’ve ever thought even just once.

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Maybe love isn’t for me, I’m just meant to be alone.

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Raise your hand. Okay.

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Or what if you’ve ever thought, what kind of woman does

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that man go for?

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Who do I have to be for that guy to like me?

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Or you came across a really good looking man who’s

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successful and polished

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and he looks the part for you, whatever that might be,

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and you immediately think, I’m not good enough for that.

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Man, that man.

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Let’s see. I see hands being raised.

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Yes, yes, yes. That’s me. Never. Okay, good. Okay.

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What about, have you ever had the thought, here we go again.

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Or why are all the good ones taken?

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Or why are all the good guys gay?

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You know, that kind of a thing.

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Any of you had those thoughts Used

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to before my program?

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Awesome. Love it. Amy.

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Um, what about online dating sucks.

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I hate online dating. Have you ever had that?

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All of them. Definitely. Here we go again.

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I knew I would get you with one of those.

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Um, I’m gonna keep going. All the good ones are gay, right?

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Uhhuh. I love it.

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Um, what about this?

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Who feels like who’ve had, who has had this feeling?

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This is more of a feeling than a specific thought.

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The thought creates the feeling.

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But who feels like they’re waiting

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for the other shoe to drop?

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Waiting for the inevitability

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of the disappointment or the letdown.

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Uhhuh, yes. Doesn’t seem to happen for me.

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They all have some kind of baggage. Yep.

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Okay, so we’re getting somewhere.

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This one’s too good to be true. Yes.

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The shoot a drop queen. Okay.

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Um, what about where you are waiting to find out

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that he’s not the person he’s sh telling you that he is?

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Like where, where you figure him out, where

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who he’s been presenting himself

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or representing himself to be.

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You’re just waiting for that disillusionment to happen.

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When is that gonna happen?

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Or you’re finally getting excited,

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you’re letting your wall down, you’re becoming invested.

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Maybe you’ve had sex, you’re kind of allowing yourself to,

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oh, this is kind of exciting.

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You’re, but also feeling a little bit reticent

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and you’re thinking at any day now he’s gonna ghost

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me or it’s gonna end.

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Or he’s, you’re waiting for him to tell you things like,

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I’m just not ready for a relationship after all,

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or I can’t give you what you want.

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Or, um, you’re amazing,

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but something’s missing or You’re beautiful.

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I don’t know what’s wrong with me, but I am not your person.

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What about when you are like, feeling that to happen,

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waiting for him to take off his mask?

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Yep. Okay.

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We’re almost done. There’s a lot of these here. Okay.

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And when you think about dating, whether it’s online

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or in real life, which in our program we have, we,

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we call lovingly call Earl

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and old IRL in real life, Earl

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and online dating, old Earl and old.

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That’s what we, that’s what we call it in our program.

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When you think about dating, who feels dread,

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reluctance, anxious,

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ambivalent, scared.

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Which one of those more sounds like you

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dread all of the above?

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Reluctance, reticence, intimidating.

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Not that you’re intimidating, but maybe you’re intimidated.

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Maybe you feel overwhelmed by online dating,

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especially if you’ve not been in the

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dating field for a while.

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’cause you’ve been coming out of a relationship.

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Dread, time consuming. It’s exhausting.

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You don’t really wanna date to meet someone.

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Everybody just wants to be I dream of Jeanie

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where they just go like this

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and they’re in the relationship.

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Remember her. Um, right,

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but unfortunately it’s a necessary means to an end.

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Okay? I hate old, okay? It is exhausting.

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You’re checking your phone all the time.

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It’s an emotional rollercoaster. Why?

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The would anybody wanna do it? I get it. Okay.

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So that’s why we’re talking about this today,

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because what do you think is gonna happen if you show up

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that way with all those things that you are thinking

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and all those things that you are feeling?

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And, and what that does is, is creates a vicious cycle.

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Because what happens is when that’s all going on inside

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of you, you’re going to attract narcissistic men.

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You’re going to attract unavailable men

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emotionally unavailable or otherwise.

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Maybe they live far away, maybe they’re not divorced yet.

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Maybe they’re still married and don’t intend on leaving,

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but you don’t know that you’re going

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to attract non-committal men.

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Men who only want friends with benefits they can’t commit

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because they’re in between things or whatever.

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They’re just unable to commit.

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You’re attracting men who have problems

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that you are sure good at solving, okay?

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They have issues, addiction issues, mental health issues,

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ex-wife issues, all kinds of issues,

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health issues, money issues.

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And then you get ghosted, the relationship fades

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or fizzles or he backpedals

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and you get those messages that you’re so great,

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but something is missing

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or which was what was always the case for me,

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the men I really wanted to be with.

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Who I would see out there, who I just was like, God,

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who do I have to be for that kind of guy, right?

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That guy doesn’t want a woman like me.

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Those guys who I wanted to be with didn’t even notice me

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or ever pursue me.

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And it was the men that I wasn’t interested in at all

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that would be pursuing me.

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And that was almost worse.

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It’s like kicking me when I’m down rubbing salt in the

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wound, rubbing my nose in it.

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I’d rather not have any attention at all than the attention

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of the wrong men, because that just made me feel even worse.

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But that is all gonna happen to you if you are dating

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with all the thoughts and feelings and emotions

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and energetic levels that I just talked about.

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And every single one of you said

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that you are okay.

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I’m just checking in your comments now.

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Doesn’t that make sense?

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So of all the things that I just said, the patterns

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that are happening, the things that are coming up

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for you when you’re dating, which one is

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happening to you the most?

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Is it you’re not getting the attention, the the attention

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of the right guys, but only of the wrong guys.

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Is it that you’re only getting a month

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or two in and then it’s ending.

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So it’s a lot of emotion

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and time that you’re investing, getting to know each other,

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and then it goes nowhere

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and that feels like a waste of time.

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And another letdown and another rejection.

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Or, um, maybe you’re having all these great first dates

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or you think it’s a great first date

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and then you never hear from him again.

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And, and that’s what I call the one date wonder.

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’cause you’re left wondering, what did I do wrong, right?

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He said it was great. He said he wanted to see me again.

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And then you’d never hear from him again

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and you’re like, Hmm, I wonder what happened.

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What did I do wrong? Okay. All of that sucks.

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Tampa. I hate old number two for you.

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Not beyond chatting on apps

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or So not even getting off the apps.

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Yes. Not connecting with quality men,

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attracting the unavailable men when I attract them.

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Yes. Uh, wrong attention

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even though I’m paying more attention to red flags

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before going on the first date.

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Yeah. So it just tells me that there’s still,

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um, this is you guys.

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This is all you. And, um, that’s exactly

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what we’re gonna be talking about in

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my workshop that is coming up.

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So for those of you who have heard I’m doing this workshop,

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I’m excited to tell you

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that we are opening enrollment today.

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We opened it yesterday for women on the wait list

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because they went out of their way to get on the wait list.

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They were all, all the women on the wait list got their

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personal invitation yesterday, um, to secure their spot,

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they got priority access today.

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We opened the doors to everyone

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and, um, the doors will be open for a week,

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but the price is going up on Thursday,

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which is plenty of time.

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It’s $97 if you, if you sign up today.

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And then it goes up to 1 97 on Thursday.

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It’s a three hour workshop

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where we are digging into this in a serious way.

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And, um, we’re gonna do it in a popup Facebook group just

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like we did the last masterclass

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because it gives us a hub where I can teach,

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the recording can live, the homework can be downloaded,

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and then we can have this amazing conversation about it

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for a whole week after I teach it.

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Um, there’s still room if you missed your invite to the,

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we emailed everybody,

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but, um, you should check your

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spam folder if you didn’t see it.

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Okay. Um, who is that? Let me see. You signed up?

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Yes, I saw you signed up, Kim.

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Um, it, your invitation should be in your email,

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but, um, Stacia, if you’re here,

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will you please pop the link in It’s hillary

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silver.com/workshop.

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We still have seats, so no worries.

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And you still have time to take advantage of the,

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of the fast action pricing.

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And this is what’s cool, anybody who enrolls

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and registers, I should say for the workshop today,

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tomorrow, or Sunday, because I know some women don’t have

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time to watch us until the weekend,

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you will all be entered into a contest to win a gift card

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because I love sending women shopping

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to go buy awesome little things

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that make them feel sexy and special.

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So if it’s bath bubbles, fine. If it’s sexy, lingerie, fine.

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If it’s earrings, fine. If it’s a purse, fine.

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If it’s a gorgeous outfit, fine. I don’t care.

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I want you to go do something nice for yourself,

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buy something nice for yourself,

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something more expensive than maybe you would spend,

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because I’m giving you a gift card.

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So you guys, whoever of all the ladies who enroll

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between now and you know, know what, if you, if

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for wait list, ladies, I will include you too,

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because I don’t wanna penalize any of you

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for being early birds.

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So anybody through Sunday who registers

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for this workshop will get your hat tossed in the ring

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and we will pick a winner, maybe two, we’ll see

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and send you guys a, a gift card.

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Okay? Yay, Sarah.

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So what I want you to know,

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what we’re doing in this workshop is we are gonna be talking

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about all of this stuff

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and the brain science of, of how these thoughts

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and beliefs get formed

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and how it’s part of our programming

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from way back when we were little,

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which is why positive affirmations don’t work,

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why vision boards don’t work,

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why focusing on the positive doesn’t work.

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And so we’re gonna talk all about where that comes from

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and how it negatively impacts your reality.

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And then I’m gonna teach you again where the,

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where the science intersects with law of attraction.

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And so how you are manifesting this in your life,

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this disappointment, this vicious cycle.

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It’s all you ladies.

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And what I love about women who sign up for me with me,

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first of all, I love all you for being here

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for my free videos and in my Facebook group.

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What I love about women who sign up for my programs,

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my my workshops, is that you have in common

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with me a fundamental core value, which is

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personal responsibility and individual accountability.

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Radical responsibility, which is that

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we are always our own biggest problem.

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When something isn’t working in our life,

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we can blame our parents, we can blame our friends,

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we can blame our exes, we can blame our children,

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we can blame our DNA, we can blame our family genetics,

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whatever, but none of that is gonna help us move forward.

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So all these things happen to us along the way

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as we are growing and developing and becoming who we are.

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And some things are great and some things are not great.

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And if we are stuck pointing the finger at all of that,

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we are never getting off this train that is a fast moving

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runaway train with a destination

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to know where you want to be.

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So what I love about all of you is that you are here with me

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and that you are signing up

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and that you are ready to look at this stuff.

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But I’m also going to be teaching you some very specific

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takeaways like I did last time.

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But I wanna teach you my process for

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how to change your brain.

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And that means that you’re gonna be able to manifest.

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I wanna celebrate you. I love when women sign

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up for themselves.

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I love when, I love when women say, I want

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that. I want that, and

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I shall have it.

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Not just, I want that. Why won’t, why can’t I have that?

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It’s, I want that and I shall have it. It’s up to you.

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Just do it. Okay?

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So, um, that’s all I’ve got for you guys today.

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I hope that answered all your questions.

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