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A new year can bring out all the hope
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and possibility in all of us
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and all of our best of intentions.
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And if you’re like millions of women working so hard
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to stay in shape as you get older,
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navigating your relationship with your ever-changing body,
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trying to stay fit and doing all that you can
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and accepting what you can’t, this episode is for you.
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Today, we are ditching the resolutions
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and we are starting a revolution.
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I’m sharing my five principles that help me stay super fit
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so that you can look and feel amazing too,
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and make sure to stay till the very end
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because I have a powerful
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and inspirational message that you won’t wanna miss.
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I get asked all the time, what do you do
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to stay in such great shape?
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What do you eat? What don’t you eat? How do you work out?
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What’s your secret? And as you know,
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I am not a fitness influencer.
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I’m not a personal trainer, I’m not a nutritionist,
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and I’m not an md.
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That means that we’re not today gonna be talking about
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macros, protein, calories, cardio, none of that.
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I’m an expert on mindset and psychology
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and relationships, especially the relationship that you have
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with yourself, which of course,
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in my opinion is everything when it comes to being happy,
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getting what we want and making the most of this life.
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At 53, I’m in the best shape of my life
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and I feel more confident
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and sexy in my body than I ever have.
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I live by these five principles when it comes to fitness,
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working out and taking care of myself, allowing me
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to look the way that I want, but without all the confusion
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and the burden and the heaviness
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that comes when you’re following
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what all the latest trending gurus are saying.
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Just last week, I was at an pickleball open play session,
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and when I told the other three women how old I was,
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their reactions were hilarious.
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One literally said, shut the f**k up,
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and the other one said, f**k you.
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And then she said, I’ll have what you’re having.
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So I’m excited to share this with you today.
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Principle number one is to shift from self-discipline
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to self devotion.
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This is the foundation and everything builds from here.
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All during my thirties
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and forties, I was doing high intensity interval training,
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orange theory, sprinting my ass off, running long distances,
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all just to see how far I could go
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and how fast I could go hit workouts, getting my heart rate
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so high, and basically it felt like I was killing myself.
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And that all worked for me until it didn’t,
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because around 45 ish,
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those same workouts were not working for me anymore.
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I started to feel depleted instead of energized,
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and it was taking me longer to recover.
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My body was hurting, not from muscle soreness necessarily,
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but just an overall hurt and an ache.
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I couldn’t rehydrate as quickly,
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and I was just starting to feel bloated like I was stressing
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my body and having like this cortisol
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reaction in my body from all the stress.
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But I kept pushing because that’s
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what I thought I was supposed to be doing
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until one day I just stopped and paused
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and I just listened to myself.
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I tuned into the conversation that I was having
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with myself in my mind,
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and what I heard was actually just so very sad.
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I was talking to myself like I was my own opponent,
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competition with myself.
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I was being so hard on myself, punitive and conditional.
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I realized I was pushing myself so hard
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and approaching my fitness from this place of needing to
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prove something to prove I could do it,
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to prove I could handle it,
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to prove I was just the absolute best at what I was doing,
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that I was a badass
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and I wasn’t necessarily trying to prove it to anyone else.
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I was trying to prove it to myself, which of course led me
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to wonder where this comes from.
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And of course, doing what I do, I was able
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to trace this all the way back
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to being the last picked in gym class, always
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little Hillary was just so little.
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And at the time, I just didn’t have any confidence in my
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athletic abilities at all.
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For most of my life. I actually never saw myself
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as athletic, which is ridiculous to see me now.
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And as you can see, that’s just not very kind and loving
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and accepting of myself.
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But all that old stuff was still there deep down,
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influencing me and driving this hardcore approach
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to working out self discipline approach
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was punishing, withholding, restricting, harsh,
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and not self-loving at all.
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I just kind of woke up to it
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and decided, I’m done with that.
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I do not wanna treat myself like that.
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That is not the kind of relationship that I wanna have
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with myself at all.
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So I stopped completely.
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I literally quit Orangetheory that same day.
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I stopped all the HIIT workouts and all that hard stuff.
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I stopped sprinting and running hard and fast and long.
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And instead, I shifted into self devotion mode,
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which even just sounds better, right?
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It’s kind and gentle and accepting and loving and affirming.
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Everything that I do, not just in working out,
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but in all things is
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because I’m totally completely devoted to myself,
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my own happiness and my own wellbeing.
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I have my own best interest in mind when
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I’m making decisions.
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So now when I work out, I do what feels good to me, not
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because I have to, not because I’m punishing myself
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or proving anything.
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I go to the gym because I love
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to spend the time there with myself.
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I love how I feel when I’m moving my body.
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I love connecting with myself.
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If I wanna lift weights, I do. If I wanna walk, I do.
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If I wanna play pickleball for three hours, I play.
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I’m not doing it because I have to.
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I’m not punishing myself for what I ate yesterday
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or proving anything anymore.
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And now all of my movements energize me.
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They make me feel strong and capable and alive.
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Do you feel the difference?
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One is burden and punishment, and I have to,
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or else like recrimination.
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The other is love. It’s devotion.
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It’s I get to,
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and that shift from discipline
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to devotion just changed everything for me.
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It’s like I just completely let go of the need
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to be hardcore.
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And it’s not just changing how I look, it’s
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how I feel in my body, how I show up in my life.
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So if you’re working on anything this year,
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but especially health and fitness goals
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because women could be so damn critical
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and hard on ourselves, start here.
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Start with this. Ask yourself, am I doing this
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because I love myself or because I don’t?
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It’s a strange thing that in order
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to make real lasting change, you have to first love
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and accept yourself as you are.
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And then everything that you do
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for improvement will actually work.
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Let me say that again. You have to love
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and accept yourself as you are first.
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Then gently, lovingly work on growing
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and improving your self love is not conditional
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on making that change.
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Principle number two, listen to yourself, not the experts.
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The fitness industry is full of rules
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and a lot of them are complete b******t.
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Literally do 11 pushups.
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Have you heard that for fuck’s sake? Why 11?
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Why not 10 or 15? What is it about 11 that is just so dumb?
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Walk 10,000 steps every day,
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eat your body weight in protein,
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or is it half your body weight?
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Who can keep up, do cardio every day, lift heavy.
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And here’s the thing, the gurus will get mad at me
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for saying this, but I don’t care.
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Let all that go. I don’t track my steps.
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I don’t even walk anymore just because I have to walk.
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I don’t have time. Now I’ve become a pickleball addict like
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everyone else who starts to play and I play about 10
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or more hours a week, so I don’t have time for that.
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I walk when I feel like going for a walk
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because it’s nice out or I wanna just enjoy myself.
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I don’t count my macros.
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I don’t eat my body weight in protein
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because I just don’t even eat that much in a day.
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I’ve tried all of it, keto, paleo, intermittent fasting,
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measuring whether I’m in fat burning mode with
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that little device that you blow into.
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And all this did was make me feel overwhelmed and confused,
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and there were so many rules to follow
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and like I was always doing it wrong.
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So I stopped. I threw it all away,
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and I started listening to myself.
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Instead, I am my own guru.
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You are yours because no one knows you
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or your body as well as you do.
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What does my body need today? What feels good for me?
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What do I actually want to eat?
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And here’s what I figured out.
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I eat when I’m hungry, not when I’m supposed to
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or at a specific time
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after a certain amount of time has gone by.
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I don’t follow a meal plan.
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I just know that I’m supposed
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to be eating whole healthy foods
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that include fiber and protein.
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That’s it. I don’t restrict food groups.
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I eat bread and pasta and rice and cake. I love cake.
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Carbs are not the enemy.
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I follow the most things in moderation. Not all things.
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Most things in moderation, including alcohol,
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which I know is really hard for some of you.
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But it’s true. I just don’t drink very much,
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and I just think that’s healthy for all of us.
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And that’s actually not very hard for me
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because food is definitely more my thing.
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So for me, as long as I’m not overeating, I’m good.
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It’s easy to overeat.
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Or again, for some
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of you over imbibe if alcohol is more your thing.
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When I’m not mindful or when I’m not paying attention
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or when something just tastes so good.
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But remember, self devotion means
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I do all things from my own best interest.
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And that means being very intentional about my yeses
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and nos, what I say yes to for myself and what I say no to.
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So tune out all the trendy rules
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and make your own soft rules, which are more like bumpers
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or guardrails just to keep you on track.
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The truth is we all know what we need to do, don’t we?
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It does not have to be so damn complicated.
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It’s just a matter of whether you’re going to do it or not.
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So stop outsourcing your body wisdom.
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Break all the rules, make your own rules,
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and then break your own rules when they don’t serve
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you anymore.
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Just trust yourself to know what is best for you.
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Principle number three, move every day.
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I know it sounds like a rule, but it’s not.
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It’s just a way of living.
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And the experts might say, you need rest days,
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but here’s the thing, you only need rest days if you’re
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overworking or traumatizing your body like I was.
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If you’re lifting such heavy weights
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that your muscles are achy
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and sore, they will need time to repair.
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Yes, you would need rest.
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And if you’re doing such intense cardio workouts
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that your body is depleted, yes, you probably need rest.
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But if you’re moving in a way that’s kinder
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and gentler to your body, you can move every single day.
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Moving every day is just a habit for me,
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something I do without thinking about it.
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And again, it’s not a rule, it’s a way of life.
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Like waking up and having coffee or brushing your teeth.
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It’s just something you do
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by habit without thinking about it.
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I work out every single day.
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There is no question in my mind.
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It’s not an if I can fit it in, it’s just
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what will it be today?
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But I don’t have a set routine.
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I don’t do arm day, leg day, rest days.
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I don’t write down my reps in a notebook.
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I just show up every morning and do what I feel like doing.
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What part of my body needs attention today?
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What movement will make me happy
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and feel make me feel strong today?
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Mostly it’s weights, but sometimes it is a walk.
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Sometimes it’s Tracy Anderson, her wor, I love her workouts.
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Some days it’s just playing pickleball.
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Some days it’s just stretching.
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These days, I’m moving in a way that just feels good for me.
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That energizes me and helps me connect to myself.
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Now, if my body tells me I’m tired,
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if I’m genuinely exhausted, I listen and I rest.
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And I don’t feel bad about it.
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But it’s not because I have to have a rest day.
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’cause I’m not forcing myself to do things that deplete me.
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So make it automatic, make it non-negotiable.
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Not because you have to, but because you get to.
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It’s an act of love. And this is just who you are now.
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So what will it be today? What do you feel like doing today?
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Principle number four, make it enjoyable. Here’s the truth.
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If you hate your workouts
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or this activity that you’re doing,
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you’re not gonna stick to it.
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I don’t care how devoted you are,
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you’re not gonna do something that you loathe for very long
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because forcing yourself isn’t loving, right?
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So you have to make it enjoyable or just don’t do it.
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Find something else to do.
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Here are a few ways to make your daily
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movement more enjoyable.
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First variety.
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As I’ve been saying, I do something different every day.
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I mix it up and I do what I’m in the mood for.
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This helps me never be bored
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because I’m always just keeping it new and different.
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Second, this is fun.
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I wear workout clothes that make me feel amazing.
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I treat my physical activity like any other important part
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of my day, and I get dressed
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for it just like you would going to work
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or going out on a date.
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I invest in outfits that I look forward to wearing.
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So I feel amazing when I’m doing it all.
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Not for anyone else, but for me.
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No one sees me when I’m out on a walk.
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And even during COVID, when I was working out in the
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basement, no one was seeing me.
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I did it for myself. Do it for yourself
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because you look hot in your workout clothes or
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because you look cute, or it’s motivating
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to put on a great outfit rather than a schlubby,
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oversized t-shirt.
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So treat yourself third, I listen to music
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that lights me up.
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Not podcasts, not audio books, but music
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because this is my time to connect with myself, not to learn
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or consume more information.
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Let the music just take you
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to another place all together in your head.
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It’s just a vibe. Fourth, make it social.
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I look forward to seeing my 6:00 AM crew at the gym.
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There’s a community aspect to it.
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We don’t even talk to each other sometimes.
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Sometimes it’s just a smile and a wave,
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but they’re my people and I look forward to the community,
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and I know if I’m not there,
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they’re probably wondering, where’s Hillary today?
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Same with pickleball.
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I’ve only been playing since July,
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but I already feel like I have a sense of community
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and I look forward to seeing these new people in my life.
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So stop forcing yourself to do workouts
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or activities that you hate.
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Stop grinding through routines that feel like punishment.
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You have to find something that you enjoy
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and make it pleasurable so that it’s fun.
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And doing it in itself is its own reward.
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You do it because it’s enjoyable, not because you have to.
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Principle number five, make yourself the priority.
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I know this might be hard for some of you,
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but this is the most important of all.
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You come first in your life.
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You are not after your kids, the house, the chores,
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your clients, your work, your partner, or all the favors.
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If you’re putting yourself last in your own
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life, it is a choice.
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You are doing that to yourself. Do you hear me?
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You are a victim of yourself, of your own choices.
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You may have been conditioned to think
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that being selfless is noble
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and that putting everyone else first makes you
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special or a good human.
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But that is a lie. It is a patriarchal lie and a narrative.
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Girls have been sold
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and spoonfed for generations to keep us in line
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and to keep us oppressed.
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The most self-loving
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and empowering thing that you can do is
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to make yourself a priority and to know it is not selfish.
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It is necessary.
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It may seem radical at first, but it’s actually not at all.
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It is literally your life.
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So if something is important to you, then it’s important,
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period, because you are important.
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That is basic logic.
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If A equals B and B equals C, then A equals C. Basic logic.
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If you take crumbs
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and scraps in your own life, you’ll be exhausted,
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depleted, and resentful.
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And again, you’re doing it to yourself.
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And here’s the thing, you’re not gonna
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get the results that you want.
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You’re not gonna get anything that you want for that matter,
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and no one’s going to give you a medal for it.
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So listen to me right now.
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You are never too busy for yourself.
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You could be too busy for a chore, too busy for an errand,
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too busy for a favor,
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but you are never, never, never too busy for you.
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Repeat after me. Say it right now.
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Wherever you are, I am never too busy for myself.
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When you make yourself the priority, everything changes.
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Not just your fitness, your entire life.
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My clients in the Ready for Love program lose weight,
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nine pounds, 14 pounds, even 20 pounds.
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I’ve heard in just 12 weeks, not
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because we’re talking about nutrition, but
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because of this one shift, they finally put themselves first
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and their bodies respond.
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You can have the perfect workout plan,
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the perfect meal plan, all the knowledge in the world.
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But if you don’t show up
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for yourself every single day, none of it will work.
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And if you don’t make yourself a priority, no one else will.
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Simple as that. So here’s the cherry on top of all of this.
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Forget the resolutions.
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This is a revolution in how you treat yourself,
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your fitness, your body, your relationship with yourself.
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And now, I know some of you are thinking,
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because I hear this every single day,
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it’s just gonna get harder
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and harder to find love as I get older.
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I look good now, but my looks are gonna fade.
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That is b******t. Aging is inevitable.
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You can resist it or embrace it. It is a choice.
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You’re not 30 and you shouldn’t want to be.
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Your body at 40, 50, 60 and beyond is fabulous.
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It’s gorgeous, it’s powerful.
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But you decide that not society, not men,
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not him, not your partner.
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You. You are gorgeous. If you think you are, you are sexy.
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If you know you, it is a decision.
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So love the lines, love the curves, love the wrinkles.
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They represent experience and wisdom and all you’ve lived
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and learned to this point.
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Older women are more seductive and alluring. It’s just true.
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We are more comfortable with ourselves.
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Our presence is more powerful
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because of everything we’ve been through.
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When we own it and embody the truth
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and we move in the world with that sense of self, this is
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what makes us undeniable.
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If we don’t own it, we are just lost like dust in the wind.
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We just are swept away and we disappear.
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So we have to anchor this within ourselves.
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And when we do, the world responds to us in that.
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In that way. I feel more beautiful now than I
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ever did when I was younger.
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I am more comfortable in my skin, more confident in
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who I am, not in spite of the changes, but because of them.
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Confidence is sexy.
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Your presence, your comfort in your own skin,
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that’s what it’s all about.
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So be sexy for yourself
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because it feels good to feel that way.
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That is the revolution.
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If you want help with this,
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I created a mini course called Self Devoted.
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It’s your guide to shifting from self-discipline
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to self devotion in every area of your life.
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If you wanna check it out, just go to ready
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for love inc.com/devoted to learn more.
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Thanks for being here.
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Please share this with someone who really needs to hear it
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and keep these shifts in mind
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as you do all things, not just working out.
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I’ll see you next time.
