The Only Way To Stop Ignoring Red Flags

Transcript

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We all, I want us to have a working definition

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of intuition so that we all kind of agree on this.

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And, and then we’ll peel the layers out.

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So basically, when we all talk about intuition,

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what we’re talking about is a, that when we have a felt

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sense of a truth, of a situation, even if

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there’s no rational informational,

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um, cognitive

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reason for us to see the situation the way it’s, so,

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it’s our perception of a situation,

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our insight into a situation.

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And we are seeing this truth

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without having fact, right?

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That’s what it is. Without rational thought,

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without our mind, we are feeling into a situation

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or a person, or we’re reading the room

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and we are feeling something

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that is actually truth.

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Okay? But because we don’t have cold, hard evidence,

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it’s not mathematical.

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We often dismiss it. We trust math. We trust what we see.

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The rational cognitive data-based thing,

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like you can’t argue a mathematical formula.

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Two plus two equals four, no matter

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how you look at it, okay?

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Um, but what we’re talking about here is one

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of our human superpowers,

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and that is to read a room, right?

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Judge a person. And,

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and it’s almost like reading between the lines.

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I wanna know how many of you actually feel the intuition

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and listen, how many

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of you feel the intuition and don’t listen?

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And how many of you really don’t feel it? Okay?

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Um, so go ahead and put your comments in there.

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You feel it, but you don’t listen.

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You listen and you feel, yes, that’s

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because you’re with me in the program.

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You feel, but you don’t always listen.

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Feel, but don’t listen. Love it.

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I feel it, but sometimes don’t want to act on it.

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Ding, ding. Okay?

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That’s, that’s, you know,

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what we talked about in the program is like

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basically denial, right?

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And dera, you’re intuitive and you listen. Good for you.

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Was it always that way? Okay, so

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here’s what I want you to know.

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We’re gonna long talk about intuition

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and really where it comes from.

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Now in this whole concept of intuition,

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where we feel something isn’t right.

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Oops, let me turn off my, we feel something isn’t right.

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We feel something might be true about somebody.

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We feel it, we feel it, we feel it, right?

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It’s a feeling of felt sense, okay?

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And, um, it’s almost like, um, when we say

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that like a technology is intuitive, right?

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Like if you got a new apple watch

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and it feels intuitive, it means that it’s kind

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of reading the human, um, design,

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and that we, um, naturally want to do something,

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or we’re naturally going to click this if we do that.

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So it was built intuitively to anticipate

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who we are, what we’re gonna do, what, what,

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what our reactions are gonna be,

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or what our responses are gonna be, right?

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So, um, in humans, this is like us reading

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somebody, but if you’re not feeling

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your feelings, then you won’t

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trust your intuition.

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So for the ladies who’ve been in our program, you all know

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that what I teach is that you, emotions

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are your greatest source of wisdom for you about

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who you are.

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Your emotional world tells you

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everything that you need to know.

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It tells you everything. It tells

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you how you feel about things.

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It tells you what your opinions are.

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It tells you what you like and don’t like.

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It tells you, um, what you’re comfortable with,

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what you’re not comfortable with.

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It tells you what your political views are.

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It tells you all those things about you

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because you’re, you’re having this reaction

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to what’s going on, okay?

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And so, and

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because your emotions are telling you who you are,

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it also will tell you what you need to do

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and be your guidance system.

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Your emotions are your guidance system.

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You will always know what to do if you are listening

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and you are feeling and you are tapping in, okay?

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This is, it’s like, um, it’s kind of like your gauge.

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It’s your taking your temperature.

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It’s your, um, it’s your indicator light, right?

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Going off. And,

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and so I’ve always felt, I’ve always said

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that I have my emotional world.

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My emotional sense is more developed than most

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because I don’t have a sense of smell.

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Some of you don’t know that about me.

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Most people don’t know that about me.

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I’ve never had a sense of smell.

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Can’t smell a thing. It makes really easy to live with boys

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and men and dogs, and it made changing diapers a challenge.

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My 3-year-old always had

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to tell me when my baby’s poopy diaper

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was needed to be changed.

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So I don’t have a sense of smell,

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but I have an overdeveloped sense

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of my emotional world.

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My intuition is huge.

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And that’s why I’m so good at what I do

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and why I can understand what’s going on

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with a woman within seconds, because I feel it.

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I get it, I understand it, I notice it. I can read it, okay?

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But it’s a sixth sense for all of us.

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It’s one that no one talks about.

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But our emotional world is

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a sensory experience that we are having.

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It is a sensory experience when we are feeling an emotion

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because it’s sensing what’s going on in our world, right?

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When you walk into a room

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and you smell something, that’s your smell sense.

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When you take a bite of something, that’s your taste sense.

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But your emotions when you walk into a room tells you

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something about the room, the people in it and you.

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Does that make sense? You guys?

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I want to hear what you have to say, all of you about that.

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Does that make sense? What I’m saying about our emotions?

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Now, why it gets complicated.

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It gets complicated

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because how we were conditioned

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to have this relationship with our feelings.

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Think about how many messages you got when you were growing

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up about feelings.

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I’ll give you something to cry about, right?

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If you’re crying and you’re having a tantrum, calm down

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or, um, you know, you are overreacting

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or don’t be so sensitive.

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Um, right? We learned and we were trained

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and conditioned that it’s bad to be too emotional.

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Women, girls were too emotional, right?

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Big feelings get us in trouble

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because we react poorly, we overreact.

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We, it’s what we do with our feelings that, that betray us,

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not our feelings themselves.

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Big feelings overwhelm us and scare us.

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Um, you know,

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like we have this really f****d up relationship

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with our own feelings.

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Does that make sense? I’ve gotten you exactly or something.

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Like if you’re crying and,

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and somebody says, well, this better be a big deal.

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Like, your reaction is like this, you know?

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And, and the truth is, like I’ve said those things

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to my kids, like I’ve said it, calm down.

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I’ve said, calm down.

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I’ve literally told my daughter, you know, calm down.

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Stop crying. I’ve done that.

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I’m not perfect right now.

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The point is to not shut her down.

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It’s so that we can process it and, and calm her down

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and talk to her and soothe her.

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That’s what I do, right?

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That wasn’t done for most of us, but when she’s freaking out

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and screaming and crying and carrying on

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and whatever, I can’t even get near her.

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Um, so I, you know, trying to talk her down.

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But for those of us in our age, our age group,

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that’s not how it was handled.

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Okay? It was, we were sent to our rooms if we were crying,

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we were outcast if we were upset.

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So we have this really unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship

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with this part of ourselves.

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And what happens is women either become

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cut off from their feelings

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and completely disconnect from their emotions.

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For all the reasons I just said, you’ve gotten in trouble

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for having big emotions.

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When you feel overwhelmed by your emotions,

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you make bad decisions.

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When you feel overwhelmed

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by your feelings, it feels terrible.

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You don’t like the way it feels.

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So you don’t wanna ever do that again.

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I’ve literally had women tell me,

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I never wanna get into another relationship again,

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because when it ends, I will be so depressed that I will,

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it’ll take me a year to get out of that depression again.

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Because the, the feeling of, of grief and loss

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and, um, heartbreak was so consuming

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and overwhelming that she couldn’t

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even function for a while.

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How many of you have had that?

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So then that, you know, when you’re scared of your feelings,

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you cut off from them.

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You won’t let yourself feel them. You won’t welcome them.

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So that’s one way that women deal with emotions.

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But the other is that women are often not, not just women,

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but men too, men mostly with anger.

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Um, but a lot of women are overly emotional,

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not in a judgy way,

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but it, they feel overwhelmed by their emotions.

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And so they don’t trust themselves

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in their emotional world.

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So, right?

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So if you, if you feel like, um, I,

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if I get into a relationship with a man

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and, um, I am in that early stage when it’s exciting

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and scary and nerve wracking,

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and oh my God, I don’t know what I’m doing.

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And, and that makes you feel sick to your stomach,

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and it’s a wild ride,

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and it’s really like an addictive kind of adrenaline rush.

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But you make a lot of mistakes or you mishandle things,

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or you go crazy in your head

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and you’re checking your phone all the time,

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or you make a fool of yourself,

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or you, one woman said, I make a nuisance of myself

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because I’m like rereading all the texts

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and then I’m texting ’em again.

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And like, if the cray cray comes out in you in those early

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stages, that that’s somewhat normal to feel that,

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but it doesn’t feel good necessarily sometimes.

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And you betray yourself when you aren’t managing

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that in the best way.

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So can you see why we have a conflicted relationship

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with our feelings?

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The feelings, the emotional world

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that is such a huge part of who we are,

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is either underdeveloped, immature,

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not to be trusted.

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Shut off. And guess what we do

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when we are avoiding our feelings?

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We eat them, we drink them,

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we shop them, gamble them, busy them away,

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but they never really go away.

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They’re always there.

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And what happens when you are denying your feelings?

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A number one, that is self betrayal, self abandonment.

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You’re feeling sad and you shut it off.

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Just shut up and drink. Shut up and eat it.

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Shut up and turn away from yourself and get busy

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and don’t feel that feeling, oh s**t, she’s feeling sad.

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Don’t feel that. Oh God, she’s feeling lonely right now.

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Better eat that away. Drink that away.

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We, so that’s what’s happening, number one.

250
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But number two, this is a big source.

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Like we are going to the source

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of anxiety right here, right now.

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When you have anxiety, chronic anxiety, constant anxiety,

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it’s basically the way I describe it is like, you know,

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anxiety feels un uneasy, feels like agitation.

256
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It feels like restless.

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It’s like bubbles in your belly, like butterflies, right?

258
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It’s discomfort. It’s, it’s, it’s enough

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00:13:11.295 –> 00:13:13.015
to make you throw up sometimes.

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Um, and, and you can’t sleep

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and you’re disturbed and you’re upset.

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And all of that, that is, is

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what happens when you are denying your real feeling.

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Anxiety is a symptom.

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00:13:27.715 –> 00:13:32.615
People, it makes me so mad when I’m watching the news or TV

266
00:13:32.955 –> 00:13:37.215
or some quote unquote expert saying, you know, the best way

267
00:13:37.215 –> 00:13:40.895
to manage anxiety during covid is to just get a lot of sleep

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00:13:40.995 –> 00:13:43.055
and eat healthy and get a lot of exercise,

269
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get some vitamin D that is symptom control,

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because anxiety is a symptom,

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and it’s a symptom that has symptoms in itself.

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Anxiety symptoms are, like I just said, feeling uneasy,

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sweating, maybe having panic attacks, not being able

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to sleep, constant worry, being distracted.

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Um, all of that, those are symptoms of anxiety.

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But anxiety is in itself a symptom of a deeper problem.

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And one of those problems is not feeling your real

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feeling and cutting off from your truth.

279
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Remember at the beginning I said, intuition

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is your emotional reaction to something

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00:14:25.925 –> 00:14:29.495
that you’re experiencing, and it is the truth.

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So, so this is your truth, you following me?

283
00:14:35.965 –> 00:14:37.885
I don’t wanna get all too philosophical on you,

284
00:14:38.145 –> 00:14:39.285
but I want you to understand.

285
00:14:40.065 –> 00:14:44.435
So if you’re ignoring your truth, you will have anxiety

286
00:14:45.475 –> 00:14:48.875
every time, all day, every day for a lot of women

287
00:14:49.575 –> 00:14:51.695
who live this way, okay?

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You can’t trust yourself.

289
00:14:55.435 –> 00:14:58.455
You can’t make decisions for yourself.

290
00:14:59.075 –> 00:15:01.015
You have no certainty, no predictability.

291
00:15:01.355 –> 00:15:04.775
If, if you’re turning yourself away from your feelings.

292
00:15:05.475 –> 00:15:07.935
And then what happens is you see some

293
00:15:08.215 –> 00:15:09.615
questionable behavior with a guy.

294
00:15:09.795 –> 00:15:14.375
You feel it, your gut is telling you, I’m uneasy.

295
00:15:15.045 –> 00:15:16.655
This doesn’t feel right.

296
00:15:17.325 –> 00:15:20.375
He’s saying this, but doing this, something’s amiss.

297
00:15:21.335 –> 00:15:23.465
Your gut is screaming at you,

298
00:15:24.405 –> 00:15:27.705
but you dismiss it for all the reasons we just talked about.

299
00:15:28.845 –> 00:15:30.695
It’s uncomfortable to feel it.

300
00:15:31.375 –> 00:15:34.645
I don’t like the way that it feels. Right?

301
00:15:35.185 –> 00:15:38.645
If I feel this, then you make meaning about it,

302
00:15:38.735 –> 00:15:40.685
which is, I’m being judgmental.

303
00:15:41.345 –> 00:15:45.645
I’m being hard on him. I am, you know, being difficult.

304
00:15:46.145 –> 00:15:49.885
I’m being too picky. I should give everyone a try.

305
00:15:50.545 –> 00:15:52.565
You override your feelings

306
00:15:52.675 –> 00:15:55.635
with your mind, okay?

307
00:15:56.145 –> 00:15:58.875
Your mind wants what it wants.

308
00:16:00.075 –> 00:16:01.575
You want the relationship.

309
00:16:01.915 –> 00:16:04.055
You want this guy to be who you want him to be.

310
00:16:04.355 –> 00:16:08.055
You want a second date. You don’t wanna get rejected.

311
00:16:08.315 –> 00:16:09.855
You don’t wanna be alone.

312
00:16:10.235 –> 00:16:13.295
You don’t wanna get back out there and date again.

313
00:16:14.915 –> 00:16:16.535
If you don’t want to listen,

314
00:16:18.405 –> 00:16:22.985
then you’re in denial and you don’t wanna listen

315
00:16:22.985 –> 00:16:26.945
because that truth that you’re feeling means

316
00:16:26.945 –> 00:16:28.105
that you have to move on.

317
00:16:28.325 –> 00:16:30.385
You have a dis difficult decision to make.

318
00:16:30.385 –> 00:16:33.645
You have to break up with him. You have to quit your job.

319
00:16:33.785 –> 00:16:36.005
If something doesn’t feel right, you have to tell a friend.

320
00:16:37.445 –> 00:16:38.865
You’re not gonna be friends anymore

321
00:16:38.865 –> 00:16:43.255
because you suspect something isn’t right.

322
00:16:45.415 –> 00:16:47.155
So it’s kind of like, remember the hear no evil?

323
00:16:47.175 –> 00:16:48.635
See no evil, la la, la, la, la.

324
00:16:48.675 –> 00:16:52.315
I don’t wanna know, don’t tell me that’s what you’re doing

325
00:16:53.265 –> 00:16:56.895
when you are cut off from your feelings, okay?

326
00:16:58.205 –> 00:17:01.185
So this ultimately is about a relationship with you,

327
00:17:01.235 –> 00:17:05.175
where you are rejecting this part of you for all the reasons

328
00:17:05.175 –> 00:17:08.325
that we’re talking about, okay?

329
00:17:08.945 –> 00:17:10.925
You’ll never trust your intuition.

330
00:17:11.225 –> 00:17:14.045
You’ll never listen to your intuition so long

331
00:17:14.045 –> 00:17:16.325
as you are cut off from your emotional world.

332
00:17:18.095 –> 00:17:22.895
So how we fix this ladies, is to really

333
00:17:24.545 –> 00:17:28.045
do the healing work inside of yourself

334
00:17:29.105 –> 00:17:32.805
to restore and recover this part of your being.

335
00:17:32.995 –> 00:17:34.845
Because it’s so been cut off.

336
00:17:36.105 –> 00:17:37.925
You are walking around a half person.

337
00:17:38.945 –> 00:17:40.205
You are not a whole person.

338
00:17:41.665 –> 00:17:43.245
If you are cut off from your feelings

339
00:17:43.245 –> 00:17:46.645
or denying your feelings, or if your feelings are so big

340
00:17:46.665 –> 00:17:49.245
and overwhelming that you’re not trusting them, them

341
00:17:49.245 –> 00:17:51.205
because it’s an overreaction.

342
00:17:51.915 –> 00:17:53.965
That could be true too. Like I said,

343
00:17:54.435 –> 00:17:58.565
your big emotional reaction to something is blown out

344
00:17:58.565 –> 00:18:01.885
of proportion, and you don’t trust that it’s, it, it’s,

345
00:18:01.885 –> 00:18:05.085
it’s a correct reading of the situation.

346
00:18:05.785 –> 00:18:08.885
And maybe it’s not because you,

347
00:18:09.235 –> 00:18:11.525
your emotional world is overactive.

348
00:18:11.955 –> 00:18:13.685
Does that make sense? Emotional

349
00:18:13.685 –> 00:18:15.325
intelligence really is the key.

350
00:18:15.705 –> 00:18:18.685
But what is emotional intelligence anyway? Really?

351
00:18:19.665 –> 00:18:24.525
So emotional intelligence is expanding your

352
00:18:25.045 –> 00:18:29.805
capacity for your emotional world

353
00:18:30.585 –> 00:18:33.685
to live in harmony with your rational world,

354
00:18:34.625 –> 00:18:37.765
and that you can name your feelings,

355
00:18:39.615 –> 00:18:44.065
feel your feelings, manage your feelings,

356
00:18:44.575 –> 00:18:46.705
express your feelings,

357
00:18:47.215 –> 00:18:49.705
even when you are in the most activated

358
00:18:49.805 –> 00:18:53.585
and triggered state, you can handle all of that

359
00:18:54.125 –> 00:18:55.305
as your adult self.

360
00:18:55.765 –> 00:18:59.065
So a big part of this healing is the inner child stuff.

361
00:19:00.495 –> 00:19:01.975
’cause most of us, when we act that way,

362
00:19:02.005 –> 00:19:03.535
when we feel overwhelmed that way,

363
00:19:04.515 –> 00:19:07.535
are coming from a deep wounded place inside of ourselves,

364
00:19:07.545 –> 00:19:09.855
we’re triggered right back to our 10-year-old self,

365
00:19:10.155 –> 00:19:11.415
our 12-year-old self.

366
00:19:12.005 –> 00:19:15.665
Okay? But if you don’t integrate

367
00:19:16.845 –> 00:19:20.705
all these parts of you, you are not a whole person

368
00:19:22.045 –> 00:19:24.545
and you are emotionally unavailable,

369
00:19:24.885 –> 00:19:26.985
and you will never create intimacy

370
00:19:26.985 –> 00:19:28.865
and connection with anyone

371
00:19:28.935 –> 00:19:31.505
because your emotional world is sitting on the shelf.

372
00:19:32.375 –> 00:19:33.865
Gene says, does resonate,

373
00:19:33.865 –> 00:19:34.945
but what if I am trained

374
00:19:34.945 –> 00:19:36.785
to control my emotions to preserve life?

375
00:19:36.785 –> 00:19:39.065
That’s right. So you have this belief

376
00:19:39.065 –> 00:19:41.705
that I can’t feel my feelings, I have to

377
00:19:42.375 –> 00:19:46.785
control my feelings, or I will experience some kind of life

378
00:19:46.785 –> 00:19:49.945
or death situation, just enrolled a woman into our program.

379
00:19:50.885 –> 00:19:53.905
Um, and she’s so cut off from her emotional world

380
00:19:54.095 –> 00:19:57.465
because she’s protecting herself from all the bad feelings,

381
00:19:57.855 –> 00:20:01.465
hurt, betrayal, anxiety, any discomfort,

382
00:20:02.845 –> 00:20:04.785
any perceived uncomfortable feeling.

383
00:20:06.085 –> 00:20:08.145
But she’s also then not allowing herself

384
00:20:08.145 –> 00:20:09.385
to feel the highs either.

385
00:20:10.325 –> 00:20:12.345
So she’s kind of like a zombie is

386
00:20:12.345 –> 00:20:13.905
what we talked about with her yesterday.

387
00:20:14.805 –> 00:20:18.945
And, you know, like you just, you can’t just take the good

388
00:20:18.945 –> 00:20:21.425
with the bad, without the, you know, like you,

389
00:20:22.005 –> 00:20:24.545
if you’re really cut off completely, then

390
00:20:24.545 –> 00:20:25.785
what happens is a lot of women,

391
00:20:26.125 –> 00:20:28.345
you’re not feeling the highs, you’re not feeling the lows.

392
00:20:28.375 –> 00:20:31.105
It’s just this like shades of gray that you’re living in.

393
00:20:32.295 –> 00:20:35.755
So it takes a lot of mindset shifting and reframing

394
00:20:36.095 –> 00:20:40.275
and reinstalling these beliefs about your feelings.

395
00:20:43.705 –> 00:20:48.605
Okay? Again, your feelings are your greatest source

396
00:20:48.605 –> 00:20:50.765
of wisdom for you about who you are

397
00:20:52.725 –> 00:20:55.625
and what you need to do in a situation

398
00:20:56.405 –> 00:21:00.895
and how to handle yourself, um, in all ways

399
00:21:01.005 –> 00:21:02.375
with everyone everywhere you go.

400
00:21:03.395 –> 00:21:08.245
So, not being scared of your feelings,

401
00:21:08.765 –> 00:21:10.645
reprogramming, all of that stuff.

402
00:21:10.795 –> 00:21:12.205
It’s a lot of deep work,

403
00:21:13.185 –> 00:21:16.725
but it’s not just so that you can have intimacy with a man.

404
00:21:17.195 –> 00:21:20.765
It’s so that you can be your own pilot in your life

405
00:21:21.465 –> 00:21:26.435
and trust yourself to handle whatever comes your way

406
00:21:27.465 –> 00:21:29.515
with friends, colleagues, kids

407
00:21:30.715 –> 00:21:32.815
in work situations, right?

408
00:21:32.915 –> 00:21:35.175
If you’re cut off from that part of you,

409
00:21:35.955 –> 00:21:37.935
you will betray yourself every time

410
00:21:38.475 –> 00:21:39.735
you won’t know what to do.

411
00:21:39.735 –> 00:21:41.335
That’s the best thing to do for you

412
00:21:42.465 –> 00:21:44.995
because you’re not letting yourself feel it.

413
00:21:46.025 –> 00:21:50.525
Does that all make sense? Emotional intelligence is

414
00:21:52.175 –> 00:21:55.565
being able it, so when you’re intelligent, it means

415
00:21:55.565 –> 00:21:57.805
that you understand things really well, right?

416
00:21:58.305 –> 00:22:01.725
You are smart. So it, so in basic terms, it means that you

417
00:22:02.425 –> 00:22:06.315
are intelligent about your feelings instead

418
00:22:06.315 –> 00:22:07.835
of ignorant about your feelings.

419
00:22:08.075 –> 00:22:10.235
Ignorant, not in like a judgy way,

420
00:22:10.295 –> 00:22:12.595
but ignorant literally means the absence of information.

421
00:22:12.595 –> 00:22:13.755
The absence of knowledge.

422
00:22:14.335 –> 00:22:17.995
So to know this part of you, to be able

423
00:22:18.015 –> 00:22:20.235
to name your feelings.

424
00:22:20.375 –> 00:22:23.155
So many women don’t have a, a, an a vocabulary

425
00:22:23.155 –> 00:22:27.355
for their feelings, but really the English language

426
00:22:27.495 –> 00:22:31.195
and all languages are infinite words.

427
00:22:31.775 –> 00:22:35.635
You know, there’s, there’s, so, it’s, it’s understanding how

428
00:22:35.635 –> 00:22:38.795
to ex like, articulate what you’re feeling, express

429
00:22:38.795 –> 00:22:40.475
what you’re feeling, to feel, what you’re feeling,

430
00:22:40.575 –> 00:22:42.075
to manage your feelings.

431
00:22:42.815 –> 00:22:45.595
Um, it’s all of that.

432
00:22:45.935 –> 00:22:48.755
And really tapping into your emotional world

433
00:22:49.215 –> 00:22:52.435
and taking your emotional self and your rational self

434
00:22:52.535 –> 00:22:55.955
and integrating them, that is emotional intelligence.

435
00:22:56.215 –> 00:22:58.355
So that when you’re having big, strong emotions,

436
00:22:59.695 –> 00:23:03.555
you don’t retreat to, um,

437
00:23:04.795 –> 00:23:05.885
your child self

438
00:23:06.505 –> 00:23:09.925
and act in a way that’s going to betray you and cause trouble.

439
00:23:10.545 –> 00:23:12.805
But you can feel the big feelings even when you’re

440
00:23:12.805 –> 00:23:17.685
triggered, and you can feel them, handle them, process them,

441
00:23:18.315 –> 00:23:20.165
express them, deal with them,

442
00:23:21.105 –> 00:23:24.985
but with, with your rational mind

443
00:23:25.125 –> 00:23:27.505
and your rational self involved,

444
00:23:28.685 –> 00:23:31.865
that’s emotional intelligence to be able to react

445
00:23:31.865 –> 00:23:33.425
or respond to a person

446
00:23:33.485 –> 00:23:37.425
or a situation in your most ideal version of you,

447
00:23:38.055 –> 00:23:39.265
even when you’re triggered,

448
00:23:39.695 –> 00:23:41.945
because you understand what’s going on with you,

449
00:23:42.885 –> 00:23:45.560
what you’re feeling, right?

450
00:23:45.955 –> 00:23:47.895
And in the Ready for Love program, I walk you

451
00:23:47.895 –> 00:23:50.095
through a process of developing this part of yourself,

452
00:23:50.155 –> 00:23:52.935
but also, how do I recognize what you’re feeling, how

453
00:23:52.935 –> 00:23:54.975
to notice when you have a feeling, how

454
00:23:54.975 –> 00:23:58.775
to express your feelings, how do all of that, that’s

455
00:23:58.775 –> 00:24:00.175
what the Ready for Love program is,

456
00:24:00.175 –> 00:24:02.455
because how can you have intimacy if you aren’t

457
00:24:02.455 –> 00:24:03.615
feeling your feelings?

458
00:24:04.645 –> 00:24:07.535
How can you have an emotional connection

459
00:24:07.535 –> 00:24:10.695
with someone if you are emotionally cut off?

460
00:24:11.535 –> 00:24:13.435
That’s what I’m being emotionally unavailable.

461
00:24:13.655 –> 00:24:17.395
Is EQ is more important than iq.

462
00:24:17.595 –> 00:24:19.035
I think my EQ is off the chart.

463
00:24:19.095 –> 00:24:22.035
My iq, I don’t even know, I’ve never even took an IQ test.

464
00:24:24.435 –> 00:24:27.475
I don’t even, I’m, I’ll be afraid to find out what my IQ is.

465
00:24:28.595 –> 00:24:30.915
I don’t think they test for this stuff in the iq.

466
00:24:31.705 –> 00:24:32.955
It’s not my zone of genius.

467
00:24:35.885 –> 00:24:38.015
Emotional abuse does take a toll.

468
00:24:38.995 –> 00:24:42.575
Um, emotional abuse is what I was talking about earlier

469
00:24:43.365 –> 00:24:46.615
when we, the way we were treated and trained and conditioned

470
00:24:46.615 –> 00:24:48.935
and programmed to feel about ourselves.

471
00:24:49.395 –> 00:24:51.555
Our self-concept, right?

472
00:24:51.585 –> 00:24:53.395
Like I said earlier, I don’t know if you were here earlier,

473
00:24:53.745 –> 00:24:55.315
Gina was saying like, the message is like,

474
00:24:55.315 –> 00:24:57.555
I’ll give you something to cry about, you know,

475
00:24:57.735 –> 00:25:00.355
or being in situations

476
00:25:00.355 –> 00:25:01.715
where you’re taught to doubt yourself.

477
00:25:01.855 –> 00:25:03.595
My mom did that all the time, you guys,

478
00:25:03.695 –> 00:25:04.715
and I know she meant well,

479
00:25:04.715 –> 00:25:06.795
but she would say, are you sure you wanna do that?

480
00:25:07.415 –> 00:25:09.275
Are you sure? Are you sure?

481
00:25:10.055 –> 00:25:12.715
And it caused so much self doubt for me.

482
00:25:12.955 –> 00:25:15.875
I questioned myself and I wasn’t sure of myself

483
00:25:16.415 –> 00:25:20.865
and all of that, so that when I was feeling something,

484
00:25:21.425 –> 00:25:23.705
I was like, is this real?

485
00:25:24.405 –> 00:25:28.785
Is this good enough? Is this valid? I don’t know. Okay.

486
00:25:29.445 –> 00:25:31.505
So it all comes from somewhere,

487
00:25:32.205 –> 00:25:35.505
but at 42, 52, 62, like you guys are,

488
00:25:37.335 –> 00:25:40.585
it’s time to take charge and change that.

489
00:25:41.325 –> 00:25:44.985
But this is deep s**t. This is so deep.

490
00:25:45.055 –> 00:25:46.945
It’s such a huge part of who we are

491
00:25:47.995 –> 00:25:50.325
that it just isn’t gonna happen on its own.

492
00:25:50.505 –> 00:25:52.645
You can’t read a book and figure it out. You just can’t.

493
00:25:53.075 –> 00:25:56.405
This takes deep, deep training, um, the kind of stuff

494
00:25:56.405 –> 00:25:57.885
that you get in the Ready for Love program.

495
00:25:58.385 –> 00:26:02.805
So, so anyway, that is my spiel about intuition,

496
00:26:03.545 –> 00:26:05.765
why you’re having trouble trusting it, the crap

497
00:26:05.765 –> 00:26:08.285
that it causes in our lives

498
00:26:09.105 –> 00:26:12.965
and how to fix it, what you need to do to fix it.

499
00:26:13.465 –> 00:26:15.865
And it’s not just for love.

500
00:26:16.605 –> 00:26:21.395
You have to do this for yourself, for all the reasons,

501
00:26:22.215 –> 00:26:25.155
for your own sake, for your own sake.

502
00:26:25.535 –> 00:26:26.715
You have to do this work.

503
00:26:27.795 –> 00:26:30.875
The guy is just the cherry on top, okay?

504
00:26:30.975 –> 00:26:35.795
The real prize is that you get this part of you,

505
00:26:36.015 –> 00:26:40.315
you get you, you get a rock solid unshakeable relationship

506
00:26:40.315 –> 00:26:42.875
with yourself, and

507
00:26:43.275 –> 00:26:44.295
You can trust yourself

508
00:26:44.765 –> 00:26:47.695
because you’re, you are a whole woman.

509
00:26:48.965 –> 00:26:52.385
You feel your feelings, you are integrated, you love

510
00:26:52.385 –> 00:26:53.745
and value and accept yourself,

511
00:26:53.885 –> 00:26:57.585
and you know what you are doing in all areas of your life,

512
00:26:57.585 –> 00:26:59.225
and you will always get your own back.

513
00:26:59.815 –> 00:27:03.685
Okay? That is what we do. Okay?

514
00:27:04.105 –> 00:27:05.485
All right, you guys, have a great weekend.

515
00:27:05.555 –> 00:27:08.165
I’ll see you again soon. Thanks for being here. Bye.

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